Little Things

Yes, life is often about the big all singing-all dancing stuff, but sometimes, its the little things that make you smile.

My current favorites from the last few days...

• having forgotten, being reminded how Profound Admirer has THE most comfortable sofa in the world
  
• major excitement over new tech toys in the shape of Jim The Drummer's new Kit
  
• how much hot chocolate and late-night bonding with the Landlords of Dreams can make me feel at home
• how exciting impulsive plans are, particularly if they involve Monkey's burgers
  
• also being reminded how truly adorable Profound Admirer's little one is now she's in PJs with a little duvet all of her own instead of her grow bag
• that stopping to actually TALK to Mr Skins can bring a whole new perspective on it all

Nothing earth-shattering. But all pretty special to me in their own way. Today's gem of advice - don't overlook it. Just smile and enjoy.

Love, etc
xx

The Way I Was Made

Hitch. SUCH a good movie. I absolutely love it, but there's something about watching a movie in church that makes you see it in a totally different way. Normally, I'm full on soppy "AWWWW" when Alexa is telling Hitch that she loves all Albert's quirky habits, because they make her feel more normal, but last night, all I could think about was why we feel the need to pretend to be something we're not or to impress others. At the end of the day, even he learns that there aren't any basic principles to successful dating (though that said, some things just really aren't cool for ANY girl in ANY situation...) And he's right...there are no basic principles to attraction, other than being yourself (Funny how often cliches are actually true...)

Easier said than done huh?? Easy to prattle on about loving yourself and highlighting your best qualities to others, but what about those days when you look at yourself and can't see them?? Or the times you look at yourself and just can't stand what you see?? What then?? Sadly, there isn't any quick fix. There are plenty of real life Hitch's waiting for you to call them so they can train you to be successful, but how much of "you" would be left if that happened? And what can help on the days when you're not feeling it?? Doesn't work for everyone, but for me, Mr Tomlin once again provides the answer...

I want to live like there's no tomorrow
I want to dance like no one's around
I want to sing like nobody's listening
Before I lay my body down
I want to give like I have plenty
I want to love like I'm not afraid
I want to be the man I was meant to be
I want to be the way I was made

Believing that I exist in God's image is a constant struggle...believing that he wants me exactly the way I am is hard - there are far too many other people for me to compare every aspect of myself to and come up short, but what Hitch said was right - there are no basic principles. The honest answer is to work with what you've got...you might not like your smile, but you'll never know how much difference it can make to someone's day. And wanting to be happy with the way you are has got to be a step in the right direction. After all, if Albert can pull Alexa, there's hope for all of us, right??

Love, etc.
xx

Falling. Or Just Landing On Your Feet?

Have had the idea for this post floating around my head for a while but hadn't found my hook, despite having the most beautiful quote from one of my favourite books. The Art of Falling is your typical story of self-discovery, happening to fall in love with typically stunning (often Italian) man along the way, but instead of the usual "lalala wouldn't it be nice if a stunning (Italian) man fell in my lap" thoughts**, this time the thing I took away from it was the idea that

"what some of us are most afraid of is letting ourselves be seen in our true colors,"

which is totally and utterly true. How often do we honestly answer the question "how are you?" How often do we let people in to look after us?? How often do we really admit the truth of our feelings?? And what is it stopping us?? Pride?? A wish to not impose our problems on other people?? Worries about rejection and judgement?? Or just fear that once someone has broken through the facade, we won't be able to hide anymore?? The thing that gets me is where do we get that fear from?? I'm slowly discovering that when people care about you, "I'm fine" is hurtful to them...they want to love you and care for you, and you're pushing them away with platitudes. Surely with the people who love you, you don't NEED to hide?? The facade doesn't need to exist, let alone be broken through.

Its scary, *really* scary letting someone through the facade...being used to coping alone (or perhaps, "coping" alone) can become habit forming; the smile can become too permanent; you can begin to believe that everything really is ok. But sooner or later, it breaks, so you might as well be honest now to make sure there's someone to catch you when you finally learn how to fall.

