Making Bread

An off-the-cuff comment this morning during the sermon this morning about the widow using a Kenwood mixer instead of making the bread by hand struck me in a way nothing has from the pulpit for quite some time.

In leafy Surrey, breadmakers are quite the thing to have. Home-made fresh bread gracing your table is a statement about your lifestyle, and now breadmakers give even the fullest of full-time workers that little extra homely touch with ease. No more hours kneading the bread mix and waiting for the yeast to rise; just bread in your hands an hour later. You can even get the bread mix pre-mixed - no need to even measure out the ingredients.

And it got me to thinking -a relationship with God is more than a little like making bread. Today's Christian society seems to have fallen into a "breadmaker" sitting, listening, taking rut - we go to church as the bread mix, and have everything mixed up for us at a minimum of personal effort and then expect the end product to be as satisfying as others tell them it is. It works, but how beneficial is it? A child will never learn a basic fact of human life by watching mummy fill up the breadmaker - they'll learn by getting their hands dirty and experiencing step by step the process of making bread. I for one never want to be in a position of saying to someone searching for Christ that "it just is" or "that's just what happens" because I don't have any experience to share with them.

When did society start telling us that the simplest, easiest way was the best? And when did we, as Christians, start accepting that that was true?

I think its time we got our mixing bowls out.

Love, etc.

xx

Open Your Eyes

I didn't even realise until Saturday that I have a side of the train. At least, I'd rather that as an excuse than I've been living here for four years and getting the train to town most weeks without even SEEING half the scenery that flies past the window. I missed artwork, I missed parks, I missed the most beautiful stately home, which gobsmacked me.

What else have I been doing for four years and just not seeing things how they really are? What else have I been missing for even longer?

What have YOU been missing?

Love, etc.

xx

Clarification

Since getting engaged, The Drummer and I have been subject to a lot of opinions. Most of them welcome; nearly all of them truly excited for us; but some, unfortunately were not. Some people felt the need to tell me I was making a mistake, rushing in to things, settling for what I had, butting in where they had no right to be making comment.

To those that have watched us grow together as a couple, our engagement came as no surprise. They can see what we know - that we are perfect together. We were made for each other - I am his Spare Rib -I was made, ultimately, to be The Drummer's Wife. That was a huge part of what has been ordained for me and for my life, so why would I want to delay that? Why would I not want to start fulfilling my Promise now for the rest of my life? Maybe some people don't feel that; some people aren't sure after a year, so for them, waiting is the right thing. I can speak only for myself in saying that I'm sure.

I'm also sure that I'm not settling. I settled for the last guy I "dated" and boy did that mess me up. I spent a vast amount of time worrying that I would have to "settle" for the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I worried that I would have to "settle" for the father of my children. I worried that nobody would ever want to "settle" for me. And Someone changed all that. I was given The Drummer to show me that I *am* worth something far more than I ever could think of myself. To show me that settling is stupid - The Drummer is so much more than I could have ever hoped for or dreamed of. Settling leads dangerously to complacency. With The Drummer, I am striving every day to stay worthy of the love he gives me.

We are the first to acknowledge that we would be nothing without our God. Without Him, we wouldn't have been at St Johns. Without Him, we wouldn't have done Mosaic. Without Him, we wouldn't be together. He is the reason we are who we are, together, and apart, and it is in front of Him that we are making our vows.

A chord of three strands isn't easily broken, no matter how hard anyone wants to try.

Love, etc.

xx

Diamonds and things

"A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure"

Its not just because I have one permanently attached to my left ring-finger that this quote spoke volumes to me the other day, although it is symbolic of my perfect ending to the dating chapter of my life.

Heat and pressure turn coal into diamond. Extreme heat and pressure. When you think about a diamond like that, it makes you realise that sometimes, the heat and the pressure can turn out something even better than the original material it was working with.

I sometimes wonder if they people applying the pressure would do so if they knew what the end result might be.

Love, etc.

xx

Waves

Because I'm a little bit of a physics nerd, I know a little bit about waves. I spent four hours last night watching them when I should have been dancing with an *extremely* attractive-in-his-tux Drummer at Mrs Daniel's Birthday Party. Officially. A. Geek. But it did make me think. Because I know a little about waves, I could see how they were going to affect the boat. I could tell the big bolshy Thames Clipper that kept accelerating and cutting across to cause as much wash as they could would rock the boat and I might want to hold on to something; the little tugs that pootled past caused nothing more than a gentle bob; the incoming tide merely a gentle up and down motion that, after many years of sailing with my parents and now with The Drummer and his parents, merely left me with a slight swaying sensation that was still present when I got home and went to bed.

