Thursday, June 14, 2007

Why do people let me near a blog when I'm in this kind of mood??

So. That was my second year. I got my pass/fails this afternoon, which means that my second year is officially over. It feels...weird. It doesn't feel like its the end of term tomorrow, but then it hasn't felt like term time since lectures finished in March, so that's hardly surprising. In a way, term a bit of an anti-climax. So much has happened this year that for term to just finish is really odd. Having said that, any of you who have been around me in the past week or so will have heard the comment "term ends on Friday...what have we done this year?" so many times that you quite possibly want to gag me. More than usual I mean.

But genuinely...what have I done this year?? Its gone so quickly...feels like just a few months ago that Johnny & Sacha got married, but it's their wedding anniversary on Sunday; it doesn't feel like a year since we did The Big Top, but now we're full in the throes of planning The Flood Zone (N.B. I feel it is pertinent to point out that this time last year, being the worship Co-ordinator for the Holiday Club was one of the last things on EARTH I would have seen myself doing but, you know, things change...) it doesn't feel like a year since I moved out of Kingswood, but it feels like we've lived in this house forever.

In a way, everything has changed, but in some ways, very little has. I still don't do enough work for my degree, I still procrastinate like a flippin' pro (actually, come to think of it, that *has* changed this year...I've got better at it...) I still have fantastic losses of perspective on life, my friends, my work & just about everything else. But I know for myself that I'm a lot more confident than I was this time last year, I'm a lot stronger than I was this time last year and I sleep a lot more than I did last year (both at night and during the day, just to clarify. Although, probably more daytime nap-age than more proper sleep if I'm honest...)

What else?? Friendships are different...some have come, some gone & some changed beyond recognition. I finally learnt the true meaning of the phrase "friends are for seasons". I always hated it because it meant that some of my friendships would lessen/end at the end of their time. What my special *special* Laura-logic brain didn't then follow it up with was that friendships will also BEGIN in a season when they are needed, when the time is right. I still don't like the idea that my friendships will change, because I rely on my friends so much & they are such a huge part of who I am, but I can also see how some friends are always going to be there, no matter what might happen between us, they ain't going nowhere.

I learnt a lot about people this year. I learnt that not everyone sees the world in the same face-value way that I do (some would say naive...I prefer trusting...) (neither one avoids the pain & heartache that comes with discovering you're wrong though...) I've had enough of Christian politics to last me a lifetime (so yes, of course, I've just been co-opted on to the PCC at church...) and I've realised how slow I am to actually LEARN things and remember them...and we're not talking uni stuff. Case in point...I'm having a hysterical moment to someone on MSN, and they go "so this verse has just come to mind that might help you" then quote 2 Corinthians 12v9 at me. I sit on MSN day in day out with that reference staring me in the face, but do I ever actually stop and believe it?? Maybe I should try it sometime. My next stop and think more. Much more. Thinking about others, thinking about myself. Just thinking.

I only realised a couple of weeks ago how much people appreciate the little txts, the Facebook messages, the random crap sent to them to make them smile - I only realised it when people did it for me when I needed it. Until you're get one, you don't realise how much your little action has meant. Its so un-hard to drop someone a txt to let them know you're thinking of them, but only when it happens to you when you need it most do you realise *just* how much that simple act can help someone. People are strange *strange* creatures...we'll never fully understand anyone apart from ourselves. If we ever truly understand ourselves. Which in some cases (especially mine) is a highly doubtful occurrence.

Speaking of doubtful occurrences...things I never thought would happen this year - happily handing over my Presidency, spending so much time in Egham & so little time at home, leading groups at Spring Harvest (Strength will rise as we WAIT upon the Lord), getting so many books out the library and *actually* reading them for my essays, surviving what was, at times, the year from hell. But fully enjoying what has also been the best so far.

How else to sum up this year??
Another year older
A little bit stronger
A little bit wiser than a year ago today

Kinda says it all really. But HA! why write in 3 lines what I could write in *counts* *gives up* a lot more??

And like I said...WHY do people let me near my blog when I'm in this kind of mood??

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