Profound Admirer

I discovered today, by having a real conversation, in the real world, that my bloglet has a Profound Admirer...now if only *I* could have one...
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To Everything There Is A Season...

Today was the first time in thirteen years that I wasn't at Open Day. Twice before Ben started, twice with Ben before I started, seven (!) times of my own, and then two more since leaving to see what was going on and what I was missing. Clearly I am a glutton for punishment! Not being there today was quite sad in a way, but also an indicator of my progression from scared kid leaving school to (reluctant) responsible adult going out in to the world. Time is a strange thing...when I was faced with the prospect of leaving the school I had loved, I always said I'd chain myself to the gates and they'd never get rid of me. But when it came to it, the gates had been painted blue, and it wasn't quite the same; it wasn't quite my Churcher's College, and leaving wasn't quite so hard. My season there had come to its natural end, and there were new things for me to explore.

I do find it strange then that today of all days I found myself back at my original hall of residence with a friend. Being back at Kingswood was very strange...seeing my old window looking down on the courtyard and the tree we broke on our third night there (that is still broken)...the smell of the corridors that is still the same as it ever was...the familiarity of swinging down the steps in C Block...I found myself thinking that I could go back tomorrow and it wouldn't be weird; I could go back tomorrow and love it just as much as I ever did, and in many ways, I'd give anything to be starting again in September. But same as when I left school, things have changed; its not my Kingswood anymore - my time at uni is also at its natural end.

I was watching a friend listen to The Byrds song "Turn! Turn! Turn!" the other day, but it didn't strike me until today that there really has been a season for everything in my life, and not just that, but a time for every purpose, under heaven. And at each stage, no matter how painful the idea of leaving was, what came next was so much better than I could have planned or imagined...so I'm going with the likelihood that, given just a little bit more patience, that is going to happen again.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to
harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future" Jeremiah 29v11

The greatest glory lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall

I didn't actually intend to blog today; I was just perusing my blog and trying to work out who Blue Eyes was (clearly I've now worked it out!) when I realised the truth of something I claimed to have learnt...

Lets be honest here - the degree result did not go to plan. Those few of you who saw me on Thursday can testify to that...not good times in the land of the lulus. After some genuinely allowed upsetness and a little more Drama Queen-ness, seeing the giraffes at London Zoo and a lovely day in the sun today, I am officially over it. And myself. So it didn't go to plan...so what. There's very little I'd change about my time at uni, and if I did change even the smallest thing, I wouldn't be who I am today. I've learnt more about myself than I could ever have learnt about English literature, and at the end of the day, I'd say that was more important really. A degree is just one piece of paper; the last three years couldn't be summed up on a ream of the stuff.

So pick myself up, move on As someone very wise once said, the greatest glory lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. And that's made all the easier if you have so many special people to catch you

Love etc.
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But how *do* they do it?!

I observed *the* cutest conversation at Embankment today...

Small child: Mummy, is the Circle Line called the Circle Line because its a big circle??
Mother: Yes. Well done! That was really good remembering

*she goes back to looking through her handbag having finished the conversation*

*pause*

Small child: Mummy?
Mother: Yes?
Small child: You know how at home the train comes out over the ground and you can see it and Daddy told me that's how they get the trains in to the tunnels??
Mother: Yes... *clearly wondering where this is going*
Small child: So how do they get the trains into the Circle Line?

Does it say something about me that I often wonder the same thing??
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Things I have learnt...

Its not just English I've been learning for the last three years....

- Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life
- A friend is one who strengthens you with prayers, blesses you with love and encourages you with hugs
- Missing someone isn't about how long its been since you've seen them, or the amount of time since you've talked...its about that very moment when you're doing something and you wish they were right there with you
- Always wear sunscreen
- Sometimes its ok not to be ok
- A hug says everything words can't
- "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness"
- Cinderella is living proof that a pair of shoes can change your life
- Those who stand for nothing fall for anything
- The greatest glory lies not in falling, but in rising every time we fall
- A girl worth kissing is not easily kissed
- Eventually one of two things will happen...you'll realise he's not worth it, or he'll realise you are
- Don't tell God how big your storm is. Tell the storm how big your God is
- Every new beginning comes from the end of some other beginning's ending
- Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them
- Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord

**N.B. There are very few original thoughts there...even the idea of the blog was borrowed from Life Lessons but when was the last time you learnt something that someone else hadn't already thought of??**

Prayer and Pooh Sticks

My dad has what I believe they call "eclectic" taste in music. Said eclecticism meant that I was subjected to Garth Brooks all the way to Cheltenham (which, from Petersfield, is an awful lot of Garth Brooks!!) However, one song did grab my attention which ran something along the lines of thanking God that the singer hadn't got what he'd prayed for at the time because he'd ultimately got something so much better

I guess the Lord knows what he's doin' after all
And as she walked away and I looked at my wife
And then and there I thankedd the good Lord
For the gifts in my life

In his case, it was a girlfriend and subsquent wife, but how many times do we think that we know so well what is best for us and demand it of God?? Hmm, ponder.

And just incase I hadn't quite got God's point for the day, at Hannah's christening, He had a little nudge as well. Whilst I was busy cooing over how sweet the priest was with the other little kids
asking them all sorts of questions about water and washing and cleaning etc, he started talking about different places water can be found, and somehow managed to get on to describing our lives as Christians like a game of pooh sticks. Now, don't for one second imagine that he used the term pooh sticks; he merely described us as being like sticks drifting down stream towards an ultimate goal but coming up against obstacles and blockages on the way. But you can see how I got pooh sticks out of it!

We all have an idea of what we want and how we're going to get it, but how much do we trust God that He really does know best and wait on His timing. And that means *really* wait and trust in Him, not trust in Him on our terms and in our timing...it means really believing that strength will rise as we wait on God, not just laughing at how catchy the bass riff is. He's not going to give up on us, no matter how much we set our own timings and then fail utterly.

So, with all that in mind, God, can I have a job now??
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Blog of dreams

I am very excited about my new blog of dreams.

Or at least. I will be excited, jumping off the walls, laughing hysterically and feeling very loved when I discover that my blog has been (lovingly) hacked and redesigned for me.

Perhaps this will inspire me to blog more often...

Much love from the anonymous hacker,
xx

**EDIT** I am indeed very excited. And can't imagine who my anonymous hacker is ;) But much love just the same
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Guidance

You'd think, with me being an English graduate, this would have occurred to me before, but as someone a little older and a LOT wiser than my humble(ish) self pointed out this evening, you can only guide something that is already moving.
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You're here to be fed, not to get eaten...

Another classic from Ms Thomas there. But with a serious point...too many of us do too much to just sit and be. We're too busy giving to stop and take. I realised this recently when I realised how much I'd enjoyed just sitting and being in a service and found the truth behind Andy's words so long ago "if you haven't got it, you can't give it away"

Or, as my new favourite song says,

I will say of the Lord He is my refuge
I will say of the Lord He is my strength
I will say of the Lord He is my shelter, my hiding place
I will come to the source all creation
I will drink from the well that never dries
I will draw from the one who won’t grow tired
The Lord of all

We can't do it in our own strength, but God has promised that we can do it in His
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Forgiveness

Its all well and good asking for forgiveness, but how often do we accept it once we have it?
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Thought of the day...

Missing someone isn't about how long its been since you've seen them, or the amount of time since you've talked...its about that very moment when you're doing something and you wish they were right there with you
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The Woodpecker might have to go...

Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah's Ark:

One Don't miss the boat.

Two Remember that we are all in the same boat.

Three Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.

Four Stay fit When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.

Five Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.

Six Build your future on high ground.

Seven For safety's sake, travel in pairs.

Eight Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.

Nine When you're stressed, float a while.

Ten Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.

Eleven No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting...

Hugs are like boomerangs...

A hug is just a hug, right?? Wrong. I was reminded last night how simple it is to give someone a hug, but just how much it can mean.