Love, etc.
xx

**Don't get me wrong...it would be totally fine if a stunning man fell in my lap. Italian or otherwise...

Hope. And an Arrivals lounge.

What does hope mean to you?? Does it mean something that you'd quite like to happen but don't really believe that it will?? Something you have more faith in, but are still not quite sure about, but can't let go of?? Or is it your eager anticipation of a future happening? Your anticipation of a future certainty - something you *know* is going to happen and can trust in?

The concept of "hope" is so comforting, but how often do we let ourselves hope in things that are just vague and woolley?? Things that we can't let go of, but cling on to, just incase. Why do we find it so easy to cling on to these things, but manage to forget that

"For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory"

And the arrivals lounge?? Just think for a second about arrivals at Heathrow (Love Actually stylee) Think of all the people standing there waiting for their loved one to arrive...each time the doors open, the anticipation, and someone's joy at seeing the person coming through. I've heard plenty in my time about being a Princess and a daughter of the King of Kings (all very valid, I hasten to add) but nothing has ever touched me as much as the concept of Heaven as an Arrivals hall, and that joy being for us, each one of us, when we get home.

When we have that hope, why do we doubt?? Why do we let the earthly crap get in the way of us fixing our eyes on that welcome and living our lives for that point??

So yeah. Hope. And an Arrivals lounge. Its been a deep day.

Love, etc
xx

**N.B. In an unusual departure from the norm, I want to dedicate this post to the preacher from whom I shamelessly have pilfered these ideas. And his lovely wife with whom he makes such a terrifyingly strong team for the Kingdom**

Pride and prejudices

One of the saddest things I've ever experienced in a church was watching my old church split itself very unhappily in two over an issue so inconsequential in the grand scheme of things that it was just heartbreaking to watch. Lifelong relationships were broken and I'm sure people were lost as a result of it and all for what?? For the church to then split again just a few years later, leaving three fractured groups where there used to be one huge vibrant congregation.

Arriving from the midst of that to St Johns to discover that there were already two congregations and plans for a third was confusing, to say the least, but after going to each of the services & becoming more involved in the church, I realised that whilst there were different groups of people who met at different times on a Sunday, "St Johns" was one very solid church that simply catered for a variety of tastes and styles. I've heard the Anglican church criticised as being all things to all people (often from the pulpit of my old church) but compared to Trinity, St Johns is doing a whole lot better at modeling the biblical principle of church. In ALL ways.

One the best things I've discovered about being part of a large, vibrant, varied congregation is how you can constantly be learning from people - their views on something, their interpretation of a certain passage or situation because of their experiences, their life experiences - if we all kept to ourselves in our happy little worship bubbles, there's a very real possibility that we would become insular, too set in our ways, too rigid, and unwelcoming to change. By keeping in touch with the other congregations, we can learn from each other...we're not fighting to keep everyone happy with one service and everyone can peacefully co-exist as individuals making up a big unit.

Now, don't get me wrong...I know the 9.15 congregation really don't like our tech kit being all over the dais, and I'll be the first to admit that the choir drive me insane when they move said kit and complain about it right when I'm trying to work. The 11am mix is too loud for some; the choir are too traditional for others, but when it comes down to it, I guess I'm proud of my church for truly embodying the concept that

The way God designed our bodies is a model for understanding our lives together
as a church: every part dependent on every other part,
the parts we mention and the parts we don't, the parts we see and the parts we don't.
If one part hurts, every other part is involved in the hurt, and in the healing.
If one part flourishes, every other part enters into the exuberance (1 Corinthians 25-26)

Love, etc.
xx

p.s. Yes, I worry about how Anglican I appear to have become too...I claim redemption through my use of The Message...

Sharing the love...

So I got tagged. And I'm still unemployed and have nothing better to do with my time...

A. Attached or Single? Single. But I'm working on it.

B. Best Friend? There are a special few (who really should know who they are) that keep me sane.

C. Cake or pie? Ooooh, quite tough actually...I would say pie (either Mumma's chicken or Banoffee of dreams) but then there's all stuff like Brownies. And Brownies. And Brownies. And Liz's chocolate cake. Both then, is what I'm really trying to say!

