And so it ends. Again. But this time it really is over...

I thought, since this is my last night in Kingswood, I should do myself the honour of staying up until the early hours procrastinating on the internet. Am actually trying very hard not to get emotional as I'm writing this, because I never believed that I could get so attached to a place I didn't even want to come to. If someone had said to me the night before I left home last September that I didn't have to go, then I wouldn't have. And I'd never have met the people I now consider my best friends. I certainly didn't believe that I'd reach the end of the year and not want it to end. I want to go home, I miss home a lot, but I want to stay. I don't want people to leave, I don't want things to change.

A life without Snance, Lani and Jo seems like a very odd life, but this time last year, we'd never even met each other. I've met so many amazing people this year...Kingswood people, St John's people, random people who have become very good friends. This is what uni is all about...finding out who you are as a person and deciding what you want to become. I couldn't have done that this year without *all* you guys...but there are some that really deserve a special mention, some obvious, some less so!!!

Snance - ties for most obvious person to thank this year. So I'm not gonna hang around and get mushy :) I'm just gonna say THANKYOU!!!! I love you lots and lots and lots and then some more. I'd better see lots of you over the summer...clear out your diary after September 11th for a couple of days...if you don't know why, you don't deserve my friendship anymore *cough* apples & peanut butter *cough*

Lani - also another candidate for most obvious thanks. Awesome Cell leader, awesome friend. Just awesome really. I also love you muchly and will see you soooooooooooooooon my Roman holiday girly :D :D Or perhaps sooner (nudge nudge, wink wink)

Jo B - seriously, the best big sister a girl could have. I don't care whether she's actually my sister or not, she just rocks. I still haven't quite worked out what I'm going to do without her next year...get back to me on that one.

The Tisdall - another AWESOME cell leader, despite what he claims to the contrary. I don't care that he's had his own issues this year...they just meant he could understand mine so much better, and he knew what to say (And when I say I don't care he's had issues, that isn't quite what I meant!!) Plan A dude. You rock, and somewhere deep inside, you know that!!

Tim - another legend of this year. So so many times you've picked up the pieces and put them back together to form some sort of resmblance of me. At times, dunno what I would have done if you hadn't been there. Anytime you fancy a pint, the next one is on me. Its the least I can do, and it nowhere near symbolises how greatful I am to you for everything you've done this year. But its a start.

Becca - Mummy Becca who looked after me on my first night when all I wanted to do was go home. And who's continued to look after me since. Next year will SUCK without you and Hannah living 2 mins walk away from me...but I *will* still see you, and NO-ONE will stop that!! lol. Nuff said there I think!!! Love you mumma *hugs*

John - some may say an odd choice to thank, but I really want to say thanks for an amazing year. Things might have gone wrong now, but for a long time, you were one of my best friends, and I really value the times you were there for me. There were points last term where you kept me going, and elections night was one of the best nights I've had at uni so far. Take care dude, and maybe sometime we'll be able to work out our friendship. I hope so, but I'm not gonna force it.

Who else?? Hannah for all those Deal Or Not Deal sessions and just for generally being Hannah, Na for those late night MSNs and for being the most amazing housemate-in-training (as it were), my Committee who keep telling me I'm doing good, even when I continue not to believe them, Kathy for talking sense into me, and Claire for picking up the pieces after Kathy's tough love approach, my Name Twin, Rob, Jo, Sarah, Emma and all my other B block babes, my St Johns Cru, Ben K, Paula and Susie

So many special people, so many special memories. I actually can't express in words how I feel about this year. I've changed so much, mostly for the better. I've learnt SO much about myself, other people and the world in general. I've loved and had my heart broken; I've learnt to become more cautious about who I let in, but also learnt not to keep everyone out.

You grieve you learn

You choke you learn

You laugh you learn

You choose you learn

You pray you learn

You ask you learn

You live you learn

Things I have learnt in the past few days...

Once again dear readers...I return to the blogosphere for some pointless nonsense when I should be doing something more useful, like writing a UCCF email or emailing Jeff&Tim...ah well!!! This is much more fun!!!! And provides entertainment for many a reader, whereas my emails can only entertain (or otherwise) one person at a time...so I see blogging as my utilitarian duty of the day. Shall I get on with it now?? Yes?? OK.

There are, quite simply, two sets of lyrics that have taught me well in the past fews days...one with a serious point, one with a BLINDINGLY obvious point...

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth;
Oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked…
You’re not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you.
Sing
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss
Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own...
Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you.
Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen…

And the other one...


You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh
That's right I took your words
And I believed In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh
That's right

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them up
Cause they're all wrong I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no
No no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I'd give anything

When someone said count your blessings now
For they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Yeah yeah
I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew
My darling
My darling
Who knew
My darling
I miss you
My darling
Who knew
Who knew

But which one, dear readers, is which?? I leave you with that quandry as I return to my ever present emails...

I got a nice Teddy Bear out of it...

I have, dear readers, reached a decision. The hideous complication is over. No more am I to be hideous or confused about it (there's something wrong with that statement... *thinks* lol.) *ahem* anyway.

My previous blogs I Deserve So Much Better and Music Is My Memory have shown me leading up to this...and finally dear readers...I am here :) Maybe not every hour of every day, but my overwhelming mood is one of WHATEVER!!! (with optional hand gesture...) (No Paula, not *that* sort of hand gesture...I meant the W one...)

In rather a philosophical mood about it all really, and I got a *really* nice teddy bear out of it!!!