Diamonds and things

"A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure"

Its not just because I have one permanently attached to my left ring-finger that this quote spoke volumes to me the other day, although it is symbolic of my perfect ending to the dating chapter of my life.

Heat and pressure turn coal into diamond. Extreme heat and pressure. When you think about a diamond like that, it makes you realise that sometimes, the heat and the pressure can turn out something even better than the original material it was working with.

I sometimes wonder if they people applying the pressure would do so if they knew what the end result might be.

Love, etc.

xx

Seeing Both Sides, or Why Idealising Life Can Be Dangerous...

I've always *always* envied Sound Man his job, despite his constant protestations that its "just a job" - I never understood how the glamour and excitement and atmosphere surrounding gigs could ever become "just a job" but since starting work, I've realised what he meant - its just a job. When you're buck-stoppingly responsible for the lights working at the right time, or the sound being bang on time after time, there's not a whole lot of time left to enjoy soaking up the atmosphere. I can understand how it quickly stops being the most glamourous thing in the world and enters the realms of normality.

On the flip side, however, I was showing a new director and his producer round the theatre last night and the director was so envious of my job and my "office," wanting to know how I got it and where he could get one like it. I saw so much of myself in that comment!

Don't get me wrong - I still *love* it and wouldn't want to do anything else with my time, but I've started to realise things in life aren't as perfect as our brains sometimes make them out to be.

Love, etc.
xx

p.s. Apart from The Drummer. He is, of course, perfect in every way :p

The Tables Are Turned... (a.k.a Fit For Purpose part 2)

When RJ & Sound Man sat me down and taught me about me about gain theory and condenser mics and sound desks and every type of cable under the sun, I never in a million years thought it would lead to me teaching anyone anything ever. Yet in the space of 2 days, I've delivered a mini-lecturette on pan-pots, instructed FAR too many children in the correct etiquette of a Tech Gallery and been given two prefects to train as Junior Technicians. Oh, and been asked to help deliver the "technical" side of a new diploma the kids are starting in Creative and Media Studies *PANIC FACE*

How can I teach something I barely know myself?? What do I have to offer about the role of being a technician?! Why do people keep treating me like an adult when I'm really really not?! (Clearly I am doing too good a job of pretending...) But in all seriousness - I never expected that I'd have to share what I know in any kind of formal setting, let alone stand in front of 27 kids and start their introduction to Technical Theatre. I've barely finished my own.

There is, however, a part of my brain that is pointing out that that is just exactly what we're meant to do with our knowledge and things that we learn - pass it on to others. I've blogged about the Parable of the Talents before, particularly in the context of my work, so I guess this is just another nudge to remind to stop hoarding and start sharing. Clearly this year is going be very little to do with resting on my laurels and quite a lot to do with getting fit for the next purpose that He has in store for me.

Love, etc.
xx

Setting the summer out in style

Summer '09 is going to be good. Possibly better than good. I have a small inkling that its going to be the best ever, if only for these three reasons:

1) celebrating the end of my first term at work directing lighting here:


2) Spending a whole week in the sun with The Drummer (& his LOVELY parents) here:


3) Going back here after 3 years away:


There's also three weddings, plenty of time spent in Egham with my extended family and the small matter of a Take That tour with Sound Man.

I'm pretty sure there'll be a whole lot of this kind of behaviour too:


and hopefully some of this:

DEFINITELY some of this:


and most likely a WHOLE lot of this:


Bring it on.

Love, etc.
xx

All roads lead to Rome...

Do you ever wonder sometimes in life whether you've ever strayed too far from the path allotted to you?

When something seems to good to be true and you follow it then it all goes wrong, does it ever make you question whether it really had been too good to be true and you weren't meant to be doing it at all?

Something I've learn in the last few weeks is that things are nearly always too good to be true. There's nearly always a catch. But its what you decide to do when faced with that catch that matters I think. Everyone over-idealises situations in their lives, but it takes real guts to face up and admit that its not what you thought but that you'll work with it anyway.

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always
reach my destination"
James Dean

Love, etc.
xx

p.s. When I said all roads lead to Rome, what I really meant was all roads lead to mixing sound for Last Night of the Proms. Somehow.

xx

Just incase I was in any doubt...

I've spent a lot of time doubting this last week. Not so much "any doubt" as "an awful lot of doubt that occasionally flickers in to certainty" (and not in a good way) And its mostly my own fault.

