Face Value

My Beautiful Blonde once pointed out to me the sheer number of insignificant moments that a friendship is made up of. The tiny things like being met at the station when its dark & rainy so you're not walking home alone, or sitting on the floor eating Ben & Jerries straight out the tub and swapping when you're bored of your own flavou, or buying a petrol station treat when you fill your car up because you know how much it will make someone smile. These are such tiny events in the grand scheme of things, but they don't half mean a lot.

The thing that got me though, was the realisation of how some of the seemingly most insignificant, passing relationships of my life have become some of the most important. On paper, Sound Man was just a friend of a friend who trained me for a grand total of about 12 hours, but in practice, he's one of the most patient people I've ever met who always takes my dumbnass questions seriously and has continued to teach me everything he possibly can even when we're on opposite sides of the world (well, Munich to Egham anyway...) I'm pretty sure its not just because of my brownies - he is a major player in my life & a major source of job and tech advice. Not bad for a friend of a friend and 12 hours training. Same goes for The Godfather. How my Physics teacher became my spiritual mentor I couldn't begin to tell you (small lie...I could, but it would take all day) but again, if I'd taken it at face value, I'd've learnt my Physics and left again. And missed out on one of the people who have been the most influential in my life so far, spiritual and otherwise. And that's a worrying thought.

My point other than a love in of Sound Man and The Godfather?? Don't take every relationship at its face value. Make each one special. Invest in them, and let yourself be surprised at where they go.

Love, etc.
xx

Simplicity

"Thankyou God for Starlight (my new fish) and for birthday parties. Please stop Daddy from getting studded on Saturday. Sorry for shouting at Jake. Amen"

Sometimes we could all do with praying with a 5 year old just to remind us of the simplicity of our faith that we make so hard for ourselves

Love, etc.

xx

Coffee & Chat (part 3)

"You're not the person I thought you were"

I used to think that was the most hurtful thing someone could say to me until it was pointed out that actually, we regularly build people up to be something they're not, and then blame them when reality bites.

I'm as guilty of this as the next person, and could tell you at very great, very raw & painful length how it happens, but that's not my point. Don't try to make them something they're not; don't try to make them what you want them to be & get hurt when it doesn't work out. Take someone as they are, and love them for that.

Love, etc
xx

p.s I can't even remember what the miscellaneous beverage was this time. Still wasn't coffee though
xx

Sin and George Orwell

It can never be a good thing when I read a book that satirises communist Russia and find a startlingly large number of comparisons with the church within it. I'll leave you to go and find it and read it and realise what I mean in the most part, but the one thing that struck me the most was when the animals change

all animals are equal

to

all animals are equal but some are more equal than others

Its funny when its about animals on a farm, and mildly amusing when its sending up the communist regime, but suddenly, it stops being funny when you realise that's how we treat sin. All sins are equal, but we make some of them more equal than others. This became uncomfortably real to me earlier this year when I was being teased about having had FAR too much to drink on New Years Eve and tried to excuse it by saying that it only happened a couple of times a year. When someone (who shall remain nameless) (mostly because I can't think of an amusing blog pseudonym for him) asked me whether "it would be ok for him to leave his wife at home and go out and sleep around 'a couple of times a year'" I realised how true that phrase is...all sins are equal, we just make some of them less bad for ourselves because that makes us feel more comfortable.

Its so easy to judge someone for what we perceive to be their sin without realising that in that moment we to are putting ourselves wrong with God - we're not called to judge people, we're called to love them. Jesus never said "by the way you throw the bible at them, they shall know me" and I totally believe that that is not what God wants. I don't think I'm ever going to be called for account for chosing to love someone rather than judge them, whatever they're doing with their lives. And anyway, there's a lot to be said for taking the plank out of your own eye first.

I'll get off my soapbox now.

Love, etc.
xx

To all the non-believers...

The Saffa is forever ripping it out of me for blogging...he tells me that its for self-absorbed self-interested people who think that everyone else cares what they think. Now, I love my pretty pink blog to bits, so normally I just beat him and be done with it, but it does occasionally make me wonder why I blog - am I just a self-absorbed self-interested person who thinks that everyone else cares what I think??

Be that as it may (although I'd argue that its not...) Dawson Trotman finally solved this issue for me by pointing out (through Rick Warren) that

"thoughts disentangle themselves when they pass through your fingertips"

and its true - often it can be so helpful getting your thoughts out of your head and rearranging them so they form some semblance of sense to someone looking in...it stops my head exploding at least!!

So yes, to the non-believers, that is why we blog. That, and we do quite like the sound of our own thoughts...

Love, etc.
xx

Forgiveness

Now, being an English student, I tend to over-analyse words. That's what we do. Find every ounce of meaning we possibly can in a phrase until there's none left, then claim there never was any in the first place. Its bad when I do that when I'm trying to read for fun; its worse when I do it in church. Even worse, perhaps, when I stand looking at the screen, reciting the line "forgive us our sins as we forgive others," and thinking about how everyone reads that and feels all warm and fuzzy inside because they know God is going to forgive them for what they've done wrong during the week. Awesome. But wrong.

Not wrong in the sense that God won't forgive us, because He definitely always does. Its just the words we're using and the meaning we're choosing to take from them. Or should that be the meaning we chose to project on to them. We think we're asking God to fully forgive us our sins in the knowledge of the biblical model that says He always will, but actually, what would we do if one day He took us literally and forgave us like we forgive others? Half forgiveness here, bit of lingering bitterness there. The words of forgiveness with one breath and then gossip to whomever is around with the next? Too bitter and twisted or hurt too deeply to really forgive , instead allowing the relationship to fracture and disintegrate?

How often do we read those words, realise what we're actually saying and adjust OUR forgiveness, adjust how WE are forgiving people and deal with that before we come to God and ask it of Him?? Who are we to judge ourselves and our level of forgiveness to others (for want of a better phrase) and still think that it is in any way comparable to God's utterly total and complete forgiveness of us?

Love, etc.
xx

10 Ways To Tell I'm A Real Adult Now

1) I have a tax code

2) I get up, wash, dress, make lunch and leave the house all before 9am

3) I eat salad out a tupperware and drink Diet Coke for lunch

4) The phrases "touch base" "heads up" and "let me check my diary and get back to you" creep out of the office and in to everyday life

5) The payments IN to my bank account very nearly cover the payments OUT

6) I wear a suit most days of the week & as such, ironing shirts is a now a valid week-night activity

7) I don't go on Facebook between the hours of 0830 and 1830

8) I have a lunchbreak where my personal phone goes crazy for an hour

9) 1730 is my favourite time of the day

10) I have a daily commute

...so may be it will stop feeling like I'm pretending soon!!

Love, etc
xx