Some soppy goon wrote somewhere that hugs were invented to let people know you love them without having to use words. Have to say...that's totally true: a hug says everything words can't.

And how much damage can hugging do really?? Remember...a hug is like a boomerang; you get it back right away
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This is what happens after 3 hours of Philosophy...

So. Plato. Its not often I'm inspired to blog after a lecture. And even more rare for me to have a) done the work and b) agreed with the lecturer. So today is a day of firsts.

The concept is fairly simple...there is TRUTH. Then there is life, which is an imitation of TRUTH (and art, which is an imitation of an imitation...I like this sort of thinking!) But anyway. Truth. And imitations thereof.

Are our lives not just an imitation of TRUTH?? What we strive for, how we try to live, and what we want to achieve...all just "imitations" of the life we aim at...the ultimate TRUTH?

In this life, we will never measure up to or achieve this, but it can't hurt to keep trying. Right? After all, "His truth shall be your shield" (Psalm 91v4)

Or maybe I'm thinking too much
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Birds and Chimney Sweeps

So no prizes for guessing what I did with my afternoon!! Its amazing what insight you get on life from Mary Poppins...I don't think Disney films are meant to prompt blog-age but there we are. That's what the combination of a lack of sleep and my warped brain does for you!!

Without wanting to get all philosophical and deep, coz a) its late and b) that's always just a tad dangerous. 2008 is going to be a strange year, and I know that if I'm not careful, some of the bits that should be special are going to get swept away with deadlines and dates and finding a real job. There are lots of lasts coming up in the next few months, and instead of missing them because I'm too busy looking forward, I'm determined to take time to enjoy them...they're all "last" things for a reason after all!! I might be missing something, but the "lasts" that I'm aware of aren't overly upsetting...they seem to fit in to the grand scheme of things being right for seasons and all that jazz.

So my philosophy for 2008...spend some time up with the stars looking down.

In the words of Bert...There's the whole world at your feet. And who gets to see it but the birds, the stars and the chimney sweeps.
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So that was 2007...

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before? Took communion for the first time...went to Spring Harvest...sang in church...went on the London Eye...

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for 2008? Er, no, and no. Well, actually, I might. I might make myself work really hard and get my First. I might read all the books for just one of my courses. I might have a 100% attendance for a lecture series. But then again...I might not.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yep!! Mrs Warren-Heys had little Emily, our CT baby, and Mr & Mrs Burns had their little one in July :)

4. Did anyone close to you die? Thankfully not this year.

5. What countries did you visit? Um, Skegness?? Nothing exciting this year...I took root in Egham instead.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? Ah who knows. To be brave enough to stand on my own two feet would be nice...would give Richard & Gings a break at the very least!!

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? my birthday, which was as close to perfect as its ever been...Spring Harvest, which was just amazing (Cooked Breakfasts will never be the same again)...Ashburnum, which was a turning point for me in so many ways...the FLOODZONE, which caused me THE most stress I've ever felt, but was so amazing that it more than made up for it...the Royal Albert Hall with Matt & Hodge, which was totally awe-inspiring and helped me make up my mind about getting a real job

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Flying solo on the Sound Desk

9. What was your biggest failure? Getting flu and ruining my attempt at 100% attendance of my lectures (N.B. It was a pretty good year as they go, clearly!!)

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? No major dramas

11. What was the best thing you bought? Its blatantly going to involve some sort of clothing or shoes...

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration? Anyone who's come in to contact with me for managing to put up with me and the dramas that seem to surround me?? lol. But seriously, assorted surrogate parents who deserve BIG medals for not giving up on me, RJ for being generally fantastic and keeping me (more or less) in line, Mr Hoe for being the best Godfather a girl could have, and Little B for just being my Little B. Oh, and Namy for not killing me at a number of different points throughout the year :)

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? Er, lets not. Not helpful.

14. Where did most of your money go? Clothes. And shoes. And clothes and shoes. And Cafe Neros.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? LOL where to start?? Erm, in no particular order, my birthday, Sound Desk Training (yes Richard, also the first time my name appeared on the Sound Rota), Strictly Come Dancing (because I'm actually totally tradge), going on the London Eye...there's blatantly other things; I'm sure the usual people will feel the need to add to this list.