*backtrack* On my first day, I almost quit. 10 minutes in, I had so much on my plate that I just wanted to curl up in a little ball and cry What I didn't share at the time was the reasons why I didn't (apart from good old-fashioned pig-headedness and refusing to be beaten by something so mundane as not having the faintest clue about how to do anything I'd been asked to do)

*present day* for future reference, I spend a lot of my time (well, a little bit of my time) sitting in the foyer feeling exhausted and trying to blend in and look like I'm working really hard (which rarely, if ever, works, as sitting and doing nothing is not a part of my job description...)

*backtrack* so I'm sitting there on my first day wondering what on God's green earth I've got myself in to when some random guy walks in (on your first day in a new school, there are LOTS of random guys) and introduced himself as the pastor of Petersfield Christian Fellowship & told me that they book out The Studio once a month for a worship meeting and would that be something I'd be interested in working on. Affirmation that I Was Meant To Be Doing This After All Number 1.

*still backtracked but forward a little* to the first day of the easter holidays. Having gone through The Studio diary and realised just how many (few) free weekends I had this term to see The Drummer and just how heavy all the set seems to be, I was starting to have another major wobble. When the guy I'm taking over from ups and comes out as a Christian, leading to a long conversation about how to manage the job AND still get to church on a Sunday (answer...with some difficulty, careful arrangement and overcoming the tiredness to go out again after you're at home on the sofa) Affirmation that I Was Meant To Be Doing This After All Number 2.

*present day -2* with a very tired quite unhappy Beautiful Intellectual after a rehearsal where nothing had gone right, the lights were all over the place and The Boss had gotten mildly irate that we opened in 2 days and had still not done a full run-through of the play yet. I had a very long very tearful conversation with The Drummer when I got home where I was wondering how much longer I could cope with the job and he was trying to persuade me not to quit. He asked what had happened to all the confidence I'd had over the Affirmations That I Was Meant To Be Doing This After All, and that just upset me even more because I hadn't felt I'd had any in so long. I had a little grumpy "well I wish I could have some more" strop, stamped my foot a bit, and went to bed.

*present day -1* Literal staggered in to school. Seriously lacking the energy to place one foot in front of the other, let alone put in a full days work then have a Dress Rehearsal. Fired off a few txts to The Gang, not expecting a huge amount other than sympathetic noises (which was really what I was after) and instead got informed that they were having a day of prayer and would be praying for me all day. Yesterday, nothing could go wrong. The Dress Rehearsal ran (from my point of view) like a dream and I didn't feel so tired or so emotional (and if you don't believe me, just ask The Drummer. I was *definitely* in a good mood last night) It hit me like a hard-hitting thing (WHAT?! I've worked 112 hours in 10 days with no time off. Give a girl a break for not coming up with a more creative simile!) that that was Affirmation that I Was Meant To Be Doing This After All Number 3 - when I remembered to ask for prayer, God stepped in again.

It reminded me of something Mrs Shep always tells me - prayer works, but only if you pray. And just incase I needed reminding, today I got Affirmations 4, 5, 6 and 7 (The Drummer,'s patience and love and encouragement for me when I was having a pre-show meltdown, a perfect first run with the lighting, Little Miss Dance sorting out the slideshow for the event immediately following the matinee and a fantastic site team who totally picked up the pieces from my *small* error (setting of the fire alarms all around the site with the smoke machine) with no problems)

Four in a day. In case I needed reminding that all I need to do is ask.

Love, etc.
xx

A mixed bag

I'm so tired today I can barely tell which way is up, let alone what day of the week it is. And even at the times that my brain registers it's Thursday, there's no point in thinking about the weekend, as such a phenomena does not appear in my diary now until the end of May. I don't think I need to have another Pollyanna Day, as even when I'm flicking through my diary bemoaning how full it is, the Drummer's visits are highlighted in bright yellow & jump out of the business to make me smile.

That hectic busyness means that, yes, I'm totally and utterly exhausted 4 days in to term - as if starting work wasn't enough, on my second day in the job, I had to direct lighting at Portsmouth Guildhall for Rock Challenge, which meant a 7am departure from school and a midnight return to Petersfield. BUT. It meant that I got to direct lighting AT PORTSMOUTH GUILDHALL. On my SECOND DAY IN THE JOB.

