Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Pointless or, Pity Party for One?

Do you ever look at your life and wonder why on earth you are where you are? Do you ever just sit back and think "what on earth am I actually here for?" I am aware at this point that it sounds like I could do with a good dose of The Purpose Driven Life, but I did that last time I was terminally unemployed, and given that that was only such a short time ago, I'm not convinced its been long enough to make a difference again. Today is most definitely *not* a Pollyanna day.

The only thing stopping this pity party for one is the knowledge in the back of my mind that, however pointless I feel that there must be a purpose for me somewhere. Right now, I can't see it. I have no idea why my patience is being tested in so many different ways. I have no idea what I'm meant to be learning. I have no idea why things are being given with one hand and taken away with the next leaving me splitting my life between 2 counties, not fitting in in either, with no money to speak of to my name.

I have no answers. And to be honest, I'm surprised I found this many words.

Love, etc.

p.s. I may have been overstating when I said the pity party was being held at bay. Clearly it is not.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Grace, or That's Called Growing Up Kiddo

I am not by nature the world's most gracious person. Actually, let me rephrase that. I'm an incredibly gracious person unless I feel threatened, then I get all loud and proud and kinda forget the "by their works you shall know them" bit, and the whole "whatever is true...noble (&) right" thing and just get a bit, well, nasty.

I've made reference to The Drummer's Ex before I think, but BOY has that become a situation recently where I need to be gracious. The Drummer calls it "gracious in victory" but over the last couple of days, I think just "gracious" would do. I have in my life something a lot of girls would kill (or at least seriously maim) for - a dependable, solid guy who utterly adores me and goes out of his way to protect and look after me. And he's mine. And he's not going anywhere. So why do I let myself turn into such a diva when she calls him (or floats onto our radar in any small way) Why do I act like a brat and make a difficult situation worse? Why can I not just look at my life and realise I have more than enough to share a little grace with others?

Its all well and good being gracious when life is easy, but that's not entirely the point of grace. Having a tantrum is easy. Being gracious is not. Realising what I have, both on earth and in my God, made me realise in turn that I should have no option.

Being gracious isn't a choice, it should be the norm. But MAN is that hard.

Love, etc.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009


Its funny how things turn out. I thought my summer was going to be like this, but it ended up being about totally different things to what I had expected...

It wasn't just my brother's wedding. It was the day I got a sister...

Lots of technical geekery with The Godfather that wasn't just technical geekery but some special times of healing and wisdom (but ok, there was lots of playing with new toys too!)

Whilst I was totally expecting to love my holiday in Weymouth, it never occurred to me how much I'd love becoming part of a new family...

A return trip to the city that stole my heart became the first of many "City Breaks For The Girls," a fact which I'm VERY excited about!

There was a whole lot of hanging out with the gang...

and from a source I never thought I'd here it from again, I was reminded that

Readjustments. Sometimes they're not all bad.

Love, etc.