Monday, December 29, 2008


I realised yesterday that I've been incredibly spoilt in the last three and a half years (and we're not just talking access to Daddy's credit card here...) I've often been told I landed on my feet with my friends and my church and just the general ease with which I settled in to university and living away from home.

I guess I never really realised *just* how spoilt I was until I left...the classic not knowing what you've got until its gone. For three years, I had the best friends a girl could ask for, the support and love of fantastic surrogate families and just so much happiness that I couldn't have wanted for anything (didn't stop me wanting, of course, but I didn't need for anything)

I was spoilt too with my church and the ease with which I fitted in to the Worship Development Team and the Sound Team & was accepted and valued by those already on the teams. I was spoilt with how great the teaching was and the discpleship & support was. I was spoilt with the friendships and love that I found there, and because I was spoilt, it was easy. I didn't have to work per se at becoming part of the just happened. I didn't have to work particularly hard to make new friends because that just happened. I didn't have to work overly hard at finding and meeting with God, because that just happened too.

Call me crazy (and many of you have/did for chosing to leave) but I'm kind of thinking at the moment that I'm going to challenge myself even further. My parents church is amazing...full of lovely lovely caring people who love me so much & are always so excited to see me when I come to visit and the teaching is as sound as I've ever heard. Its not my first choice where worship is concerned, which is quite a big thing for me, as I tend to be more moved by worship than anything else. But. I'm going to go to church with them for the next few months. I think my faith could do with some challenges...I think I could do with having to actively search for and walk with God. I know its safe to that at DREC because I know its sound and full of Godly amazing people.

I've had it all on a plate for most 4 years...its about time I got off my butt and started stretching myself. Which leaves the question...where are you at?? Are you comfortably settled enjoying the ease of life?? Or have you jumped out your boat trusting that there's something out there for you??

Hmm. Ponder. I'll get back to you on the levels of success...

Love, etc.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Yes Folks, its that time again!!

A potted history of 2008 in the world of Laura...

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before? Graduated, learnt to drive (sort of) rigged at the Royal Albert Hall.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for 2009? Utter fail. And as such, I doubt I'll be making any more!!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Not that I can think of. Its all about 2009 with the babies.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Dad's brother in Oz, but not other than that.

5. What countries did you visit? Apart from regular commuting between Egham & Petersfield, I went nowhere. I'm so rock'n'roll!!

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? A full-time job as a Sound Eng would be lovely please. Also a pink driving licence rather than my green one. Thanks.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
13th March
- rigging Classical Spectacular at the Royal Albert Hall with Hodge (THE best day of the year)
My 21st Birth(four)day(s)
were truly just the funnest 4 days of uni)
15th July - Graduation Day SWOOSH! :)
29th Nov-5th Dec - Bugsy Malone (I know The Godfather won't agree, but for me, one of the best weeks of my short little life so far)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Running tech for the first night of Mosaic

9. What was your biggest failure? Wasn't impressed with my degree result. Also with the lack of full time job.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? No major dramas spring to mind.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Had a bit of a handbags thing this year. And managed to get a new dress for each and every possible occasion.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
The Godfather because he's just THE best
RJ, Mr Skins & Sound Man for their undending support & encouragement during the (still ongoing) jobs debacle
My various mums & dads, particularly my second family Chez Holloway

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? Apart from my own?! Lets not go there.

14. Where did most of your money go? Probably eating out and buying coffee to be honest. Or handbags.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? rigging at the Royal Albert Hall (and any other time I got to see Sound Man), Mosaic, my 21st Birth(four)day(s) but my cake in particular, swooshing in my Graduation gown was SUPER fun and Tom & Na's wedding was just perfect (seeing her dress at the final fitting, however, will remain THE most exciting moment of our lives as housemates)

16. What songs will always remind you of 2008? Parry's "Jerusalem" from Clas Spec, "Strength Will Rise" for Pete & the gang, "Feels Like Home" from Tom & Na's wedding, Kate Nash's "Foundations" & Alanis Morisette's "Thankyou" and "Head Over Feet" from all the roadtrips.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) Happier or sadder? Happier I guess...get back to me on that one.
b) Thinner or fatter? Just about thinner, but starting to put it back Gymmage here I come.
c) Richer or poorer? Richer, actually. And even richer still once I've claimed my tax back WOOP.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? I actually have no regrets of this year where I look at something and wish I'd done more. Degree results and all.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? I don't know whether Mumma Gingy will agree, but I *think* I've actually stressed and panicked less this year than previously....would still like to do even less though. That would be ideal. Also maybe less wine consumption...

20. How did you spend Christmas? Again trying to ensure peace and goodwill prevailed between myself and my brother and my parents. More or less successfully.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008? That would imply a change of position since the beginning of the year. Which there hasn't been. Oh dear.

22. How many one-night stands? Every year the same question; every year the same answer - NONE.

23. What was your favourite TV program? Same old same old. Apprentice and Strictly. Although The X Factor was pretty addictive this year...

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No. I'm confused about where I stand with a few people, but I don't think there's any hate there.

25. What was the best book you read? The Time Travellers Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. Absolutely awesome.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? The Capital FM Breakfast Show on my clock radio. No, really. Nothing else can get me out of bed.

27. What did you want and get? to live in Egham after I graduated & to work on Bugsy Malone

28. What did you want and not get? A MacBookPro as ever. Also a full-time orchestral job. Sad times.

29. What was your favourite film of this year? Am I allowed to say Quantum of Solace?? (jokes Nick, jokes) Would HAVE to be Mumma Mia ;)

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Haha. The Birth(four)day(s). Good times. I was 21, and I did a variety of things, including an old-skool poker night with the original gang, a black tie Hollywood Starlet party, getting hideously embarassed by getting sung Happy Birthday at church & just so much other fun stuff with my friends :D

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? A first. Or even a 2.1. And any one of the 137 jobs I applied for!

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? As perfectly co-ordinated and modelled as ever ;)

33. What kept you sane? The Godfather. Pretty much single handedly. Its been a tough year and he was there every single step of the way whether I was going forwards or backwards. Nothing's happened that he doesn't know about & he still loves me & wants to look after me. The man is a living legend.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? After a fleeting thing for Russell Brand (I kno, WHAT?!) I settled happily back on Anton du Beke & Matthew Cutler.