As I watched the lights of London drift past, I got to thinking about how life comes in waves. Sometimes you see them coming, and can prepare by holding on. Sometimes the knowledge of how the wave is going to affect you can help you deal with them. Sometimes you just don't see them coming at all because you're too busy.

Last night's too busy ended up with an undignified stumble into The Drummers watchful arms. We might not all be so lucky all the time to have someone to catch us from the waves.

Love, etc.

xx

The best so far...

In many ways, the most horrendous. In the ways that matter, the best so far (compare here and here if you don't believe me!!)

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before? Got my pink driving licence of DREAMS. Got engaged.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for 2010? I wrote that I wanted to end 2009 "happy with who I am and content with myself" I'm not overly sure that I achieved that - I'm still definitely not my biggest fan, but I'm getting better. More of the same for 2010 I think.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Profound Admirer had her little baby boy, and The Drummer's work colleagues baby made us both horrendously broody. But all in good time.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Thankfully not.

5. What countries did you visit? Miss Africa & I started the first of many "Girls on Tour" city breaks with a return to Roma :D

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009? I genuinely can't think of anything!! I'm looking forward to having a husband and living full-time for real in Egham :)

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
17th January - getting together with The Drummer
23rd December - getting engaged to The Drummer

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Going back to work after TPS.

9. What was your biggest failure? Not being able to stay at the Job of Dreams once it got horrendous (although having recently discovered that they've since lost another technician, I don't feel quite as much of a failure)

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Swine Flu. And some stress.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Rediscovering leggings has drastically altered my wardrobe. And I have three different bags of dreams. Good times.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
The Drummer just because. He was my utter rock through everything this year, holding my hand as I learnt various lessons, and always being there. I love him.
My various mums & dads, particularly my second family Chez Holloway

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? Its sad that this answer has been the same for the last three years. Maybe 2010 is the year to finally let this one go. Friends are for seasons, and this one is over.

14. Where did most of your money go? South West Trains.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Angels & Demons, Harry Potter 6, Cattle Grid, seeing Bill Bailey at the O2, going back to Rome, moving back to Egham :)

16. What songs will always remind you of 2009? Dizzee Rascal "Dance Wiv Me" and Black Eyed Peas "Boom Boom Pow" for the gang, "Omen" by Prodigy and Lady Gaga's "PokerFace" reminding me of Rock Challenge, and Ben Harper "Beloved One" and Snow Patrol "Chasing Cars" for my man

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) Happier or sadder? Happier. Very very much so :)
b) Thinner or fatter? Much fatter, sadly. Wii Fit has been ordered - I have a wedding dress to slim down for!!
c) Richer or poorer? Richer, actually. Hello full-time job!!

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Again, I can safely say that I have no regrets about this year. That is good enough for me.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Its probably going to involve food/wine consumption. How sad!

20. How did you spend Christmas? Missing The Drummer horrendously, but very much enjoying sparkling my ring at anyone who cared (and a lot who didn't) and playing with my new laptop. I've certainly had worse ones!!

21. Did you fall in love in 2009? Totally and utterly head over heels.

22. What was your favourite TV program? Same old same old. Apprentice and Strictly. I am a creature of habit! I also introduced The Drummer to The West Wing, and we revived his Star Trek and X-Files collections.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No. If the happiness of my life inspires such vitriol and immaturity in other people's actions, then I should be feeling pity, not hate.

25. What was the best book you read? Does the entire Penny Vincenzi catalogue count? Or a revival of Patricia Cornwell? I'm not sure they count as "books" really...

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? The Count of Tuscany by Dream Theatre

27. What did you want and get? The man of my dreams, and a sparkly diamond ring

28. What did you want and not get? I genuinely can't think of anything! This worries me - clearly I'm not grown up to the point of realising that the things I wanted and didn't get are for my own good, and thus shouldn't be wished for again (yes, this concerns me!)

29. What was your favourite film of this year? Angels & Demons. Without doubt.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 22 and I got a job. Good times.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? A certain Boss of Doom falling under a bus. Preferably at my fair hand.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009? I have no idea. But The Drummer seems to like it.