D. Day of choice? Hectic as they are, Sundays. But any day I get hugs is a good day.

E. Essential item? My phone. I'm not sure I function correctly without it. And that's not something I'm willing to test!!

F. Favorite color? Purple. Mostly. Also black for its slimming properties when it comes to clothing.

G. Gummy bears or worms? Either or.

H. Hometown? Petersfield

I. Favorite indulgence? Very close tie between wedges, cheese and beans and Jacks fish and chips (I can't say wine because that makes me sound like an alky...)

J. January or July? Ummmm. January I guess. I love winter. But only if its sunny...not a fan of the whole rain thing (hence not chosing July...)

K. Kids? Not yet.

L. Life isn’t complete without? Music, a Sound Desk, hugs and my Bible.

M. Marriage date? I have no idea, but during the summer sometime.

N. Number of brothers and sisters? for my sins, a big ugly brother.

O. Oranges or Apples? Apples. Oranges just ming.

P. Phobias? Spiders and frogs (fairly standard) death and being alone (kinda wierd)

Q. Quotes? This could take some time...

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Corinthians 12v9

"Those who stand for nothing fall for anything" Alexander Hamilton

Josh Lyman: All I'm saying is, if you were in an accident, I wouldn't stop to get a beer.
Donna Moss: If you were in an accident, I wouldn't stop for red lights.

"Sometimes I lay awake at night and ask myself "Where did I go wrong?" Then a voice says to me "This is going to take more than one night." Charlie Brown

"I have spread my dreams under your feet...tread softly, because you tread on my dreams" Yeats

R. Reasons to smile? My friends & the kids. Hugs. And a certain person's grin.

S. Season of choice? I guess sort of October-y time (with no rain) There are leaves to be kicked through and jumpers to be snuggled in to.

T. Tag 5 people: Blue Eyes, Ariel, Bella Farfella, Bean and Girl Guess we'll see how often they read my bloglet...

U. Unknown fact about me? There are plenty which are unknown. And that way they shall stay. Guess I could share my inside leg measurement (33") or the fact that I still sleep with a teddy-bear every night I'm at home.

V. Vegetable? Contrary to popular belief, I do eat vegtables. Now and again.

W. Worst habit? I flip out over the smallest things in an entirely unnecessary way. But I'm lovely. Really.

X. X-ray or Ultrasound? Well, neither by choice, but having never had an Ultrasound, I guess X-Ray. They don't hurt at least.

Y. Your favorite food? Roast. Or Chinese food. Or Fish & Chips. Or Mumma's Chicken pie. There is no way I could ever pick just one.

Z. Zodiac sign? Pisces but I don't actually believe in them.

And that, my friends, has filled 20 valuable job-hunting minutes. What joy!

Love, etc.
xx

What would yours say??

I completely and utterly blame Blue Eyes for this latest obsession, but its not all bad. When you start reading the things people are writing on their postcards, it does make you stop and think.











Why do we keep these things a secret? Fear of judgment? Because we're too worried about people's reactions to them?? Or simply because sometimes its hard enough being honest with yourself let alone the world around you.

Maybe sometimes we just need a little encouragement to realise that



and start to be able to speak honestly at last.

Love, etc.
xx

For once, I have nothing to say...

Wait by R. Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly,longingly, I cried.
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, He replied.
I pleaded, and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, "Child you must wait."

"Wait? You Say Wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why.
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future, and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me, 'wait'?
I'm needing a 'yes,' a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no,' to which I can resign.

"And Lord, you have promised that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking: I need a reply!"

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."
So I slumped in my chair; defeated and taut
And grumbled to God; "So I'm waiting, for what?"

He seemed then to kneel and His eyes met with mine
And He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, darken the sun,
Raise the dead, cause the mountains to run.

"All you see I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust, just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me,
When darkness and silence was all you could see.