16. What songs will always remind you of 2007? "Go Peaceful" coz of Ashburnum, anything by MIKA, but mostly Grace Kelly coz of the Alpha Bus of Fun, the Fratellis from my extended road trip down the M4 with Ria.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) Happier or sadder? Happier :)
b) Thinner or fatter? Thinner :) I never sit still for long enough to put any fat on these days!!
c) Richer or poorer? Significantly poorer. But the babysitting money always comes in useful!!

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Uni Work, as ever. But even so, I still figure life is too short!

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Panicking and stressing...I'm sure there are others that feel that too!!!

20. How did you spend Christmas? Trying not to kill my brother at my parent's house.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007? No, not really. There's still time though...

22. How many one-night stands? I can safely say none at all.

23. What was your favourite TV program? Need you ask? Really?? Saturday nights in our house will never be the same again (a fact I fear Hannah will be rather glad of...)

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? The worst thing you can feel is indifference...hate means you still care.

25. What was the best book you read? Harry Potter 7, no question.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? Mika. And The Fratellis.

27. What did you want and get? Again, it probably involved clothes and shoes. And Nigella Express and Casino Royale on DVD.

28. What did you want and not get? A MacBookPro.

29. What was your favourite film of this year? Atonement. No question.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Had a party chez ours, all dressed in red, and I was 20.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Various people dropping off the face of the earth?? No?? OK then, a first would have been nice!!

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Generally fantastic.

33. What kept you sane? Jacks Fish & Chips. I kid you not...when all is going wrong, they could be relied on, 100%.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Tough call between Matthew Cutler and Daniel Craig. Both eminently attainable I would say...

35. What political issue stirred you the most? the fact that The West Wing isn't real

36. Who did you miss? Keren. Like CRAZY.

37. Who was the best new person you met? Without doubt, my Spring Harvest girls (I know that's more than one, but I can't leave one of them out, that would be mean!!)

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007: that I actually can stand on my own two feet. I surprise even myself at times.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

"Simply to the cross I cling
Letting go of all earthly things
Clinging to the cross
Mercy’s found a way for me
Hope is here as I am free
Jesus You are all I need
Clinging to the cross"

You know you belong when you are missed...

So, the other night at First Priority Marcus came out with this epic line you know you belong when you are missed. It reminded me of what one of my mates had been saying only a little while previously, and I sent it on to said person and reduced them to tears.

I've spent the vast majority of this week having that phrase running round my head, and having exactly the same reaction Jude did...I think its fair to say...I totally and utterly belong in Egham and you guys have just proved it to me over and over again
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Laughter...

Its amazing what you learn when you actually listen in a seminar...apparently by laughing, we're avoiding revolution. Or something. I wasn't listening that carefully, I just like the quote he gave us at the end:

"laughter could never become an instrument to oppress the people. It always remained a free weapon in their hand"

So, Live. Laugh. Love. Can't hurt, right?
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Hmm...

We Ask Ourselves, Who Am I To Be Brilliant,
Gorgeous, Talented And Fabulous
Actually, Who Are You Not To Be
You Are A Child Of God
Your Playing Small Doesn’t Serve The World.
There Is Nothing Enlightened About Shrinking
So That Other People
Won’t Feel Insecure Around You.

We Were Born To Make Manifest
The Glory Of God That Is Within Us.
It’s Not Just In Some Of Us; It’s In Everyone.
And When We Let Our Own Light Shine,
We Unconsciously Give Other People
Permission To Do The Same.
As We Are Liberated From Our Own Fear,
Our Presence Automatically Liberates Others.

I'm not his biggest fan, but on this one, Nelson Mandela had it just about right
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Ponderings....

What I realised today...

the truth of the phrase "a friend is one who strengthens you with prayers, blesses you with love and encourages you with hope"

and also that a hug says everything that words can't.

xx