33. What kept you sane? The Godfather. Every year its the same - I mess up, I tell him, he laughs, he makes it better. And my Drummer. I couldn't do it without him.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I'm still Anton's biggest fan, even if he is a bit of a div.

35. What political issue stirred you the most? I could care less about politics. I really could.

36. Who did you miss? Apart from the vomit-inducing obvious answer of "The Drummer" I think it would have to be Kristen (still) and Ria and Hen when they ran away to Spain.

37. Who was the best new person you met? It would be impossible to chose between Ed, Rob and my future in-laws.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009: that I'm a lot stronger and a lot more capable than I give myself credit for. Also that a lot of people in the world are out for themselves with no thought for others - I'm too trusting.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Your eyes shine through me
You are so divine to me
Your heart has a home in mine
We won't have to say a word
With a touch all shall be heard
When I search my heart it's you I find

Despite the job, despite everything that came after it, despite it being officially the worst few months I've ever lived through, I still consider this year to have been the best. I found my soul mate (or at least, he found me and I realised what I was almost missing) and now he wants me to be his wife. As reasons for being happy go, that's one of the best.

Love, etc.

xx

Never Say Never...

So when I was little, my mum told me that I should never say never to God, because He would see it as a challenge to make me grow. I seriously spent my childhood deliberately never saying anything like "I'll never be a missionary" and "I'll never live in Africa" just incase.

When the conversation came about one time about what I wanted in a boyfriend, without thinking, I came out with "I'd never date a guy with a beard" and the slightly more convoluted "I could never marry a guy with a double-barrelled surname" (since my IRL first name is also double barrelled) (like Sarah-Jane but not) I wasn't entirely negative though, as I also made sure everyone knew that he had to be able to wear a blue wool coat and look good in it.

Near enough a year to the day after that conversation, God gave me the best way I could ever think of for never saying never again...

Love, etc.

xxx

Random Acts of Kindness

"we make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give"

Winston Churchill

After deciding on my blog title, I googled "Random Acts of Kindness" Twenty minutes later I was still sitting watching the quotes scroll round on their home page. Possibly THE simplest idea ever created by a human being, I love the premise - perform one act of random kindness a day.

I've seen so many examples - the traditional things like paying for the person behind you at the drive through, or for someone else's dinner in the restaurant; little things, like post-it notes on mirrors or notes in someone's pigeon hole; bigger things, like the guy who not only helped us get our suitcases on the train in Rome but who went and got a luggage trolley and actively came and found us when we got to the airport, or like the person I saw the other day scraping their next door neighbours windscreen free of ice before driving off.

Random Acts of Kindness always makes me think of one lady at my church who's ministry really could be random acts of kindness. She is ALWAYS smiling, and always so glad to see her friends and check up on them and make them smile in turn. Even her Facebook life makes people smile - her profile picture is a dancing Little Miss Sunshine, and her presence on everyone's pages - commenting on things, sharing good times and celebrating achievements - cheers people immeasurably when they see it. Little things really do mean a lot.

"The wind is real, but you can't see the wind - you can only see the leave rustling in the trees.

Pain is real, but you can't see pain, you only see tears. Happiness is real, but you can't see

happiness. You can only see the smile on someone's face"

7th Heaven

For me, seeing that smile is enough.

Love, etc.

xx

The Lighthouse

This weekend just gone was another epic "first" of my life. After many trips to Weymouth, I'd never yet managed to see the lighthouse lit up after dark - we were always on the wrong side of the bay, or just plain in the wrong place. I've read Anne's House of Dreams; I've been to Montauk Point; I've been up Portland Bill each time I've visited The Drummer's parents, but in my twenty-three years, I've never seen a lighthouse lit up after dark.

After a little persuasion this weekend, The Drummer ventured out with me to the top of Portland Bill and we were greeted with the most amazing sight - in the pitch black, eight beams of light, rotating round and round, each one lighting up the hazards and shining far out to sea, warning the ships of the danger. The bill was so stormy that we couldn't even get out the car, but the sheer majesty of the lighthouse; the elegance of the beams of light; the safety is was bringing to the people out at sea - it was one of the most moving, humbling experiences I've ever had.

No matter how small or insignificant you're feeling, there's always something bigger than you out there to show you the way.

Love, etc.

xx

Castles In The Air

"Wouldn't it be fun if all the castles in the air which we make could come true, and

we could live in them?"