That hectic busyness means that I seriously feel like I'm neglecting my friends, I feel cut off from Egham and, when I'm having a serious pity party, I feel neglected and like no-one is even missing me. BUT. The hectic busyness means that the days are flying by. I'm learning TONNES and each gig I get offered is more exciting than the last (slight lie there because nothing has yet beaten Rock Challenge, but that was pretty much a one off) (apart from when I get to do it again at the Southern Finals at the end of May) (and again at the Sheffield Arena at the beginning of July if we place in the top 6 in the Southern Finals) (Yes, directing lighting at the SHEFFIELD ARENA at the end of my first term. Yes)

That hectic busyness means that the Drummer is getting quite a lame deal of a girlfriend at the moment. Today he called me at lunchtime "just to hear my voice while I was awake," because all I've done for the last 5 nights is fall asleep on the phone to him. Literally (which has apparently made for some very interesting conversations that I have no recollection of...) (I totally get my own back every morning though while I GET TO WORK at 0745 and then call him to WAKE HIM UP. Yes. Exactly) The lame deal extends to having to sit and watch while I pack down the set when he's come to spend the weekend after a show week...the lame deal extends to a lot of "I miss your face/hugs/voice txts...the lame deal extends to him being almost as sleepy as me as he sits up waiting for me to get to bed and call him just so he knows I got home ok. But he gets to see me grow and thrive in a job we both know I was made for and was called to do. So he's ok with that.

As am I.

Love, etc.
xx

Organisation

I got asked the other day how I manage to juggle work & a social life in Hampshire with a social life in Surrey along with a boyfriend and a small but growing freelance career in both counties.

Answer?? Bang goes the social life. The boyfriend is getting increasingly used to seeing me sleep since by the time I get to him I'm normally shattered.

Sensible answer?? Like this:

My life is split across that stack, and calls on my best OCD tendencies to make sure nothing overlaps and clashes and that nothing gets missed. At any one time, making plans involves at least 2 of the above, if not more, with my PDA (mostly home & freelance use) and Work Daily Planner (obviously Work) being the 2 most essential items. If I lost either, I think the world would end. Its not a chance I'm willing to take! But then my jotter is always within a few feet of me to scribble down things I need to do, blog ideas, shopping lists, adresses and phone numbers etc, and my freelance book & work notebooks are never far behind incase the phone rings with bookings and/or changes of plan. So really, all 5 are never far from my grasp.

Sanity, however, is retreating rapidly. And I'd quite like it back! Routine, feel free to emerge, any time you feel good and ready. I'm waiting for you.

Love, etc.
xx

p.s. you know you've MADE IT in my life when you're a social arrangement highlighted in yellow in my work planner because you are immovable. Aren't you the special ones!!

Working Girl.

10 months of unemployment sure does stew your brain cells. A challenge 2 months ago used to consist of rewriting my CV to tie-in with any given job spec three or four times a day. A challenge now means "here's a lighting plan from Debs (who's on maternity leave) can you rig it for me. Oh, and Rock Challenge is on the second day of next term - can you start work on a lighting plan for that. And get the diary dates for Place of the Pigs in your planner because that needs to be rigged at the end of the first week of term" And that was just my first five minutes on my first day (I kid you not...I've never felt more like curling up in a ball and sobbing than I did after that "induction meeting")

Hitting the ground running understates what is looking like a marathon between now and half-term. Now and the summer really, as my diary is full right up until then, culminating in my first "outside broadcast" in the last week of term. I swing between thinking I'm absolutely crazy for thinking I can do this job and being so very very excited every time I open the doors and see *my* theatre.

There have been many panicked messages to The Drummer & frequent questioning of Sound Man & RJ as to whether the wanting to curl up in a ball & cry/crawl into a hole & give up/hibernate will go away, but each and every time I've been met with an overwhelming response. Sometimes (mostly) earthly - a well-timed txt, or our lovely caretaker making LUSH chocolate cake & leaving it in the staff room, or finding the right person on site to answer my question, but at the times I've been panicking worst, God has turned round and just smacked me right back into place. These instances include being introduced to the pastor of a local church who meet in the theatre once a month right at the time I was txting The Drummer wondering whether I'd made a mistake accepting the job, or chatting to the guy I'm taking over from about the anti-social hours, getting upset and changing the topic to just passing the time of day and discovering he's a Christian & then getting an opportunity to chat about juggling the work and going to church. Its made me realise all over again that God won't be giving me more than I can handle (but that, since its me, its more than possible I'm severely underestimating myself)

A day at a time, as I do more things and realise that a) I do know what I'm doing for most of it and b) what I don't know, I can quickly learn, I'm calming down, relaxing slightly, and even today, for the first time, enjoying it.