35. What political issue stirred you the most? Income Tax. Seriously. SERIOUSLY?! THAT'S MY HARD-EARNED MONEY YOU'RE TAKING AWAY TO SUPPORT YOUR FAILING HEALTH SERVICE AND SHODDY GOVERNMENT. Pah. Emigration is appealing.

36. Who did you miss? My California Girl. Like MAD.

37. Who was the best new person you met? Bean. Without question.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008: that I'm a lot stronger and a lot more capable than I give myself credit for.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

And I will laugh until my heart it aches
And I will love until my heart it breaks
And I will love until there’s nothing more to live for

So there we go. That was 2008. I'm not going to tag anyone, but I *am* going to encourage you to de-lurk for 2 things...1) feel free to question away if I've been too cryptic (although I won't be revealing any of the pseudonyms) (unless the person in question wishes to reveal themself) and 2) to copy and do this on your blogs!!

Happy 2009 blessed and be sure to ENJOY IT!!!

Love, etc.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Fit for Purpose

I knew when I decided to leave that it was going to be hard. I probably slightly underestimated just how upsetting saying goodbye to the kids was, and I definitely underestimated how hard it was going to be walking away from my Sound Desk for the last time.

Some of you might think it odd that I've chosen to leave when its so hard to leave somewhere I'm so clearly attached to, but as someone very wise once said to me, its very easy to fall in to a rut without even realising just because its so comfortable and safe. At St Johns, I have been pastored and mentored in my faith to a place where I can lead others & teach them; I have been welcomed and loved and included in such a way that its only natural that I bring others to join in too; I have been given such amazing Sound training that I've been given my own team to mentor and teach. People have devoted a lot of time to my development, and I am fit for my purpose at St Johns.


Being fit for purpose isn't enough. Becoming fit for purpose is good - people have spent three and a half years teaching me and building me up and loving me until I am fit for purpose, but its not enough. Its not what we're called to be. I don't have time to take up another ministry - I can't create more of myself to give out to help anymore in the church, but if I just stick to what I know and the things I already do, I'll stop learning. I'll stop growing, and that in turn will stop developing the talents and gifts that I've been given. Those of you who know me will know how much I rant about the Parable of the Talents and how unfair it is that the servant gets punished for not doing anything with his talent, but recently I've really understood that concept - its nice to be comfortable and feel safe and know that at the same time you're doing great work for your Church, but that's not what we're called to do. As my rigging hoody says, right across the back,

"I have come that you might have life and have it to the full" John 10v10

so that's what I'm going to do.

Love, etc.

p.s. Aforementioned wise person also once told me how proud he'd be of me if I actually left & I know today that he is. I wouldn't be doing this without his patience and expertise he so willingly shared - RJ, this one's for you.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

A Dying Breed...

Gentlemen. Its a conversation I appear to be having with increasing regularity these are a dying breed. Mr Skins told me the other day that feminism is slowly killing of gentlemen, which is potentially very true. What I don't understand is why.

Why is it bad when a guy holds a door for you, or walks on the outside of you on a pavement (VERY cute when you did that the other day AND you got a smile for your troubles) or pays for you when you go out for dinner?? I don't find myself demeaned as a woman; I don't feel my authority being threatened (I mean....come ON!) and I definitely don't find that it is typical of the male-dominated society which women have fought against for so long. I think its lovely, it makes me smile, and, actually, makes me feel valued as a woman - different for all the right reasons.

...the woman came out of a man's rib...not out of his feet to be walked upon or out of his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal, under the arm to be protected and next to the heart to be loved...

Not to get all soppy on you, but there we go...not superior, not below...just equal. And different. And special. So enjoy it!!

Love, etc.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Honestly OK?

So because I'm a girl, when I was feeling a bit down tonight, I called someone who can, without fail, cheer me up. I caught them at a slightly inconvenient moment, and as a result, the conversation was a mere formality while I asked my question (a.k.a the thinly veiled excuse to call), I got an answer (which admittedly didn't really help with cheering me up) and that was that. Five minutes later, got a txt asking if I was ok. Obviously at this point I said no, I wasn't, I was unhappy about leaving & wanted to talk to someone who understood. *Ahem* Or not. Being the girl that I am, of course I txt back saying I was fine. And then got angry & even more upset when that didn't get a response.

Now, you may argue that he's a boy & wouldn't have known that fine means anything but (especially if we take it with its literal translation of Female, Insecure, Neurotic & Emotional) blah blah blah, but the worst thing about it?? I've done it to him so many times that I guess now he looks at it & takes it at face value. I've made it such hard work for him to care about me & try to look after me that I actually drive him a little further away every time I do it.

When I got home, I must've read four or five blogs all with the same message - tell people how you feel, its ok show your emotions, stop bottling it all I'm here to echo that. You can't be unhappy that people seem not to care if you won't let them care about you. The walls you've put up to try & protect you, the things you've made part of your life to try and fulfil you, even the people you gather around you mean nothing if you won't let yourself be loved.

Best of all though - the knowledge that if I hadn't been so stupidly female, he would've called me back to make me smile again. I really should start letting him.

Love, etc.

Monday, December 08, 2008

Mastercard moments

Cost of producing Bugsy Malone...£17k (yes, you did just read that correctly)

Cost of a ticket to Bugsy...£10

Cost of my train tickets back and forth to Petersfield for the week...£51.90

The look on The Godfather's face when he saw me on Tuesday...priceless.

Mastercard moments...what are yours??
Love, etc.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008


So, out of the blue for pretty much all of you - when I leave Egham in December, I won't be coming back. The last three and half years have been the best of my short little life so far, but its time to move on.

There are lots of reasons for me going (and yes, these are at least equalled by the number of reasons I could stay) but I have the trump card of it feeling like its the right thing for me to do on the side of going, and those of you who know me are probably gobsmacked that I feel its the right thing for me to do, because if you'd asked me even a couple of months ago, I'd've still been so firmly set on finding the job of dreams and making Egham happen.

This last weekend, I was at my old school helping turn the Sports Hall in to a theatre, and despite the long hours and the stress, I realised that being on a Production Crew really is the dream. And I was living it. Yes, on a voluntary basis, Yes on a small scale, but in a surprising way, it made me happier than living in Egham doing any old job does. I can compromise on my geographical location and still be happy, but after all the experiences I've had on Crew, and remembering how good they all were, I don't think I can compromise on the job for much longer and still be so happy.