Jo, Little Women

When I was a little girl, if I was very poorly or very sad, I was allowed to curl up on the sofa under the blue and white stripey duvet and watch videos. If I was ill for longer than a day, I would watch Little Women (the first day of any illness being taken up with Narnia) (and we're talking BBC 1980s here, none of this new film malarky) and so it has always been well up there in my favourite stories of all time ever. Depending on the time of day/wind direction/color of their dresses, I would variously want to be each of the girls, but what never changed was my love of the idea of castles in the air. Everyone has castles in the air - we all have our dreams and wants and desires, and we all want them to come true.

When I was little, I used to agree with Jo, but now I'm not so sure. I've gone through times where I've thought I've known what I wanted and been impatient for my castle to become reality. Patience is not an overly well-developed virtue of mine, but sometimes, the castles are waiting or changing for good reasons.

I'm glad that a lot of my castles haven't come true. I'm even gladder that the special ones have.

Love, etc.

xx

Ever Mine, Ever Thine, Ever Ours

We all know that Disney films give girls unrealistic expectations about hair. And men. Whilst our hair has become an acceptedly un-winnable daily battle that will never go away, our expectations about men remain unachievably high (since they are, after all, only human)

Growing up on a diet of Disney princesses finding their prince sets the bar very high for the poor darlings that have to compete with Prince Charming on his white horse and in some way maintain that standard every day of a relationship's life. And its not just a case of competing with our childhood Disney Princes. Oh no. Right when a girl is at her most anxy and hormonal, along comes The Notebook. Love Actually. The Holiday. And all the rest of the chick flicks with perfect guys loving in perfect ways.

Now, be under no disillusion - the path to true love doesn't run smooth. We are SO aware of that. Big leaves Carrie at the alter, but we still all want a real life Big to woo us again with love letters and propose on his knees in the end. We all want a Miles to make us fetucchini and sing to us in Blockbuster. We all want to end up in the relationship where our Noah will tell us our story day after day when we're too old to remember.

And I've found it. I'm settled. I'm the luckiest girl alive to have The Drummer loving me and wanting me to be his. I don't need huge soppy displays of his love; I don't need adoring emails and txts; I don't need constant reminders of his love, because I *know* that he loves me. When it comes to it, he celebrates the good stuff, holds me until the bad stuff stops hurting, cries with me when I cry. I don't need anything more. If I'd put together all the best bits of all the films, I still couldn't have come up with a guy better that him, no matter how many times I watch Pride and Prejudice. He's my Darcy. My Big. My Prince Charming.

The love letters though...Big, that was a winner.

Love, etc.

xx

Skip to the end...

When I was little, I used to have an absolutely appalling habit of flicking straight to the back page of a book to see how it ends. I'm getting better at not doing that, although my gosh does it take a lot of self-control not to do that anymore!!

I was reading something the other day and went to flick to the end when the afternoon of my first date with The Drummer popped in to my mind - he'd just acquired Season 7 of Star Trek Voyager and I didn't want to work my way through the previous 6 seasons just to answer my childhood question of how they got home, so begged him to let us watch the last 2 eps. His look of horror as he asked whether I was "the sort of person who did that with books too" made me laugh (and also maybe fear a little for our long-term future**)

He had a point though - going straight to the end might give you the same result as working your way through, but with nowhere near as much knowledge and answers and reasons why. "Just because" is all very well when it comes to Star Trek questions, but I never want to only have "just because" as an answer to a question about my life because I was too busy skipping to the end to enjoy what I have

"Your life is like a book...don't jump to the end to see if its worth it. Just enjoy

life and make those pages filled with beautiful memories"

I have some spaces left. Come fill them with me.

Love, etc.

xx

** this fear disappeared as we were settling down in front of the finale and he asked me whether I'd read the last page of the book of "Us" and whether it was a good one *swoon*

p.s. Ten points for the first person to tell me where the title is a quote from...

Green Screening

Obsessed is a strong word, but apt, I feel, in relation to my love of Angels and Demons. Mostly because its set in Rome admittedly, but still. Watching it again this evening, I realised I'd never watched the Special Features. And now I kind of wish I hadn't. Theoretically, I knew that it wasn't really all shot on location - you're not allowed to talk in the Sistine Chapel, let alone take a whole film crew in there - but a little part of me had always stayed lost in the magic of the film. Until I saw the amount of green screen used. Obviously its a lot, but to me, a little of the magic, a little of the mystery went seeing how small the sets were - the St Peters set is mostly plywood. The Sistine Chapel ceiling...screen. The faithful crowds in St Peters Square...CGI.