Maybe by next Easter, I'll have settled down!!

Love, etc.
xx

Problematic

I love being a Sound Engineer. I actually love it - I love music and how it all works together, I love mixing the different instruments together to make it sound good, I love the process of starting with an empty room and ending up with an awesome band blaring out the speakers.

The one thing I don't like about being a Sound Engineer is the stress. Not the stress of an event - that gets my adrenaline going and gives me the kicks to get going and get everything rigged. More the stress that I put myself under. Some of it healthy to make sure that everything is planned & all the kit gets on the van, most of it much less healthy that just ties me up in knots and makes me panic.

This weekend I'm doing a regular gig - I've done it exactly the same before, for the same clients with the same kit in the same venue. I've even got pretty much the same band as before, yet still I ended up in a flat spin yesterday while I was rigging. I could do it in my sleep, yet I still need Shep to dive in and help me before I lost the plot - I stressed myself out totally unnecessarily over something I know I could do. Even the AV side of things (which is still a bit new to me & still fills me with dread when I'm using any system other than that which I've been trained on) is all do-able (once I was provided with a laptop that actually WORKED) but yet I found myself in tears when I was prepping kit yesterday morning because I couldn't at that point see it working. Yet if I'd stopped to think about it logically, there was no need to panic. There were so many other solutions if Plan A hadn't worked. Its just occurred to me that technology is what makes this all so complicated - if the technology doesn't work, then that's that. New plan needed. But without technology, I'd be without a job. That I happen to love very much. So instead of dispensing with technology, I think I'll dispense with the panic. OK?

Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunlight

(Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Love, etc.

xx

I'm so proud!

Today I proudly present (with HUGE thanks to Nessa)...my first blogging award!!


The Rules:

As an award recipient, I am asking you to do the following:

List seven things that you love and then pass the award on to seven bloggers that you love! Be sure to tag them and let them know they have won. You can copy the picture of the award and paste it on your sideboard letting the whole world know...you are Kreativ!

So my 7 things...

Music

I love most kinds of music...singing it, playing it, listening to it, mixing it...I love how it all fits together and I *love* the shiver you get down your spine from certain melodies/harmonies. Love it.

GodHe's kind of important in my life. Without Him, I wouldn't have gone to St Johns...the rest is history.

Hugs

I don't think I function properly without my hugs and cuddles. From the kids, from The Drummer. From pretty much anyone really. Its all about the cuddles.

My FriendsAin't that the truth!!

Sound Desks

Because I am officially a geek. But that's my job. So I get to do what I love all day every day. And I don't think it gets much better than that!!

TechnologyIn all its forms, I am a fan. Living away from the majority of my friends (and my boy) I pretty much rely on technology to keep me sane. I am rarely far from an internet connection and never more than a foot away from my phone.

The kids

Babysitting is, without doubt, one of the things I miss most now I'm back home, and seeing them all and getting so many hugs and excited "guess what? guess whats?" everytime I go visit is one of the best things in the world :)

And as for my 7 favourite bloggers...that's kinda tough!! In no particular order now,

* Miss Blue Eyes

* Miss Musing

* Lele

* BlueBelle

* Sarcastiscally Optimistic

* Ariel

* Lily

So there we go. Enjoy your awards ladies, and keep up the good work!!

Taking my life off hold...

I was reading Miss Blue Eyes' latest blog this morning & thinking about what she said when I realised why I'm quite so excited about having a job - I can finally take my life off hold.

Since I applied for my first job last May, I've been constantly waiting for interviews/call backs/employment offers and not been able to make big plans because of such uncertainty over what I'd be doing when. That uncertainty meant no holidays, however big or small last summer because I didn't know when I may or may not be starting work. That uncertainty meant I couldn't move in with friends last September because money was so short and I didn't know where or when it would next appear. That uncertainty meant I was confined to being within a day's travel of London and/or Egham (I know, totally not that much of a chore to me!) incase I was called for interview.