The more people I talk to about this, the more I hear truth in the fact that I'm more likely to get a job here rather than London; I realise the truth in the words that people aren't going to forget I exist and stop being my friend just because I don't live in the same town as them anymore and I've *finally* started to believe the truth that God doesn't only live at St Johns.

And even Dorothy had to leave Oz eventually.

Love, etc.

p.s. Sorry for making that one all about me, but if you can't do it on your own blog...

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Face Value

My Beautiful Blonde once pointed out to me the sheer number of insignificant moments that a friendship is made up of. The tiny things like being met at the station when its dark & rainy so you're not walking home alone, or sitting on the floor eating Ben & Jerries straight out the tub and swapping when you're bored of your own flavou, or buying a petrol station treat when you fill your car up because you know how much it will make someone smile. These are such tiny events in the grand scheme of things, but they don't half mean a lot.

The thing that got me though, was the realisation of how some of the seemingly most insignificant, passing relationships of my life have become some of the most important. On paper, Sound Man was just a friend of a friend who trained me for a grand total of about 12 hours, but in practice, he's one of the most patient people I've ever met who always takes my dumbnass questions seriously and has continued to teach me everything he possibly can even when we're on opposite sides of the world (well, Munich to Egham anyway...) I'm pretty sure its not just because of my brownies - he is a major player in my life & a major source of job and tech advice. Not bad for a friend of a friend and 12 hours training. Same goes for The Godfather. How my Physics teacher became my spiritual mentor I couldn't begin to tell you (small lie...I could, but it would take all day) but again, if I'd taken it at face value, I'd've learnt my Physics and left again. And missed out on one of the people who have been the most influential in my life so far, spiritual and otherwise. And that's a worrying thought.

My point other than a love in of Sound Man and The Godfather?? Don't take every relationship at its face value. Make each one special. Invest in them, and let yourself be surprised at where they go.

Love, etc.

Thursday, November 27, 2008


"Thankyou God for Starlight (my new fish) and for birthday parties. Please stop Daddy from getting studded on Saturday. Sorry for shouting at Jake. Amen"

Sometimes we could all do with praying with a 5 year old just to remind us of the simplicity of our faith that we make so hard for ourselves

Love, etc.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Coffee & Chat (part 3)

"You're not the person I thought you were"

I used to think that was the most hurtful thing someone could say to me until it was pointed out that actually, we regularly build people up to be something they're not, and then blame them when reality bites.

I'm as guilty of this as the next person, and could tell you at very great, very raw & painful length how it happens, but that's not my point. Don't try to make them something they're not; don't try to make them what you want them to be & get hurt when it doesn't work out. Take someone as they are, and love them for that.

Love, etc

p.s I can't even remember what the miscellaneous beverage was this time. Still wasn't coffee though

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Sin and George Orwell

It can never be a good thing when I read a book that satirises communist Russia and find a startlingly large number of comparisons with the church within it. I'll leave you to go and find it and read it and realise what I mean in the most part, but the one thing that struck me the most was when the animals change
all animals are equal
all animals are equal but some are more equal than others

Its funny when its about animals on a farm, and mildly amusing when its sending up the communist regime, but suddenly, it stops being funny when you realise that's how we treat sin. All sins are equal, but we make some of them more equal than others. This became uncomfortably real to me earlier this year when I was being teased about having had FAR too much to drink on New Years Eve and tried to excuse it by saying that it only happened a couple of times a year. When someone (who shall remain nameless) (mostly because I can't think of an amusing blog pseudonym for him) asked me whether "it would be ok for him to leave his wife at home and go out and sleep around 'a couple of times a year'" I realised how true that phrase is...all sins are equal, we just make some of them less bad for ourselves because that makes us feel more comfortable.

Its so easy to judge someone for what we perceive to be their sin without realising that in that moment we to are putting ourselves wrong with God - we're not called to judge people, we're called to love them. Jesus never said "by the way you throw the bible at them, they shall know me" and I totally believe that that is not what God wants. I don't think I'm ever going to be called for account for chosing to love someone rather than judge them, whatever they're doing with their lives. And anyway, there's a lot to be said for taking the plank out of your own eye first.

I'll get off my soapbox now.

Love, etc.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

To all the non-believers...

The Saffa is forever ripping it out of me for blogging...he tells me that its for self-absorbed self-interested people who think that everyone else cares what they think. Now, I love my pretty pink blog to bits, so normally I just beat him and be done with it, but it does occasionally make me wonder why I blog - am I just a self-absorbed self-interested person who thinks that everyone else cares what I think??

Be that as it may (although I'd argue that its not...) Dawson Trotman finally solved this issue for me by pointing out (through Rick Warren) that

"thoughts disentangle themselves when they pass through your fingertips"

and its true - often it can be so helpful getting your thoughts out of your head and rearranging them so they form some semblance of sense to someone looking stops my head exploding at least!!

So yes, to the non-believers, that is why we blog. That, and we do quite like the sound of our own thoughts...

Love, etc.

Thursday, November 06, 2008


Now, being an English student, I tend to over-analyse words. That's what we do. Find every ounce of meaning we possibly can in a phrase until there's none left, then claim there never was any in the first place. Its bad when I do that when I'm trying to read for fun; its worse when I do it in church. Even worse, perhaps, when I stand looking at the screen, reciting the line "forgive us our sins as we forgive others," and thinking about how everyone reads that and feels all warm and fuzzy inside because they know God is going to forgive them for what they've done wrong during the week. Awesome. But wrong.

Not wrong in the sense that God won't forgive us, because He definitely always does. Its just the words we're using and the meaning we're choosing to take from them. Or should that be the meaning we chose to project on to them. We think we're asking God to fully forgive us our sins in the knowledge of the biblical model that says He always will, but actually, what would we do if one day He took us literally and forgave us like we forgive others? Half forgiveness here, bit of lingering bitterness there. The words of forgiveness with one breath and then gossip to whomever is around with the next? Too bitter and twisted or hurt too deeply to really forgive , instead allowing the relationship to fracture and disintegrate?