Don't get me wrong - its still one of my all time favourite films, but I'll watch it in a different way now - the geek in me will be looking for CGI; for objects that are clearly filmed against a green screen; for continuity errors. That got me thinking - how often in life do we do that? How much of your life is a green screen? Reality projected against something blank. Truth, but not quite. Fooling people, but really deep down, knowing that they know that its not real.

A little of the magic has gone.

Love, etc.
xx

Culture Clash

Now, call me old-fashioned (and believe me, that has been known) but I'm about to get on my soapbox about the state of popular culture. Really. Me. Yes.

I have to admit that I'm normally one of the first to ignore the warnings of pastors and elders about the influences of the secular world on Christians, and its not really something I've ever had that much of a problem with. I drink alcohol, but not to excess, and feel no pressure from any part to do so. I listen to the radio and watch tv, and freely skip channels if I don't like what's on (whether for moral reasons or simply because its painful to listen to) I sometimes wear short skirts and heels like the rest of the population, and feel no shame in wearing them. Essentially, I make my own decisions for what I allow myself to be exposed to. Some people would say I'm too liberal; others would (and have) laugh at how strict I am about some things, but for me, I know I'm making the right choices.

Imagine then my shock (at myself!) when I found I was disgusted by Taylor "Love Story" Swift's new song, You Belong To Me. I'm a girl - we're all entranced by the idea that Romeo is going to kneel to the ground and pull out a ring and propose. That's a dream for princesses everywhere, and I have to admit, I've never felt a need to turn the radio off when the kids have been around, even the oler ones who are starting to pick up on songs they like and who wrote them. THAT is where has scared me - that the girls I look after could listen to Love Story and think how great it is and then want to hear more, and coming across songs that sing about how she thinks that the boy she likes shouldn't be with his girlfriend and lists the reasons (!) That is not a healthy thing to let girls think is acceptible and for the first time, I can see why parents are often so guarded about what they let their children see/hear/have until they are old enough to know what is good and what isn't. And strangely, it lasts.

"You'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable,
authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the
ugly; things to praise, not things to curse"
Phillippians 4v8 (The Message)

Love, etc.
xx

Words

23.57, 31st December 2008. A text message that changed my world. And then a day of absolute silence that almost destroyed his while I panicked about starting a SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP. Said silence and panic led to an FB status of "[Beautiful Intellectual] has a lot to think about" which prompted another txt along the lines of "whatever you're thinking about, you know where I am if you need me" And I fell in love.

A few days later, I was telling the most important person in my life (outside immediate family) about it, starting the conversation with the phrase "[The Drummer] is going to ask me out, and I'm going to say yes" which normally would have had her bouncing around the room squealing if it had been any other of her friends, let alone me. I was met with her opinion that it was a mistake and he wasn't who God had lined up for me; a brick wall rather than the shared excitement I was expecting.

Its taken this long, almost ten months, to get over that. To get over that hurt. To get over the loss of my best friend. To get over the rejection of my boyfriend. Recently, I've spent a lot of time realising I'm preparing to do all the big stuff of my life without her beside me, and I'm honestly not sure how that leaves me feeling.

"It’s amazing, some people, they just say these small little things, one sentence and it

changes the way you feel about them in an instant. Small little words that can hurt you

so much or make you fall deeply in love forever. It changes everything, nothing between
you is ever really the same again, even if they don't know it"

Just be careful what you do with your words.

Love, etc.
xx

Smells like home

On the train this morning I had the strongest deja vu I've had in a very long time. I was sitting listening to my music watching the world go by when I realised I was suddenly feeling really safe and comfortable and couldn't work out why. It took me a while to realise that I recognised the aftershave of the guy who had just sat down behind me, and slightly longer again to realise it wasn't the same one The Drummer wears. It took about another 5 minutes pondering, scooting through my mind all the different guys I knew and hugged regularly (that sounds worse than it is...) and couldn't for the life of me work out where I knew it from. It wasn't until Black And Gold came on my MP3 much later on that I realised it was the same aftershave the Landlord of Dreams (who, with his wife, housed me for free for a term before Christmas last year where I had nowhere to live and no money for rent) Their home became mine, and that smell became home because of the welcome and love and acceptance I had there.