Suddenly, now I have a job, this has all changed - I can plan trips to the seaside for Easter and daytrips to London over the summer. I'm thinking about Soul Survivor as a very real possibility and definitely planning a trip back to Rome with Miss Africa. I can afford to be spontaneous and go shopping for the day in the sunshine.

Its not about the money, although that does bring with it a certain freedom that I've been lacking these last 10 months. Its more about relaxing into and enjoying the freedom of the structure beginning to reappear after so long without it.

Its possible this thought made more sense in my head...

Love, etc.
xx

Perfection in the face of desperation, or, Why I should stop trying and start trusting.

I need to sleep. Really need to sleep. Today has been exhausting & my nerves and emotions are shot. But first, let me introduce you to my new office...

Desperation meant I was searching school websites for study supervisors when I saw that TPS wanted a Theatre Technician. Desperation meant that I cried when I saw it had closed 3 days earlier. Desperation meant I applied for it anyway. And perfection meant that I got called for interview the next day.

Desperation meant that when my interview got rescheduled last week, I lost the plot (and when I say "lost the plot," I mean in a seriously absolutely totally spectacularly I-am-an-epic-failure-at-life kinda way...) Perfection meant that I had 5 extra days to learn as much as I could about lighting (perfection also meant that I needed to know barely any of it during my interview!)

Desperation meant I was totally honest about how much prayer I needed. Perfection meant I was surrounded and covered by it & was constantly reminded all day just how blessed I am with my friends.

Desperation meant that when he hadn't called by 1700, I gave up on hearing today. Perfection meant that we'd just sat down to eat when he called & The Drummer & my parents were all there to celebrate with me.

Desperation has become all too familiar to me recently. But from here on in?? I'm going to stop trying and start trusting and just see what happens. Because what's happened so far is pretty damn good.


Love, etc.
xx

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing...

One of the things I try and make sure I'm thankful for while I'm unemployed is my time. Just 2 months ago I was so busy I could barely tell which way was up most days and now I literally have all the time in the world. A coffee date here, dinner there, occasional visit to Egham & the like - I am very much my own boss (and starting to like the cooking/ironing/scrapbooking/sewing/card-making a concerningly large tradtional-housewife-esquely amount) (not that that's a bad thing - I'm very much looking forward to it one day, just not yet!)

What I struggle with, I guess, is the waiting. I was reminded by this beautiful lady that everything happens in His perfect time, which is often subtly (or even majorly) different to ours. Or even to our perception of His time. I'm more guilty than most of this I think, as I like to look at my life and go, "well, I'm here. Listening. Waiting. Go for it...as long as I don't have to do X, Y or Z and don't have to leave Egham" I forced myself over that barrier by leaving Egham through my own choice, but am still struggling to relinquish X, Y and Z and just wait and see what He wants. I can't imagine that I'm not meant to work with orchestras and in Sound Engineering - He did, after all, bless me with those talents and skills and desires - but the big answer as to how and when has yet to appear. There are, however, enough pointers to show me that I am doing the right thing to (try and) wait and see.

Its hard, while you're doing that, not to wish. Or, at least, not to become regretful & full of if onlys. Its hard not to wish I'd done a different degree that would make applying for jobs easier, its really hard not to wish I was still in Egham & its nigh on impossible to not look back at some of the jobs I've applied for and really regret that I didn't get them BUT to have those wishes fulfilled would have meant not being at RoHo, which would mean no St Johns, which would mean no RJ, no Sound Man and no Mr Skins, which would equal no training which means I would never have realised how much I love Sound Engineering. Still being in Egham would mean no shiny new exciting relationship with The Drummer (yeah, I get the irony on that one...ask me about it sometime...too long to explain now) And having got one of those jobs would mean that the perfect job He has for me would have been missed and overlooked.

I'm not saying don't dream dreams - sometimes its just the best thing to sit and think and dream - just don't miss the world and all the opportunities around you at the same time. And never say never to God**

Love, etc.
xx

p.s. Don't suggest that now is the time to be aforementioned tradtional housewife. I (and The Drummer) will get far too scared and probably run away :p

** This is also a blog topic all of its own. To be saved for a future special occasion, as befits the topic.

Just for giggles...Random Letter Meme

With thanks to Blue Eyes viaTurquoise Ribbons, basically you get a random letter and blog about ten things you love that begin with that letter. Then when people comment the blog, you assign them a letter and so the meme continues with lots of different letters, lots of different loves and on lots of different blogs.