How often do we read those words, realise what we're actually saying and adjust OUR forgiveness, adjust how WE are forgiving people and deal with that before we come to God and ask it of Him?? Who are we to judge ourselves and our level of forgiveness to others (for want of a better phrase) and still think that it is in any way comparable to God's utterly total and complete forgiveness of us?

Love, etc.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

10 Ways To Tell I'm A Real Adult Now

1) I have a tax code

2) I get up, wash, dress, make lunch and leave the house all before 9am

3) I eat salad out a tupperware and drink Diet Coke for lunch

4) The phrases "touch base" "heads up" and "let me check my diary and get back to you" creep out of the office and in to everyday life

5) The payments IN to my bank account very nearly cover the payments OUT

6) I wear a suit most days of the week & as such, ironing shirts is a now a valid week-night activity

7) I don't go on Facebook between the hours of 0830 and 1830

8) I have a lunchbreak where my personal phone goes crazy for an hour

9) 1730 is my favourite time of the day

10) I have a daily commute may be it will stop feeling like I'm pretending soon!!

Love, etc

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Little Things

Yes, life is often about the big all singing-all dancing stuff, but sometimes, its the little things that make you smile.

My current favorites from the last few days...
  • having forgotten, being reminded how Profound Admirer has THE most comfortable sofa in the world
  • major excitement over new tech toys in the shape of Jim The Drummer's new Kit
  • how much hot chocolate and late-night bonding with the Landlords of Dreams can make me feel at home
  • how exciting impulsive plans are, particularly if they involve Monkey's burgers
  • also being reminded how truly adorable Profound Admirer's little one is now she's in PJs with a little duvet all of her own instead of her grow bag
  • that stopping to actually TALK to Mr Skins can bring a whole new perspective on it all
Nothing earth-shattering. But all pretty special to me in their own way. Today's gem of advice - don't overlook it. Just smile and enjoy.

Love, etc

Monday, October 27, 2008

The Way I Was Made

Hitch. SUCH a good movie. I absolutely love it, but there's something about watching a movie in church that makes you see it in a totally different way. Normally, I'm full on soppy "AWWWW" when Alexa is telling Hitch that she loves all Albert's quirky habits, because they make her feel more normal, but last night, all I could think about was why we feel the need to pretend to be something we're not or to impress others. At the end of the day, even he learns that there aren't any basic principles to successful dating (though that said, some things just really aren't cool for ANY girl in ANY situation...) And he's right...there are no basic principles to attraction, other than being yourself (Funny how often cliches are actually true...)

Easier said than done huh?? Easy to prattle on about loving yourself and highlighting your best qualities to others, but what about those days when you look at yourself and can't see them?? Or the times you look at yourself and just can't stand what you see?? What then?? Sadly, there isn't any quick fix. There are plenty of real life Hitch's waiting for you to call them so they can train you to be successful, but how much of "you" would be left if that happened? And what can help on the days when you're not feeling it?? Doesn't work for everyone, but for me, Mr Tomlin once again provides the answer...

I want to live like there's no tomorrow
I want to dance like no one's around
I want to sing like nobody's listening
Before I lay my body down
I want to give like I have plenty
I want to love like I'm not afraid
I want to be the man I was meant to be
I want to be the way I was made

Believing that I exist in God's image is a constant struggle...believing that he wants me exactly the way I am is hard - there are far too many other people for me to compare every aspect of myself to and come up short, but what Hitch said was right - there are no basic principles. The honest answer is to work with what you've might not like your smile, but you'll never know how much difference it can make to someone's day. And wanting to be happy with the way you are has got to be a step in the right direction. After all, if Albert can pull Alexa, there's hope for all of us, right??

Love, etc.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Falling. Or Just Landing On Your Feet?

Have had the idea for this post floating around my head for a while but hadn't found my hook, despite having the most beautiful quote from one of my favourite books. The Art of Falling is your typical story of self-discovery, happening to fall in love with typically stunning (often Italian) man along the way, but instead of the usual "lalala wouldn't it be nice if a stunning (Italian) man fell in my lap" thoughts**, this time the thing I took away from it was the idea that

"what some of us are most afraid of is letting ourselves be seen in our true colors,"

which is totally and utterly true. How often do we honestly answer the question "how are you?" How often do we let people in to look after us?? How often do we really admit the truth of our feelings?? And what is it stopping us?? Pride?? A wish to not impose our problems on other people?? Worries about rejection and judgement?? Or just fear that once someone has broken through the facade, we won't be able to hide anymore?? The thing that gets me is where do we get that fear from?? I'm slowly discovering that when people care about you, "I'm fine" is hurtful to them...they want to love you and care for you, and you're pushing them away with platitudes. Surely with the people who love you, you don't NEED to hide?? The facade doesn't need to exist, let alone be broken through.

Its scary, *really* scary letting someone through the facade...being used to coping alone (or perhaps, "coping" alone) can become habit forming; the smile can become too permanent; you can begin to believe that everything really is ok. But sooner or later, it breaks, so you might as well be honest now to make sure there's someone to catch you when you finally learn how to fall.

Love, etc.

**Don't get me would be totally fine if a stunning man fell in my lap. Italian or otherwise...

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Hope. And an Arrivals lounge.

What does hope mean to you?? Does it mean something that you'd quite like to happen but don't really believe that it will?? Something you have more faith in, but are still not quite sure about, but can't let go of?? Or is it your eager anticipation of a future happening? Your anticipation of a future certainty - something you *know* is going to happen and can trust in?

The concept of "hope" is so comforting, but how often do we let ourselves hope in things that are just vague and woolley?? Things that we can't let go of, but cling on to, just incase. Why do we find it so easy to cling on to these things, but manage to forget that

"For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory"

And the arrivals lounge?? Just think for a second about arrivals at Heathrow (Love Actually stylee) Think of all the people standing there waiting for their loved one to arrive...each time the doors open, the anticipation, and someone's joy at seeing the person coming through. I've heard plenty in my time about being a Princess and a daughter of the King of Kings (all very valid, I hasten to add) but nothing has ever touched me as much as the concept of Heaven as an Arrivals hall, and that joy being for us, each one of us, when we get home.

When we have that hope, why do we doubt?? Why do we let the earthly crap get in the way of us fixing our eyes on that welcome and living our lives for that point??

