Tuesday, September 30, 2008

What would yours say??

I completely and utterly blame Blue Eyes for this latest obsession, but its not all bad. When you start reading the things people are writing on their postcards, it does make you stop and think.

Why do we keep these things a secret? Fear of judgment? Because we're too worried about people's reactions to them?? Or simply because sometimes its hard enough being honest with yourself let alone the world around you.

Maybe sometimes we just need a little encouragement to realise that

and start to be able to speak honestly at last.

Love, etc.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

For once, I have nothing to say...

by R. Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly,longingly, I cried.
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, He replied.
I pleaded, and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, "Child you must wait."

"Wait? You Say Wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why.
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future, and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me, 'wait'?
I'm needing a 'yes,' a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no,' to which I can resign.

"And Lord, you have promised that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking: I need a reply!"

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."
So I slumped in my chair; defeated and taut
And grumbled to God; "So I'm waiting, for what?"

He seemed then to kneel and His eyes met with mine
And He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, darken the sun,
Raise the dead, cause the mountains to run.

"All you see I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust, just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me,
When darkness and silence was all you could see.

"You would never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of My comfort late in the night;
The faith that I give when you walk without sight;
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"And you never would know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that 'My grace is sufficient for thee.'
Yes, your dreams for that loved one o'ernight could come true,
But the loss! if you lost what I'm doing in you.

"So be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft' my My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all... is still... wait."

Thursday, September 18, 2008


Time for an update to the Things I have learnt methinks...

- some people talk an awful lot without actually saying anything
- "
Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great” Mark Twain
- often the best advice comes from the most unexpected places
- just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you the best way they can
- retail therapy is extremely good for the soul
- sometimes, nothing can help apart from your mum's cooking (but for everything else, wine and chocolate do the trick...)
- "there's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you" Nelson Mandela
- never make someone a priority when to them you are merely an option

That'll do. For now.
Love, etc.

Monday, September 15, 2008

We could all learn a thing or two from Harry Potter...

Or Dumbledore, at least, when he tells Harry that

"Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times when one only remembers to turn on the light"

Now, I'm not going off on another "every cloud has a silvery lining" blog. I promise. More or less. I've just realised in the past few days how important it is to keep perspective on what's going on around you.

I hate the fact that I'm not in Egham full time at the moment, but the time away is showing me how important some of my friendships are. In some of the most unexpected places, I'm finding reassurance of myself, security in my friendships and ultimately, contentment in who I am. It still surprises me when my friendship means the same to someone as their friendship means to me, or when someone has missed me as much as I miss them. My friends are what keep me smiling when I can't be there - I've found myself so extraordinarily blessed in my three years in Egham, and if all I learn whilst I'm away is to count my blessings more often, then that's lesson enough for me. Light on, if you will (bit of a flickery bulb at the minute though...)

On the flipside, there's also a lot of stuff about being back in Petersfield that I've been missing because I've been so dead set against being here. I haven't been to see Lee, or Sue & Maggie, all of whom are maybe 5 minutes walk away from me, and all of whom I haven't seen properly for the best part of a year. Some of my favourite times over the summer were the days where I got to have lunch and a proper chat with my Godfather, but I haven't taken advantage of the fact we're both still in the same county. This is the last time for pretty much ever that I'll have the chance to do whatever I like with so much free time...I think its about time I switched on this particular light.

Love, etc.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Pleasant Distractions and pebbles on a beach

“Memory: a child walking along a seashore. You never can tell what small pebble it will pick up and store away among its treasured things.” Pierce Harris

Do you ever get the thing every now and again where you find something...a picture, letter or a certain smell...that sends your mind off on a little nostalgic tour of happiness?? I'm not talking pictures of exes that provoke huge "what might have been" tradges, or looking back at pictures from that great summer only to find the present day unfavourable in comparison ,but just those little things that make you smile as you remember.

Some things are special, and I know exactly where to find them to make me smile...my train ticket from March 13th when I worked at the Royal Albert Hall that is still in my wallet even now, the picture of the kids I keep next to my computer screen, old txt msgs at the bottom of my inbox that just fill me with smiles each time I re-read them...but some things are just random and can spring on you completely unaware...the smell of my after-sun lotion reminding me of that week in the first year where I was too burnt to wear anything other than my halter-neck bikini and top and Emma had to rub my shoulders with lotion 4 times a day...old channel plans from our big rigs reminding me of celery jokes and humongously confusing coffee orders (poor trainee Barista!)... old MSN conversations from during my finals where Superman had me in fits of giggles while we talked at cross-purposes about fire hydrants and lassoing small children or where Profound Admirer sent me Dawsons Creek quotes at each defining point of my recent life...each one a pleasant distraction full of memories of good times.

I guess the trick is to be able to let go of the rubbish - I don't particularly remember the pain of the sunburn, just the great hilarity amongst my friends that I was the same color as my ball gown for the Summer Ball that year...I don't dwell on the tiredness or the long hours or bruises acquired from the rigging, just the incredibly fun times we had doing it. I'm not saying I'm great at letting go, far from it, but as I spend more time on the pleasant distractions, I find the bad stuff melts away to prove that memory is a way of holding on to the things that you love, the things you are and the things you never want to lose. Everything else can be chucked away.

Love, etc.

Friday, September 05, 2008


"...when you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it."

Winnie the Pooh was deep. Go figure.

Love, etc.