I would like to argue that Miss Blue Eyes did not, in fact, assign me a random letter when she chose to give me the letter J, but there we go. I shall do my best not to disappoint :p

1. St Johns My uni church that has become so much more than just a place to go on a Sunday morning. Because of St Johns and everyone in it, I now consider Egham my home (still, even though I'm living away at the moment) and still consider St Johns to be my church.
2. Josie & Jonah & all the other kids that I babysit for and fulfil the general purpose in my life of making me feel loved and making me smile whenever I see them :)
3. Jesus clearly a standard response to the most important things in my life, but really. My faith has given me much much more than just my salvation (see St Johns above! :p) It also means I have to do silly things like leave Egham to follow my calling, but even then, the benefits far outweigh the negatives.
4. The Jacks who deserve a category all of their own, despite their little monkeys having been mentioned already. Mumma Gingy was my original Uni Mum, and has never failed me yet, despite some truly spectacular tradges. She never tires of giving me the same advice (well, she may, but she still gives it and still loves me for all of my idiocy!!) and gives the best mumma hugs :) RJ could easily have his own category, but for the sake of ease (and lessening his embarassment) I figured he could share :p RJ was the first person to let me shadow him...the ensuing 2 years and my determination to make it as a Sound Engineer are all down to him saying yes that first time I asked if I could help rig, so nicely done RJ...its all your fault :p (Obviously I mainly mention him to say thankyou and give him a little message of affirmation and respect, in case that wasn't clear enough!)
5. Jim The one you were all waiting for!! I'm not going to embarass him (much) other than to say I've been blessed with a very very lovely boy who treats me like a princess and makes me feel very special :) He is one of the hardest things about being away from Egham, and is my best reason to go back :)

Now, after a small debate with Miss Blue Eyes, and having given her the answer she wanted when she assigned me the "random" letter J (!!) we agreed I could do 5 J's and 5 T's (an actual randomly assigned letter) so, to resume...

1. Technology Seeing as how some of my best friends are on the other side of a very big pond (KRISTEN!) and the rest of my besties and the boy are in Egham, technology is one of my favouritest things EVER. MSN, Skype, my mobe, email and Facebook aren't a way of life because I'm a geek, they're all just ways of staying in touch with the people I love when we're not in the same place.
2. Tulips are just the most beautiful flower ever made, so they get to figure on here.
3. Television because I'm that cool! I don't actually watch *that* much tv, but there are a certain few shows I never miss (The West Wing, Outnumbered, Greys, Neighbours, Home & Away, Hollyoaks, Strictly Come Dancing, The Apprentice, Casualty & Holby City to name a few) (OK, so I do watch a lot of television. I'm unemployed. Go figure!)
4. TeaTime Every day from the day I learnt how to say it, about half past four, mum would get "Mumma...what tea?" This only really stopped when I left home for uni, aged 18 :p I love family teatime, particularly once me and Ben were older as it was often the only time of a day where the four of us were guaranteed to see each other.
   
5. Texting Arguably different from Technology as my point here is not so much keeping in contact as how much you can make someone smile with a tiny little txt, even if it doesn't say much at all.

So there we go. Enjoy!!

Love, etc.
xx

Yes Folks, its that time again!!

A potted history of 2008 in the world of Laura...

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before? Graduated, learnt to drive (sort of) rigged at the Royal Albert Hall.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for 2009? Utter fail. And as such, I doubt I'll be making any more!!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Erm...no? Not that I can think of. Its all about 2009 with the babies.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Dad's brother in Oz, but not other than that.

5. What countries did you visit? Apart from regular commuting between Egham & Petersfield, I went nowhere. I'm so rock'n'roll!!

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? A full-time job as a Sound Eng would be lovely please. Also a pink driving licence rather than my green one. Thanks.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
13th March - rigging Classical Spectacular at the Royal Albert Hall with Hodge (THE best day of the year)
My 21st Birth(four)day(s) were truly just the funnest 4 days of uni)
15th July - Graduation Day SWOOSH! :)
29th Nov-5th Dec - Bugsy Malone (I know The Godfather won't agree, but for me, one of the best weeks of my short little life so far)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Running tech for the first night of Mosaic

9. What was your biggest failure? Wasn't impressed with my degree result. Also with the lack of full time job.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? No major dramas spring to mind.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Had a bit of a handbags thing this year. And managed to get a new dress for each and every possible occasion.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
The Godfather because he's just THE best
RJ, Mr Skins & Sound Man for their undending support & encouragement during the (still ongoing) jobs debacle
My various mums & dads, particularly my second family Chez Holloway

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? Apart from my own?! Lets not go there.