Smells are strangely evocative things - fresh grass equalling the summer, even if its still only March. The precious talc-y baby smell left on your clothes after cuddling the kids. The smell of The Drummer's parents house meaning total relaxation and peace. Smells always mean something; they always come with memories.

Home has many smells these days - The Drummer's aftershave, my parents house when I get home after being away, St Johns when you're the first one in on a Saturday. Each and every one has its memory; each one is home to me.

Love, etc.
xx

Relationships

"Good relationships balance over time. This means that at any particular point in time,
the relationship may appear quite unbalanced: One partner may be more nurturing;
one may be more needy; one may be providing all the financial support, etc. But if both
partners are loving, understanding, giving, dedicated and flexible, then the relationship
can handle all kinds of ups and downs, and still be strong, exciting and, yes, romantic.
The best relationships are well balanced. Not a delicate balance; not a static
balance- but a dynamic ever-changing balance"
Gregory Godek

I found this quote earlier this evening and realised it summed up everything I've been trying to show myself recently - everything will balance over time. Yes, right now, it feels like my relationship with The Drummer is unfair on him - I'm needy right now & he's a rock, I'm broke right now and he has a steady job etc, but its true that our relationship is going to emerge from this, probably even stronger than before. I love the fact that although they're nearly always in the same place with the same people around and a lot of the same stuff to do, every weekend we spend together is different; every weekend highlights a new experience for us as a couple; every weekend brings us closer together.

Balance is necessary - a relationship doesn't succeed without equality. I'm not his Spare Rib for nothing.

Love, etc.
xx

Pointless or, Pity Party for One?

Do you ever look at your life and wonder why on earth you are where you are? Do you ever just sit back and think "what on earth am I actually here for?" I am aware at this point that it sounds like I could do with a good dose of The Purpose Driven Life, but I did that last time I was terminally unemployed, and given that that was only such a short time ago, I'm not convinced its been long enough to make a difference again. Today is most definitely *not* a Pollyanna day.

The only thing stopping this pity party for one is the knowledge in the back of my mind that, however pointless I feel that there must be a purpose for me somewhere. Right now, I can't see it. I have no idea why my patience is being tested in so many different ways. I have no idea what I'm meant to be learning. I have no idea why things are being given with one hand and taken away with the next leaving me splitting my life between 2 counties, not fitting in in either, with no money to speak of to my name.

I have no answers. And to be honest, I'm surprised I found this many words.

Love, etc.
xx

p.s. I may have been overstating when I said the pity party was being held at bay. Clearly it is not.
xx

Grace, or That's Called Growing Up Kiddo

I am not by nature the world's most gracious person. Actually, let me rephrase that. I'm an incredibly gracious person unless I feel threatened, then I get all loud and proud and kinda forget the "by their works you shall know them" bit, and the whole "whatever is true...noble (&) right" thing and just get a bit, well, nasty.

I've made reference to The Drummer's Ex before I think, but BOY has that become a situation recently where I need to be gracious. The Drummer calls it "gracious in victory" but over the last couple of days, I think just "gracious" would do. I have in my life something a lot of girls would kill (or at least seriously maim) for - a dependable, solid guy who utterly adores me and goes out of his way to protect and look after me. And he's mine. And he's not going anywhere. So why do I let myself turn into such a diva when she calls him (or floats onto our radar in any small way) Why do I act like a brat and make a difficult situation worse? Why can I not just look at my life and realise I have more than enough to share a little grace with others?

Its all well and good being gracious when life is easy, but that's not entirely the point of grace. Having a tantrum is easy. Being gracious is not. Realising what I have, both on earth and in my God, made me realise in turn that I should have no option.

Being gracious isn't a choice, it should be the norm. But MAN is that hard.

Love, etc.
xx

Readjustment

Its funny how things turn out. I thought my summer was going to be like this, but it ended up being about totally different things to what I had expected...

It wasn't just my brother's wedding. It was the day I got a sister...

Lots of technical geekery with The Godfather that wasn't just technical geekery but some special times of healing and wisdom (but ok, there was lots of playing with new toys too!)

Whilst I was totally expecting to love my holiday in Weymouth, it never occurred to me how much I'd love becoming part of a new family...

A return trip to the city that stole my heart became the first of many "City Breaks For The Girls," a fact which I'm VERY excited about!

There was a whole lot of hanging out with the gang...


and from a source I never thought I'd here it from again, I was reminded that

Readjustments. Sometimes they're not all bad.

Love, etc.
xx