"You would never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of My comfort late in the night;
The faith that I give when you walk without sight;
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"And you never would know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that 'My grace is sufficient for thee.'
Yes, your dreams for that loved one o'ernight could come true,
But the loss! if you lost what I'm doing in you.

"So be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft' my My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all... is still... wait."

**edit**

Time for an update to the Things I have learnt methinks...

- some people talk an awful lot without actually saying anything
- "Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great” Mark Twain
- often the best advice comes from the most unexpected places
- just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you the best way they can
- retail therapy is extremely good for the soul
- sometimes, nothing can help apart from your mum's cooking (but for everything else, wine and chocolate do the trick...)
- "there's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you" Nelson Mandela
- never make someone a priority when to them you are merely an option

That'll do. For now.
Love, etc.
xx

We could all learn a thing or two from Harry Potter...

Or Dumbledore, at least, when he tells Harry that

"Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times when one only remembers to turn on the light"

Now, I'm not going off on another "every cloud has a silvery lining" blog. I promise. More or less. I've just realised in the past few days how important it is to keep perspective on what's going on around you.

I hate the fact that I'm not in Egham full time at the moment, but the time away is showing me how important some of my friendships are. In some of the most unexpected places, I'm finding reassurance of myself, security in my friendships and ultimately, contentment in who I am. It still surprises me when my friendship means the same to someone as their friendship means to me, or when someone has missed me as much as I miss them. My friends are what keep me smiling when I can't be there - I've found myself so extraordinarily blessed in my three years in Egham, and if all I learn whilst I'm away is to count my blessings more often, then that's lesson enough for me. Light on, if you will (bit of a flickery bulb at the minute though...)

On the flipside, there's also a lot of stuff about being back in Petersfield that I've been missing because I've been so dead set against being here. I haven't been to see Lee, or Sue & Maggie, all of whom are maybe 5 minutes walk away from me, and all of whom I haven't seen properly for the best part of a year. Some of my favourite times over the summer were the days where I got to have lunch and a proper chat with my Godfather, but I haven't taken advantage of the fact we're both still in the same county. This is the last time for pretty much ever that I'll have the chance to do whatever I like with so much free time...I think its about time I switched on this particular light.

Love, etc.
xx

Pleasant Distractions and pebbles on a beach

“Memory: a child walking along a seashore. You never can tell what small pebble it will pick up and store away among its treasured things.” Pierce Harris

Do you ever get the thing every now and again where you find something...a picture, letter or a certain smell...that sends your mind off on a little nostalgic tour of happiness?? I'm not talking pictures of exes that provoke huge "what might have been" tradges, or looking back at pictures from that great summer only to find the present day unfavourable in comparison ,but just those little things that make you smile as you remember.

Some things are special, and I know exactly where to find them to make me smile...my train ticket from March 13th when I worked at the Royal Albert Hall that is still in my wallet even now, the picture of the kids I keep next to my computer screen, old txt msgs at the bottom of my inbox that just fill me with smiles each time I re-read them...but some things are just random and can spring on you completely unaware...the smell of my after-sun lotion reminding me of that week in the first year where I was too burnt to wear anything other than my halter-neck bikini and top and Emma had to rub my shoulders with lotion 4 times a day...old channel plans from our big rigs reminding me of celery jokes and humongously confusing coffee orders (poor trainee Barista!)... old MSN conversations from during my finals where Superman had me in fits of giggles while we talked at cross-purposes about fire hydrants and lassoing small children or where Profound Admirer sent me Dawsons Creek quotes at each defining point of my recent life...each one a pleasant distraction full of memories of good times.

I guess the trick is to be able to let go of the rubbish - I don't particularly remember the pain of the sunburn, just the great hilarity amongst my friends that I was the same color as my ball gown for the Summer Ball that year...I don't dwell on the tiredness or the long hours or bruises acquired from the rigging, just the incredibly fun times we had doing it. I'm not saying I'm great at letting go, far from it, but as I spend more time on the pleasant distractions, I find the bad stuff melts away to prove that memory is a way of holding on to the things that you love, the things you are and the things you never want to lose. Everything else can be chucked away.

Love, etc.
xx

Profundity

"...when you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it."