14. Where did most of your money go? Probably eating out and buying coffee to be honest. Or handbags.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? rigging at the Royal Albert Hall (and any other time I got to see Sound Man), Mosaic, my 21st Birth(four)day(s) but my cake in particular, swooshing in my Graduation gown was SUPER fun and Tom & Na's wedding was just perfect (seeing her dress at the final fitting, however, will remain THE most exciting moment of our lives as housemates)

16. What songs will always remind you of 2008? Parry's "Jerusalem" from Clas Spec, "Strength Will Rise" for Pete & the gang, "Feels Like Home" from Tom & Na's wedding, Kate Nash's "Foundations" & Alanis Morisette's "Thankyou" and "Head Over Feet" from all the roadtrips.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) Happier or sadder? Happier I guess...get back to me on that one.
b) Thinner or fatter? Just about thinner, but starting to put it back on...post-Christmas Gymmage here I come.
c) Richer or poorer? Richer, actually. And even richer still once I've claimed my tax back WOOP.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? I actually have no regrets of this year where I look at something and wish I'd done more. Degree results and all.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? I don't know whether Mumma Gingy will agree, but I *think* I've actually stressed and panicked less this year than previously....would still like to do even less though. That would be ideal. Also maybe less wine consumption...

20. How did you spend Christmas? Again trying to ensure peace and goodwill prevailed between myself and my brother and my parents. More or less successfully.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008? That would imply a change of position since the beginning of the year. Which there hasn't been. Oh dear.

22. How many one-night stands? Every year the same question; every year the same answer - NONE.

23. What was your favourite TV program? Same old same old. Apprentice and Strictly. Although The X Factor was pretty addictive this year...

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No. I'm confused about where I stand with a few people, but I don't think there's any hate there.

25. What was the best book you read? The Time Travellers Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. Absolutely awesome.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? The Capital FM Breakfast Show on my clock radio. No, really. Nothing else can get me out of bed.

27. What did you want and get? to live in Egham after I graduated & to work on Bugsy Malone

28. What did you want and not get? A MacBookPro as ever. Also a full-time orchestral job. Sad times.

29. What was your favourite film of this year? Am I allowed to say Quantum of Solace?? (jokes Nick, jokes) Would HAVE to be Mumma Mia ;)

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Haha. The Birth(four)day(s). Good times. I was 21, and I did a variety of things, including an old-skool poker night with the original gang, a black tie Hollywood Starlet party, getting hideously embarassed by getting sung Happy Birthday at church & just so much other fun stuff with my friends :D

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? A first. Or even a 2.1. And any one of the 137 jobs I applied for!

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? As perfectly co-ordinated and modelled as ever ;)

33. What kept you sane? The Godfather. Pretty much single handedly. Its been a tough year and he was there every single step of the way whether I was going forwards or backwards. Nothing's happened that he doesn't know about & he still loves me & wants to look after me. The man is a living legend.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? After a fleeting thing for Russell Brand (I kno, WHAT?!) I settled happily back on Anton du Beke & Matthew Cutler.

35. What political issue stirred you the most? Income Tax. Seriously. SERIOUSLY?! THAT'S MY HARD-EARNED MONEY YOU'RE TAKING AWAY TO SUPPORT YOUR FAILING HEALTH SERVICE AND SHODDY GOVERNMENT. Pah. Emigration is appealing.

36. Who did you miss? My California Girl. Like MAD.

37. Who was the best new person you met? Bean. Without question.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008: that I'm a lot stronger and a lot more capable than I give myself credit for.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

And I will laugh until my heart it aches
And I will love until my heart it breaks
And I will love until there’s nothing more to live for

So there we go. That was 2008. I'm not going to tag anyone, but I *am* going to encourage you to de-lurk for 2 things...1) feel free to question away if I've been too cryptic (although I won't be revealing any of the pseudonyms) (unless the person in question wishes to reveal themself) and 2) to copy and do this on your blogs!!