So yeah. Hope. And an Arrivals lounge. Its been a deep day.

Love, etc

**N.B. In an unusual departure from the norm, I want to dedicate this post to the preacher from whom I shamelessly have pilfered these ideas. And his lovely wife with whom he makes such a terrifyingly strong team for the Kingdom**

Friday, October 10, 2008

Pride and prejudices

One of the saddest things I've ever experienced in a church was watching my old church split itself very unhappily in two over an issue so inconsequential in the grand scheme of things that it was just heartbreaking to watch. Lifelong relationships were broken and I'm sure people were lost as a result of it and all for what?? For the church to then split again just a few years later, leaving three fractured groups where there used to be one huge vibrant congregation.

Arriving from the midst of that to St Johns to discover that there were already two congregations and plans for a third was confusing, to say the least, but after going to each of the services & becoming more involved in the church, I realised that whilst there were different groups of people who met at different times on a Sunday, "St Johns" was one very solid church that simply catered for a variety of tastes and styles. I've heard the Anglican church criticised as being all things to all people (often from the pulpit of my old church) but compared to Trinity, St Johns is doing a whole lot better at modeling the biblical principle of church. In ALL ways.

One the best things I've discovered about being part of a large, vibrant, varied congregation is how you can constantly be learning from people - their views on something, their interpretation of a certain passage or situation because of their experiences, their life experiences - if we all kept to ourselves in our happy little worship bubbles, there's a very real possibility that we would become insular, too set in our ways, too rigid, and unwelcoming to change. By keeping in touch with the other congregations, we can learn from each other...we're not fighting to keep everyone happy with one service and everyone can peacefully co-exist as individuals making up a big unit.

Now, don't get me wrong...I know the 9.15 congregation really don't like our tech kit being all over the dais, and I'll be the first to admit that the choir drive me insane when they move said kit and complain about it right when I'm trying to work. The 11am mix is too loud for some; the choir are too traditional for others, but when it comes down to it, I guess I'm proud of my church for truly embodying the concept that

The way God designed our bodies is a model for understanding our lives together
as a church: every part dependent on every other part,
the parts we mention and the parts we don't, the parts we see and the parts we don't.
If one part hurts, every other part is involved in the hurt, and in the healing.
If one part flourishes, every other part enters into the exuberance (1 Corinthians 25-26)

Love, etc.

p.s. Yes, I worry about how Anglican I appear to have become too...I claim redemption through my use of The Message...

Monday, October 06, 2008

Sharing the love...

So I got tagged. And I'm still unemployed and have nothing better to do with my time...

A. Attached or Single? Single. But I'm working on it.

B. Best Friend? There are a special few (who really should know who they are) that keep me sane.

C. Cake or pie? Ooooh, quite tough actually...I would say pie (either Mumma's chicken or Banoffee of dreams) but then there's all stuff like Brownies. And Brownies. And Brownies. And Liz's chocolate cake. Both then, is what I'm really trying to say!

D. Day of choice? Hectic as they are, Sundays. But any day I get hugs is a good day.

E. Essential item? My phone. I'm not sure I function correctly without it. And that's not something I'm willing to test!!

F. Favorite color? Purple. Mostly. Also black for its slimming properties when it comes to clothing.

G. Gummy bears or worms? Either or.

H. Hometown? Petersfield

I. Favorite indulgence? Very close tie between wedges, cheese and beans and Jacks fish and chips (I can't say wine because that makes me sound like an alky...)

J. January or July? Ummmm. January I guess. I love winter. But only if its sunny...not a fan of the whole rain thing (hence not chosing July...)

K. Kids? Not yet.

L. Life isn’t complete without? Music, a Sound Desk, hugs and my Bible.

M. Marriage date? I have no idea, but during the summer sometime.

N. Number of brothers and sisters? for my sins, a big ugly brother.

O. Oranges or Apples? Apples. Oranges just ming.

P. Phobias? Spiders and frogs (fairly standard) death and being alone (kinda wierd)

Q. Quotes? This could take some time...

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Corinthians 12v9

"Those who stand for nothing fall for anything" Alexander Hamilton

Josh Lyman: All I'm saying is, if you were in an accident, I wouldn't stop to get a beer.
Donna Moss: If you were in an accident, I wouldn't stop for red lights.

"Sometimes I lay awake at night and ask myself "Where did I go wrong?" Then a voice says to me "This is going to take more than one night." Charlie Brown

"I have spread my dreams under your feet...tread softly, because you tread on my dreams" Yeats

R. Reasons to smile? My friends & the kids. Hugs. And a certain person's grin.

S. Season of choice? I guess sort of October-y time (with no rain) There are leaves to be kicked through and jumpers to be snuggled in to.

T. Tag 5 people: Blue Eyes, Ariel, Bella Farfella, Bean and Girl Guess we'll see how often they read my bloglet...

U. Unknown fact about me? There are plenty which are unknown. And that way they shall stay. Guess I could share my inside leg measurement (33") or the fact that I still sleep with a teddy-bear every night I'm at home.

V. Vegetable? Contrary to popular belief, I do eat vegtables. Now and again.

W. Worst habit? I flip out over the smallest things in an entirely unnecessary way. But I'm lovely. Really.

X. X-ray or Ultrasound? Well, neither by choice, but having never had an Ultrasound, I guess X-Ray. They don't hurt at least.

Y. Your favorite food? Roast. Or Chinese food. Or Fish & Chips. Or Mumma's Chicken pie. There is no way I could ever pick just one.

Z. Zodiac sign? Pisces but I don't actually believe in them.

And that, my friends, has filled 20 valuable job-hunting minutes. What joy!

Love, etc.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

What would yours say??

I completely and utterly blame Blue Eyes for this latest obsession, but its not all bad. When you start reading the things people are writing on their postcards, it does make you stop and think.

Why do we keep these things a secret? Fear of judgment? Because we're too worried about people's reactions to them?? Or simply because sometimes its hard enough being honest with yourself let alone the world around you.

Maybe sometimes we just need a little encouragement to realise that

and start to be able to speak honestly at last.

Love, etc.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

For once, I have nothing to say...

by R. Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly,longingly, I cried.
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, He replied.
I pleaded, and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, "Child you must wait."

"Wait? You Say Wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why.
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future, and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me, 'wait'?
I'm needing a 'yes,' a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no,' to which I can resign.

