Monday, February 19, 2007

Catching up, Confusion and 2 Corinthians 12v9

So, after having not blogged in, lets be honest, forever, I thought it was about time I forayed back into the blogosphere. However, six months of no blog means there's a lot to blog about, so sit back, make yourselves comfortable and enjoy.

Last term was crazybusy, hence, I argue in my defence, the lack of blog-age. If I had the time to sit still and do nothing, I slept. Learnt a lot though. Learnt enough about people and Christian politics to last me a lifetime, and I don't doubt that it will. Learnt that I can't do this all on my own, learnt to ask for help, learnt to rely on God more than I ever had before. Obviously, there were bad times, lots of them if I'm honest, but they've kind of faded against all the good stuff. I know how blessed I am to have St Johns, and every time I think I've got enough people/care/love/support for one time, someone else pops up to look after me. I started this presidency with a Prayer Support email with 4 people on it. I'm finishing it with one with about 12 names on it, all of whom have been so amazing with the amount of support and prayer and love they've shown me over the year. For a while, my biggest worry about handing over CT was that this support would stop, but then I realised I was being a bit daft (in fact, very stupid), so I stopped thinking that and I'm over it now :)

The idea of handing CT over is, if I'm honest, very very sad, but I know that I need to step back and let someone else take over. I'm being called in a different direction now than I was this time last year, and I need to follow that now rather than hold onto the Presidency for old times sake...doesn't mean its gonna be easy, but there are so many opportunities opening to me that tie in so well with the end of my term as President that I'm not gonna have *too* much time sitting around doing nothing (i.e. working on my degree!! lol)

Which, I guess, brings me on to the confusion. Life is very confusing at the moment...having to make decisions about potential life after uni so I can get the relevant experience this summer or whether I just want to teach or what. The only constant that I'm not budging on is the fact that I'm not leaving St Johns when I graduate, but that isn't helping me so much with working out what I want to do for a job to fund living in this area...

What also isn't helping is that I've spent the vast proportion of this week in a permanent state of "Aaaaaaaaaaaah, dunno what to do" about, well, other things, but I think, at this time, the pertinent thing to do would be to keep quiet and wait for things to come out in the wash. As it were. Patience is not a virtue I have been overly blessed with but as they say, if something is worth having...

My other main issue at the moment is time. I recently got told that if I was too busy to spend time with God, I was too busy. Well, yes. That's a given. But its not always that easy. I know if our faith was meant to be easy, we'd never learn and grow, but come on, would a break now and again be too much to ask for?? Hopefully things are going to calm down soon, but right now, life is going far too fast for me to enjoy much of it - where this term is rapidly disappearing to I have *no* idea, but I know I fully intend to make the most of the time I have left - I'm halfway through my degree, and I don't want to miss the rest of it!!!

So we've done catching up, we've done confusion. That just leaves us with 2 Corinthians 12v9

"my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness"

which was given to me by a very wise, very trusted friend. Nothing has helped me more since then than that verse. Any of you who have me on your MSNs will know how much I love that verse, and those of you who talk to me about God stuff (and a few of you who don't) will know how much I rely on it. When things have seemed their bleakest, seeing that verse has made me realise that, if that is true, nothing can be that bad. And it is true - I've learnt the most in the times I found hardest as President, and the best things (the people I've come to know and love etc) have often also come out of those hardest times. If there's one thing I want to pass on when I hand over this Presidency, it's that.

My parting thought is a brief summary of all the other things that I've been thinking about a lot (too much??) recently...

"A woman's heart must be so close to God that a man must seek Him to find her"

Says it all really.

1 comment:

Nao xx said...

Aww cute blog sweetie. Missed you while I was away. :)
You've done a presidential job worthy of Jeb Bartlet and don't you forget it! :P