Inspiration

Clearly tonight is a night of blogging inspiration. Or, more accurately, inspiration about what gives us inspiration...as it were.

Tonight, for example, I was watching You've Got Mail, a film I've seen about twenty times before (soppy romantic that I am) but was struck at least two lines that prompted the (increasingly regular) thought "oooh, that'd make a good blog entry" Sad, I know.

The first was when Meg Ryan was asked if she had anyone special in her life and she answered, "no, just...the dream of someone," referring to her mystery online man, and it made me wonder - do we make life harder for ourselves by idealising everything. She certainly had someone, an almost tangible relationship, but she missed it unfolding in real life for quite some time (at least an hour and a half) because she was too busy dreaming about her mysterious ideal.

The second was more straight-forward, but also deeper. Tom Hanks is ripping it out of the Joni Mitchell song, Both Sides Now. Now, I also have no idea what the lines "Its cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all" mean either, it just made me wonder how often we just look at our friends in passing...seeing them every day and them being there. Not really stopping to wonder from the look of them what will happen next until it becomes really obvious.

So yes. That's my thoughts for the day...daydreams and friendship like a weather forecast. Maybe I should watch less films.

Love, etc.
xx

Learning the hard way

"You can't always get what you want"

A classic line by the Rolling Stones that just makes me think of House arguing with Cuddy. I don't remember what they're squabbling about, but in answer to him saying he wants something only to be told that you don't always get what you want, he sasses back to her

"but if you try, sometimes you might find you get what you need."

This is so very true. True but so often forgotten. How often do we decide that we want something then get unhappy when it doesn't happen?? How many times do we decide that something is meant to be and then get hurt when it doesn't work out?? And how many time does that need to happen before we'll remember??

Blue Eyes summed this up for me last night, albeit unknowingly, by reminding me that just because someone doesn't love you way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you the best they can. Or in other words, it might take a while, but eventually you realise that most of the time, things do really work out for the best.

Love, etc.
x

One day at a time...

Everyone has their Oz - somewhere where they land, often unexpectedly, where they find their feet and finally feel at home. For some people, its a scenario - a situation where they flourish, becoming truly themselves at the opportunity; for others, its a place where they're able to come alive and establish themselves an identity, emerging from the shadows of others to become an individual.

When I arrived in Egham, nothing was further from my mind than the fact that this was going to be the place where I could be me. Not John & Gill's daughter like I was at home, not Ben's little sister like I was for my entire school life, but me. But three years later, I've forged an identity for myself; I've become my own person. I didn't expect this, I couldn't have predicted it to this extent, and I didn't look for it to happen, but it has, and I'm me. In my Oz.

It does make me wonder though...if I *had* looked for it, expected it, would it still have happened?? If I'd tried to make it happen, would I be genuinely me, genuinely what I was meant to become, or just something that I thought I should be? If I had spent too much time thinking and not just grabbing the opportunities, would I be the same? I think not. I'm not saying be thoughtless; after all, some of things that have shaped me the most have been learnt as a consequence of my slightly heedless nature, but on the flip side, thinking too much can just hold you back and mean that you miss what could potentially be one of best experiences of your life.

I have no idea what my future holds. There are too many unanswered questions at the moment for me to be sure what's going to happen. But that's not going to ruin the now

One day at a time--this is enough.

Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come.

Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering

Love, etc.
xx

p.s. Still waiting for my Wizard though...he's still hiding behind his emerald curtain
x

Thought for the day...

No matter how big and how snuggly, a cuddle from the duvet is not the same as the real thing.

Love, etc.
xx

I am who I am because of...

I had half an ear on the tv this evening while I was on the phone and heard the tagline for, I think, Orange - "I am who I am because of everyone" - and it got me thinking.

...I am the sum of my relationships, the people I meet, the experiences I share...

Simple really. But oh so very complicated - does that mean that we let those around us define us?? Or that we can carve an identity out for ourselves shaped by our experiences?? Or somewhere between the two??

Sadly, I think its more often the first. "I am who I am because of everyone" becomes a negative statement - I am who I am because of the labels people put on me. Or worse, the labels we *perceive* have been put on us. Why is the default setting so often to believe the very worst about ourselves?? Why do we let it happen??

It is true that experiences can shape you, sometimes very strongly...that when you look back, you can see the people who have helped and those who have hindered. The lessons learnt that you should carry with you, but also all the stuff that should be left in the past. The people we come in contact with shape us, of course, but there is a difference between learning from and reacting to people and situations, and letting them define us. Yes, we are the sum of our relationships, the people we meet and the experiences we share. But not defined by any one single thing - not by one failed relationship, or by being the mother of three, or by being one of the gang. We are defined by a combination of factors that come together to make our unique us-ness.

So no, I am not who I am because of who you have made me, but because of how I choose to to be. Because of what I choose to believe about myself. Because of how *I* choose.


Love, etc.
xx

Things I'll never say?

I was reminded today of the Avril Lavigne song Things I'll Never Say, and thought how sad it was. Like, real sad, not tradge sad.

What use is it to you
What’s on my mind
If ain’t coming out
We’re not going anywhere
So why can’t I just tell you that I care

When did it become ok to not tell people that you loved them? When did society become so much more concerned about "being British" and not showing emotion than looking after each other? And why do we think that that's an ok way to live?

She's not that deep, but she's got it about right when she points out that

...I’m wishing my life away
With these things I’ll never say...

and it just makes me wonder...how hard is it to be honest? To tell someone that you appreciate them, that you value their friendship, that you miss them. It goes without saying that people's friends and those that they love really are much more important to them than keeping a stiff upper lip. It just doesn't always come out that way.

Love, etc.
xx