"And Lord, you have promised that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking: I need a reply!"

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."
So I slumped in my chair; defeated and taut
And grumbled to God; "So I'm waiting, for what?"

He seemed then to kneel and His eyes met with mine
And He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, darken the sun,
Raise the dead, cause the mountains to run.

"All you see I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust, just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me,
When darkness and silence was all you could see.

"You would never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of My comfort late in the night;
The faith that I give when you walk without sight;
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"And you never would know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that 'My grace is sufficient for thee.'
Yes, your dreams for that loved one o'ernight could come true,
But the loss! if you lost what I'm doing in you.

"So be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft' my My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all... is still... wait."

Thursday, September 18, 2008


Time for an update to the Things I have learnt methinks...

- some people talk an awful lot without actually saying anything
- "
Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great” Mark Twain
- often the best advice comes from the most unexpected places
- just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you the best way they can
- retail therapy is extremely good for the soul
- sometimes, nothing can help apart from your mum's cooking (but for everything else, wine and chocolate do the trick...)
- "there's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you" Nelson Mandela
- never make someone a priority when to them you are merely an option

That'll do. For now.
Love, etc.

Monday, September 15, 2008

We could all learn a thing or two from Harry Potter...

Or Dumbledore, at least, when he tells Harry that

"Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times when one only remembers to turn on the light"

Now, I'm not going off on another "every cloud has a silvery lining" blog. I promise. More or less. I've just realised in the past few days how important it is to keep perspective on what's going on around you.

I hate the fact that I'm not in Egham full time at the moment, but the time away is showing me how important some of my friendships are. In some of the most unexpected places, I'm finding reassurance of myself, security in my friendships and ultimately, contentment in who I am. It still surprises me when my friendship means the same to someone as their friendship means to me, or when someone has missed me as much as I miss them. My friends are what keep me smiling when I can't be there - I've found myself so extraordinarily blessed in my three years in Egham, and if all I learn whilst I'm away is to count my blessings more often, then that's lesson enough for me. Light on, if you will (bit of a flickery bulb at the minute though...)

On the flipside, there's also a lot of stuff about being back in Petersfield that I've been missing because I've been so dead set against being here. I haven't been to see Lee, or Sue & Maggie, all of whom are maybe 5 minutes walk away from me, and all of whom I haven't seen properly for the best part of a year. Some of my favourite times over the summer were the days where I got to have lunch and a proper chat with my Godfather, but I haven't taken advantage of the fact we're both still in the same county. This is the last time for pretty much ever that I'll have the chance to do whatever I like with so much free time...I think its about time I switched on this particular light.

Love, etc.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Pleasant Distractions and pebbles on a beach

“Memory: a child walking along a seashore. You never can tell what small pebble it will pick up and store away among its treasured things.” Pierce Harris

Do you ever get the thing every now and again where you find something...a picture, letter or a certain smell...that sends your mind off on a little nostalgic tour of happiness?? I'm not talking pictures of exes that provoke huge "what might have been" tradges, or looking back at pictures from that great summer only to find the present day unfavourable in comparison ,but just those little things that make you smile as you remember.

Some things are special, and I know exactly where to find them to make me train ticket from March 13th when I worked at the Royal Albert Hall that is still in my wallet even now, the picture of the kids I keep next to my computer screen, old txt msgs at the bottom of my inbox that just fill me with smiles each time I re-read them...but some things are just random and can spring on you completely unaware...the smell of my after-sun lotion reminding me of that week in the first year where I was too burnt to wear anything other than my halter-neck bikini and top and Emma had to rub my shoulders with lotion 4 times a day...old channel plans from our big rigs reminding me of celery jokes and humongously confusing coffee orders (poor trainee Barista!)... old MSN conversations from during my finals where Superman had me in fits of giggles while we talked at cross-purposes about fire hydrants and lassoing small children or where Profound Admirer sent me Dawsons Creek quotes at each defining point of my recent life...each one a pleasant distraction full of memories of good times.

I guess the trick is to be able to let go of the rubbish - I don't particularly remember the pain of the sunburn, just the great hilarity amongst my friends that I was the same color as my ball gown for the Summer Ball that year...I don't dwell on the tiredness or the long hours or bruises acquired from the rigging, just the incredibly fun times we had doing it. I'm not saying I'm great at letting go, far from it, but as I spend more time on the pleasant distractions, I find the bad stuff melts away to prove that memory is a way of holding on to the things that you love, the things you are and the things you never want to lose. Everything else can be chucked away.

Love, etc.

Friday, September 05, 2008


"...when you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it."

Winnie the Pooh was deep. Go figure.

Love, etc.

Sunday, August 31, 2008


Clearly tonight is a night of blogging inspiration. Or, more accurately, inspiration about what gives us it were.

Tonight, for example, I was watching You've Got Mail, a film I've seen about twenty times before (soppy romantic that I am) but was struck at least two lines that prompted the (increasingly regular) thought "oooh, that'd make a good blog entry" Sad, I know.

The first was when Meg Ryan was asked if she had anyone special in her life and she answered, "no, just...the dream of someone," referring to her mystery online man, and it made me wonder - do we make life harder for ourselves by idealising everything. She certainly had someone, an almost tangible relationship, but she missed it unfolding in real life for quite some time (at least an hour and a half) because she was too busy dreaming about her mysterious ideal.

The second was more straight-forward, but also deeper. Tom Hanks is ripping it out of the Joni Mitchell song, Both Sides Now. Now, I also have no idea what the lines "
Its cloud illusions I recall

I really don't know clouds at all" mean either, it just made me wonder how often we just look at our friends in passing...seeing them every day and them being there. Not really stopping to wonder from the look of them what will happen next until it becomes really obvious.

So yes. That's my thoughts for the day...daydreams and friendship like a weather forecast. Maybe I should watch less films.

Love, etc.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Learning the hard way

"You can't always get what you want"

A classic line by the Rolling Stones that just makes me think of House arguing with Cuddy. I don't remember what they're squabbling about, but in answer to him saying he wants something only to be told that you don't always get what you want, he sasses back to her

"but if you try, sometimes you might find you get what you need."