Happy 2009 people...be blessed and be sure to ENJOY IT!!!

Love, etc.
xx

Fit for Purpose

I knew when I decided to leave that it was going to be hard. I probably slightly underestimated just how upsetting saying goodbye to the kids was, and I definitely underestimated how hard it was going to be walking away from my Sound Desk for the last time.

Some of you might think it odd that I've chosen to leave when its so hard to leave somewhere I'm so clearly attached to, but as someone very wise once said to me, its very easy to fall in to a rut without even realising just because its so comfortable and safe. At St Johns, I have been pastored and mentored in my faith to a place where I can lead others & teach them; I have been welcomed and loved and included in such a way that its only natural that I bring others to join in too; I have been given such amazing Sound training that I've been given my own team to mentor and teach. People have devoted a lot of time to my development, and I am fit for my purpose at St Johns.

But.

Being fit for purpose isn't enough. Becoming fit for purpose is good - people have spent three and a half years teaching me and building me up and loving me until I am fit for purpose, but its not enough. Its not what we're called to be. I don't have time to take up another ministry - I can't create more of myself to give out to help anymore in the church, but if I just stick to what I know and the things I already do, I'll stop learning. I'll stop growing, and that in turn will stop developing the talents and gifts that I've been given. Those of you who know me will know how much I rant about the Parable of the Talents and how unfair it is that the servant gets punished for not doing anything with his talent, but recently I've really understood that concept - its nice to be comfortable and feel safe and know that at the same time you're doing great work for your Church, but that's not what we're called to do. As my rigging hoody says, right across the back,

"I have come that you might have life and have it to the full" John 10v10

so that's what I'm going to do.


Love, etc.
xx


p.s. Aforementioned wise person also once told me how proud he'd be of me if I actually left & I know today that he is. I wouldn't be doing this without his patience and expertise he so willingly shared - RJ, this one's for you.

Mastercard moments

Cost of producing Bugsy Malone...£17k (yes, you did just read that correctly)

Cost of a ticket to Bugsy...£10

Cost of my train tickets back and forth to Petersfield for the week...£51.90

The look on The Godfather's face when he saw me on Tuesday...priceless.


Mastercard moments...what are yours??
Love, etc.
xx

Decisions...

So, out of the blue for pretty much all of you - when I leave Egham in December, I won't be coming back. The last three and half years have been the best of my short little life so far, but its time to move on.

There are lots of reasons for me going (and yes, these are at least equalled by the number of reasons I could stay) but I have the trump card of it feeling like its the right thing for me to do on the side of going, and those of you who know me are probably gobsmacked that I feel its the right thing for me to do, because if you'd asked me even a couple of months ago, I'd've still been so firmly set on finding the job of dreams and making Egham happen.

This last weekend, I was at my old school helping turn the Sports Hall in to a theatre, and despite the long hours and the stress, I realised that being on a Production Crew really is the dream. And I was living it. Yes, on a voluntary basis, Yes on a small scale, but in a surprising way, it made me happier than living in Egham doing any old job does. I can compromise on my geographical location and still be happy, but after all the experiences I've had on Crew, and remembering how good they all were, I don't think I can compromise on the job for much longer and still be so happy.

The more people I talk to about this, the more I hear truth in the fact that I'm more likely to get a job here rather than London; I realise the truth in the words that people aren't going to forget I exist and stop being my friend just because I don't live in the same town as them anymore and I've *finally* started to believe the truth that God doesn't only live at St Johns.

And even Dorothy had to leave Oz eventually.

Love, etc.
xx

p.s. Sorry for making that one all about me, but if you can't do it on your own blog...
x

10 Ways To Tell I'm A Real Adult Now

1) I have a tax code

2) I get up, wash, dress, make lunch and leave the house all before 9am

3) I eat salad out a tupperware and drink Diet Coke for lunch

4) The phrases "touch base" "heads up" and "let me check my diary and get back to you" creep out of the office and in to everyday life

5) The payments IN to my bank account very nearly cover the payments OUT

6) I wear a suit most days of the week & as such, ironing shirts is a now a valid week-night activity

7) I don't go on Facebook between the hours of 0830 and 1830

8) I have a lunchbreak where my personal phone goes crazy for an hour

9) 1730 is my favourite time of the day

10) I have a daily commute

...so may be it will stop feeling like I'm pretending soon!!

Love, etc
xx