Winnie the Pooh was deep. Go figure.

Love, etc.
xx

Inspiration

Clearly tonight is a night of blogging inspiration. Or, more accurately, inspiration about what gives us inspiration...as it were.

Tonight, for example, I was watching You've Got Mail, a film I've seen about twenty times before (soppy romantic that I am) but was struck at least two lines that prompted the (increasingly regular) thought "oooh, that'd make a good blog entry" Sad, I know.

The first was when Meg Ryan was asked if she had anyone special in her life and she answered, "no, just...the dream of someone," referring to her mystery online man, and it made me wonder - do we make life harder for ourselves by idealising everything. She certainly had someone, an almost tangible relationship, but she missed it unfolding in real life for quite some time (at least an hour and a half) because she was too busy dreaming about her mysterious ideal.

The second was more straight-forward, but also deeper. Tom Hanks is ripping it out of the Joni Mitchell song, Both Sides Now. Now, I also have no idea what the lines "Its cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all" mean either, it just made me wonder how often we just look at our friends in passing...seeing them every day and them being there. Not really stopping to wonder from the look of them what will happen next until it becomes really obvious.

So yes. That's my thoughts for the day...daydreams and friendship like a weather forecast. Maybe I should watch less films.

Love, etc.
xx

Learning the hard way

"You can't always get what you want"

A classic line by the Rolling Stones that just makes me think of House arguing with Cuddy. I don't remember what they're squabbling about, but in answer to him saying he wants something only to be told that you don't always get what you want, he sasses back to her

"but if you try, sometimes you might find you get what you need."

This is so very true. True but so often forgotten. How often do we decide that we want something then get unhappy when it doesn't happen?? How many times do we decide that something is meant to be and then get hurt when it doesn't work out?? And how many time does that need to happen before we'll remember??

Blue Eyes summed this up for me last night, albeit unknowingly, by reminding me that just because someone doesn't love you way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you the best they can. Or in other words, it might take a while, but eventually you realise that most of the time, things do really work out for the best.

Love, etc.
x

One day at a time...

Everyone has their Oz - somewhere where they land, often unexpectedly, where they find their feet and finally feel at home. For some people, its a scenario - a situation where they flourish, becoming truly themselves at the opportunity; for others, its a place where they're able to come alive and establish themselves an identity, emerging from the shadows of others to become an individual.

When I arrived in Egham, nothing was further from my mind than the fact that this was going to be the place where I could be me. Not John & Gill's daughter like I was at home, not Ben's little sister like I was for my entire school life, but me. But three years later, I've forged an identity for myself; I've become my own person. I didn't expect this, I couldn't have predicted it to this extent, and I didn't look for it to happen, but it has, and I'm me. In my Oz.

It does make me wonder though...if I *had* looked for it, expected it, would it still have happened?? If I'd tried to make it happen, would I be genuinely me, genuinely what I was meant to become, or just something that I thought I should be? If I had spent too much time thinking and not just grabbing the opportunities, would I be the same? I think not. I'm not saying be thoughtless; after all, some of things that have shaped me the most have been learnt as a consequence of my slightly heedless nature, but on the flip side, thinking too much can just hold you back and mean that you miss what could potentially be one of best experiences of your life.

I have no idea what my future holds. There are too many unanswered questions at the moment for me to be sure what's going to happen. But that's not going to ruin the now

One day at a time--this is enough.

Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come.

Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering

Love, etc.
xx

p.s. Still waiting for my Wizard though...he's still hiding behind his emerald curtain
x

Thought for the day...

No matter how big and how snuggly, a cuddle from the duvet is not the same as the real thing.

Love, etc.
xx

I am who I am because of...

I had half an ear on the tv this evening while I was on the phone and heard the tagline for, I think, Orange - "I am who I am because of everyone" - and it got me thinking.

...I am the sum of my relationships, the people I meet, the experiences I share...

Simple really. But oh so very complicated - does that mean that we let those around us define us?? Or that we can carve an identity out for ourselves shaped by our experiences?? Or somewhere between the two??