This is so very true. True but so often forgotten. How often do we decide that we want something then get unhappy when it doesn't happen?? How many times do we decide that something is meant to be and then get hurt when it doesn't work out?? And how many time does that need to happen before we'll remember??

Blue Eyes summed this up for me last night, albeit unknowingly, by reminding me that just because someone doesn't love you way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you the best they can. Or in other words, it might take a while, but eventually you realise that most of the time, things do really work out for the best.

Love, etc.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

One day at a time...

Everyone has their Oz - somewhere where they land, often unexpectedly, where they find their feet and finally feel at home. For some people, its a scenario - a situation where they flourish, becoming truly themselves at the opportunity; for others, its a place where they're able to come alive and establish themselves an identity, emerging from the shadows of others to become an individual.

When I arrived in Egham, nothing was further from my mind than the fact that this was going to be the place where I could be me. Not John & Gill's daughter like I was at home, not Ben's little sister like I was for my entire school life, but me. But three years later, I've forged an identity for myself; I've become my own person. I didn't expect this, I couldn't have predicted it to this extent, and I didn't look for it to happen, but it has, and I'm me. In my Oz.

It does make me wonder though...if I *had* looked for it, expected it, would it still have happened?? If I'd tried to make it happen, would I be genuinely me, genuinely what I was meant to become, or just something that I thought I should be? If I had spent too much time thinking and not just grabbing the opportunities, would I be the same? I think not. I'm not saying be thoughtless; after all, some of things that have shaped me the most have been learnt as a consequence of my slightly heedless nature, but on the flip side, thinking too much can just hold you back and mean that you miss what could potentially be one of best experiences of your life.

I have no idea what my future holds. There are too many unanswered questions at the moment for me to be sure what's going to happen. But that's not going to ruin the now

One day at a time--this is enough.

Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come.

Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering

Love, etc.

p.s. Still waiting for my Wizard though...he's still hiding behind his emerald curtain

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Thought for the day...

No matter how big and how snuggly, a cuddle from the duvet is not the same as the real thing.

Love, etc.

Friday, August 15, 2008

I am who I am because of...

I had half an ear on the tv this evening while I was on the phone and heard the tagline for, I think, Orange - "I am who I am because of everyone" - and it got me thinking.

...I am the sum of my relationships, the people I meet, the experiences I share...

Simple really. But oh so very complicated - does that mean that we let those around us define us?? Or that we can carve an identity out for ourselves shaped by our experiences?? Or somewhere between the two??

Sadly, I think its more often the first. "I am who I am because of everyone" becomes a negative statement - I am who I am because of the labels people put on me. Or worse, the labels we *perceive* have been put on us. Why is the default setting so often to believe the very worst about ourselves?? Why do we let it happen??

It is true that experiences can shape you, sometimes very strongly...that when you look back, you can see the people who have helped and those who have hindered. The lessons learnt that you should carry with you, but also all the stuff that should be left in the past. The people we come in contact with shape us, of course, but there is a difference between learning from and reacting to people and situations, and letting them define us. Yes, we are the sum of our relationships, the people we meet and the experiences we share. But not defined by any one single thing - not by one failed relationship, or by being the mother of three, or by being one of the gang. We are defined by a combination of factors that come together to make our unique us-ness.

So no, I am not who I am because of who you have made me, but because of how I choose to to be. Because of what I choose to believe about myself. Because of how *I* choose.

Love, etc.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Things I'll never say?

I was reminded today of the Avril Lavigne song Things I'll Never Say, and thought how sad it was. Like, real sad, not tradge sad.

What use is it to you
What’s on my mind
If ain’t coming out
We’re not going anywhere
So why can’t I just tell you that I care

When did it become ok to not tell people that you loved them? When did society become so much more concerned about "being British" and not showing emotion than looking after each other? And why do we think that that's an ok way to live?

She's not that deep, but she's got it about right when she points out that
...I’m wishing my life away
With these things I’ll never say...
and it just makes me hard is it to be honest? To tell someone that you appreciate them, that you value their friendship, that you miss them. It goes without saying that people's friends and those that they love really are much more important to them than keeping a stiff upper lip. It just doesn't always come out that way.

Love, etc.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Coffee & Chat (part 2)

Discussed at great words or actions mean more?? Words can be utter throwaway comments, whereas actions require some thought and active participation. I haven't felt as loved in a long time as I did on Monday when I discovered that someone had gone out of their way to come to church specifically to say goodbye to me - that action meant a lot more than a phone call would have done. Not that the phone call wouldn't have been appreciated, but the action went the extra mile.

That does not, however, belittle the effect that words can have, both positive and negative. Words are so simple and yet, can have such a great effect. It's worth taking just a second to think how long-lasting the effects of your words are going to much damage you might cause, or how easily you could build someone up and make them smile.

"Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark"

Or, in other words, the little things mean a lot.

Love, etc.

P.S. Again, not technically coffee, since it was celebratory Champagne and chat, but the wisdom still stands.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Roots and Wings

So this Thursday, I have to move out of The House of Dreams, at which point two very sad things will happen
  1. Egham will no longer be the place I call home
  2. Smelly boys will move in and 161 Larksfield will become, in true Prince-eqsue fasion, (The House Formally Known As) The House of Dreams
Now, boys living in our beautiful house is traumatic enough, but when that is coupled with the fact I have to leave Egham, I'm very surprised I haven't (quite) turned in to an emotional wreck. If you'd asked me three years ago what my plans were for my life, I'd've told you that I was going to hate university, go home every weekend because I was so homesick and that at the end of it I'd go home, get a PGCE and teach at my old school. Now the bright lights of London town beckon me, and I am counting the days until I can come back home.

And before you ask, my parents (probably not reading but you never know...) would be incredibly proud to read that. They packed me off to uni not entirely sure I'd make it through Freshers Week, let alone three years, and yet, just three years later, I've come to consider this small, sleepy, (let's be honest) slightly dead-end town my home. They gave me very strong, very deep roots during my years in Petersfield that gave me the strength of character (and slightly unrealised resources within myself) to up and leave and come to uni.

After three years, I've got some very deep roots of my own in Egham, nurtured by parents both real and surrogate. And I know that in another twelve/eighteen months, I'll be spreading my wings and flying off again (hopefully literally). I'm fully aware that I'm not going to be here forever. But for now, its not the end; I will be back. I'm not done with Egham just yet.

Love, etc.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Coffee & Chat (part 1)

Today's gem...God will never test you with more than you can handle. But its entirely possible that you've utterly underestimated your own capability

Love etc,

**N.B** I know I don't actually drink coffee, but "strawberry frappe milkshake with whipped cream & chat" didn't have quite the same ring to it...

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Profound Admirer

I discovered today, by having a real conversation, in the real world, that my bloglet has a Profound if only *I* could have one...

To Everything There Is A Season...

Today was the first time in thirteen years that I wasn't at Open Day. Twice before Ben started, twice with Ben before I started, seven (!) times of my own, and then two more since leaving to see what was going on and what I was missing. Clearly I am a glutton for punishment! Not being there today was quite sad in a way, but also an indicator of my progression from scared kid leaving school to (reluctant) responsible adult going out in to the world. Time is a strange thing...when I was faced with the prospect of leaving the school I had loved, I always said I'd chain myself to the gates and they'd never get rid of me. But when it came to it, the gates had been painted blue, and it wasn't quite the same; it wasn't quite my Churcher's College, and leaving wasn't quite so hard. My season there had come to its natural end, and there were new things for me to explore.

I do find it strange then that today of all days I found myself back at my original hall of residence with a friend. Being back at Kingswood was very strange...seeing my old window looking down on the courtyard and the tree we broke on our third night there (that is still broken)...the smell of the corridors that is still the same as it ever was...the familiarity of swinging down the steps in C Block...I found myself thinking that I could go back tomorrow and it wouldn't be weird; I could go back tomorrow and love it just as much as I ever did, and in many ways, I'd give anything to be starting again in September. But same as when I left school, things have changed; its not my Kingswood anymore - my time at uni is also at its natural end.

I was watching a friend listen to The Byrds song "Turn! Turn! Turn!" the other day, but it didn't strike me until today that there really has been a season for everything in my life, and not just that, but a time for every purpose, under heaven. And at each stage, no matter how painful the idea of leaving was, what came next was so much better than I could have planned or I'm going with the likelihood that, given just a little bit more patience, that is going to happen again.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to
harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future" Jeremiah 29v11

Sunday, June 22, 2008

The greatest glory lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall

I didn't actually intend to blog today; I was just perusing my blog and trying to work out who Blue Eyes was (clearly I've now worked it out!) when I realised the truth of something I claimed to have learnt...

Lets be honest here - the degree result did not go to plan. Those few of you who saw me on Thursday can testify to that...not good times in the land of the lulus. After some genuinely allowed upsetness and a little more Drama Queen-ness, seeing the giraffes at London Zoo and a lovely day in the sun today, I am officially over it. And myself. So it didn't go to what. There's very little I'd change about my time at uni, and if I did change even the smallest thing, I wouldn't be who I am today. I've learnt more about myself than I could ever have learnt about English literature, and at the end of the day, I'd say that was more important really. A degree is just one piece of paper; the last three years couldn't be summed up on a ream of the stuff.

So pick myself up, move on As someone very wise once said, the greatest glory lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. And that's made all the easier if you have so many special people to catch you

Love etc.

Monday, June 16, 2008

But how *do* they do it?!

I observed *the* cutest conversation at Embankment today...

Small child: Mummy, is the Circle Line called the Circle Line because its a big circle??
Mother: Yes. Well done! That was really good remembering

*she goes back to looking through her handbag having finished the conversation*


Small child: Mummy?
Mother: Yes?
Small child: You know how at home the train comes out over the ground and you can see it and Daddy told me that's how they get the trains in to the tunnels??
Mother: Yes... *clearly wondering where this is going*
Small child: So how do they get the trains into the Circle Line?

Does it say something about me that I often wonder the same thing??

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Things I have learnt...

Its not just English I've been learning for the last three years....

- Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life
- A friend is one who strengthens you with prayers, blesses you with love and encourages you with hugs
- Missing someone isn't about how long its been since you've seen them, or the amount of time since you've talked...its about that very moment when you're doing something and you wish they were right there with you
- Always wear sunscreen
- Sometimes its ok not to be ok
- A hug says everything words can't
- "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness"
- Cinderella is living proof that a pair of shoes can change your life
- Those who stand for nothing fall for anything
- The greatest glory lies not in falling, but in rising every time we fall
- A girl worth kissing is not easily kissed
- Eventually one of two things will'll realise he's not worth it, or he'll realise you are
- Don't tell God how big your storm is. Tell the storm how big your God is
- Every new beginning comes from the end of some other beginning's ending
- Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them
- Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord

**N.B. There are very few original thoughts there...even the idea of the blog was borrowed from Life Lessons but when was the last time you learnt something that someone else hadn't already thought of??**

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Prayer and Pooh Sticks

My dad has what I believe they call "eclectic" taste in music. Said eclecticism meant that I was subjected to Garth Brooks all the way to Cheltenham (which, from Petersfield, is an awful lot of Garth Brooks!!) However, one song did grab my attention which ran something along the lines of thanking God that the singer hadn't got what he'd prayed for at the time because he'd ultimately got something so much better

I guess the Lord knows what he's doin' after all
And as she walked away and I looked at my wife
And then and there I thankedd the good Lord
For the gifts in my life

In his case, it was a girlfriend and subsquent wife, but how many times do we think that we know so well what is best for us and demand it of God?? Hmm, ponder.

And just incase I hadn't quite got God's point for the day, at Hannah's christening, He had a little nudge as well. Whilst I was busy cooing over how sweet the priest was with the other little kids
asking them all sorts of questions about water and washing and cleaning etc, he started talking about different places water can be found, and somehow managed to get on to describing our lives as Christians like a game of pooh sticks. Now, don't for one second imagine that he used the term pooh sticks; he merely described us as being like sticks drifting down stream towards an ultimate goal but coming up against obstacles and blockages on the way. But you can see how I got pooh sticks out of it!

We all have an idea of what we want and how we're going to get it, but how much do we trust God that He really does know best and wait on His timing. And that means *really* wait and trust in Him, not trust in Him on our terms and in our means really believing that strength will rise as we wait on God, not just laughing at how catchy the bass riff is. He's not going to give up on us, no matter how much we set our own timings and then fail utterly.

So, with all that in mind, God, can I have a job now??