Sadly, I think its more often the first. "I am who I am because of everyone" becomes a negative statement - I am who I am because of the labels people put on me. Or worse, the labels we *perceive* have been put on us. Why is the default setting so often to believe the very worst about ourselves?? Why do we let it happen??

It is true that experiences can shape you, sometimes very strongly...that when you look back, you can see the people who have helped and those who have hindered. The lessons learnt that you should carry with you, but also all the stuff that should be left in the past. The people we come in contact with shape us, of course, but there is a difference between learning from and reacting to people and situations, and letting them define us. Yes, we are the sum of our relationships, the people we meet and the experiences we share. But not defined by any one single thing - not by one failed relationship, or by being the mother of three, or by being one of the gang. We are defined by a combination of factors that come together to make our unique us-ness.

So no, I am not who I am because of who you have made me, but because of how I choose to to be. Because of what I choose to believe about myself. Because of how *I* choose.


Love, etc.
xx

Things I'll never say?

I was reminded today of the Avril Lavigne song Things I'll Never Say, and thought how sad it was. Like, real sad, not tradge sad.

What use is it to you
What’s on my mind
If ain’t coming out
We’re not going anywhere
So why can’t I just tell you that I care

When did it become ok to not tell people that you loved them? When did society become so much more concerned about "being British" and not showing emotion than looking after each other? And why do we think that that's an ok way to live?

She's not that deep, but she's got it about right when she points out that

...I’m wishing my life away
With these things I’ll never say...

and it just makes me wonder...how hard is it to be honest? To tell someone that you appreciate them, that you value their friendship, that you miss them. It goes without saying that people's friends and those that they love really are much more important to them than keeping a stiff upper lip. It just doesn't always come out that way.

Love, etc.
xx

Coffee & Chat (part 2)

Discussed at great length...do words or actions mean more?? Words can be utter throwaway comments, whereas actions require some thought and active participation. I haven't felt as loved in a long time as I did on Monday when I discovered that someone had gone out of their way to come to church specifically to say goodbye to me - that action meant a lot more than a phone call would have done. Not that the phone call wouldn't have been appreciated, but the action went the extra mile.

That does not, however, belittle the effect that words can have, both positive and negative. Words are so simple and yet, can have such a great effect. It's worth taking just a second to think how long-lasting the effects of your words are going to be...how much damage you might cause, or how easily you could build someone up and make them smile.

"Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark"

Or, in other words, the little things mean a lot.

Love, etc.
x

P.S. Again, not technically coffee, since it was celebratory Champagne and chat, but the wisdom still stands.

Roots and Wings

So this Thursday, I have to move out of The House of Dreams, at which point two very sad things will happen

1. Egham will no longer be the place I call home
2. Smelly boys will move in and 161 Larksfield will become, in true Prince-eqsue fasion, (The House Formally Known As) The House of Dreams

Now, boys living in our beautiful house is traumatic enough, but when that is coupled with the fact I have to leave Egham, I'm very surprised I haven't (quite) turned in to an emotional wreck. If you'd asked me three years ago what my plans were for my life, I'd've told you that I was going to hate university, go home every weekend because I was so homesick and that at the end of it I'd go home, get a PGCE and teach at my old school. Now the bright lights of London town beckon me, and I am counting the days until I can come back home.

And before you ask, my parents (probably not reading but you never know...) would be incredibly proud to read that. They packed me off to uni not entirely sure I'd make it through Freshers Week, let alone three years, and yet, just three years later, I've come to consider this small, sleepy, (let's be honest) slightly dead-end town my home. They gave me very strong, very deep roots during my years in Petersfield that gave me the strength of character (and slightly unrealised resources within myself) to up and leave and come to uni.

After three years, I've got some very deep roots of my own in Egham, nurtured by parents both real and surrogate. And I know that in another twelve/eighteen months, I'll be spreading my wings and flying off again (hopefully literally). I'm fully aware that I'm not going to be here forever. But for now, its not the end; I will be back. I'm not done with Egham just yet.

Love, etc.
x