And so it ends. Again. But this time it really is over...

I thought, since this is my last night in Kingswood, I should do myself the honour of staying up until the early hours procrastinating on the internet. Am actually trying very hard not to get emotional as I'm writing this, because I never believed that I could get so attached to a place I didn't even want to come to. If someone had said to me the night before I left home last September that I didn't have to go, then I wouldn't have. And I'd never have met the people I now consider my best friends. I certainly didn't believe that I'd reach the end of the year and not want it to end. I want to go home, I miss home a lot, but I want to stay. I don't want people to leave, I don't want things to change.

A life without Snance, Lani and Jo seems like a very odd life, but this time last year, we'd never even met each other. I've met so many amazing people this year...Kingswood people, St John's people, random people who have become very good friends. This is what uni is all about...finding out who you are as a person and deciding what you want to become. I couldn't have done that this year without *all* you guys...but there are some that really deserve a special mention, some obvious, some less so!!!

Snance - ties for most obvious person to thank this year. So I'm not gonna hang around and get mushy :) I'm just gonna say THANKYOU!!!! I love you lots and lots and lots and then some more. I'd better see lots of you over the summer...clear out your diary after September 11th for a couple of days...if you don't know why, you don't deserve my friendship anymore *cough* apples & peanut butter *cough*

Lani - also another candidate for most obvious thanks. Awesome Cell leader, awesome friend. Just awesome really. I also love you muchly and will see you soooooooooooooooon my Roman holiday girly :D :D Or perhaps sooner (nudge nudge, wink wink)

Jo B - seriously, the best big sister a girl could have. I don't care whether she's actually my sister or not, she just rocks. I still haven't quite worked out what I'm going to do without her next year...get back to me on that one.

The Tisdall - another AWESOME cell leader, despite what he claims to the contrary. I don't care that he's had his own issues this year...they just meant he could understand mine so much better, and he knew what to say (And when I say I don't care he's had issues, that isn't quite what I meant!!) Plan A dude. You rock, and somewhere deep inside, you know that!!

Tim - another legend of this year. So so many times you've picked up the pieces and put them back together to form some sort of resmblance of me. At times, dunno what I would have done if you hadn't been there. Anytime you fancy a pint, the next one is on me. Its the least I can do, and it nowhere near symbolises how greatful I am to you for everything you've done this year. But its a start.

Becca - Mummy Becca who looked after me on my first night when all I wanted to do was go home. And who's continued to look after me since. Next year will SUCK without you and Hannah living 2 mins walk away from me...but I *will* still see you, and NO-ONE will stop that!! lol. Nuff said there I think!!! Love you mumma *hugs*

John - some may say an odd choice to thank, but I really want to say thanks for an amazing year. Things might have gone wrong now, but for a long time, you were one of my best friends, and I really value the times you were there for me. There were points last term where you kept me going, and elections night was one of the best nights I've had at uni so far. Take care dude, and maybe sometime we'll be able to work out our friendship. I hope so, but I'm not gonna force it.

Who else?? Hannah for all those Deal Or Not Deal sessions and just for generally being Hannah, Na for those late night MSNs and for being the most amazing housemate-in-training (as it were), my Committee who keep telling me I'm doing good, even when I continue not to believe them, Kathy for talking sense into me, and Claire for picking up the pieces after Kathy's tough love approach, my Name Twin, Rob, Jo, Sarah, Emma and all my other B block babes, my St Johns Cru, Ben K, Paula and Susie

So many special people, so many special memories. I actually can't express in words how I feel about this year. I've changed so much, mostly for the better. I've learnt SO much about myself, other people and the world in general. I've loved and had my heart broken; I've learnt to become more cautious about who I let in, but also learnt not to keep everyone out.

You grieve you learn

You choke you learn

You laugh you learn

You choose you learn

You pray you learn

You ask you learn

You live you learn

Things I have learnt in the past few days...

Once again dear readers...I return to the blogosphere for some pointless nonsense when I should be doing something more useful, like writing a UCCF email or emailing Jeff&Tim...ah well!!! This is much more fun!!!! And provides entertainment for many a reader, whereas my emails can only entertain (or otherwise) one person at a time...so I see blogging as my utilitarian duty of the day. Shall I get on with it now?? Yes?? OK.

There are, quite simply, two sets of lyrics that have taught me well in the past fews days...one with a serious point, one with a BLINDINGLY obvious point...

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth;
Oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked…
You’re not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you.
Sing
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss
Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own...
Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you.
Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen…

And the other one...


You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh
That's right I took your words
And I believed In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh
That's right

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them up
Cause they're all wrong I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no
No no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I'd give anything

When someone said count your blessings now
For they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Yeah yeah
I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew
My darling
My darling
Who knew
My darling
I miss you
My darling
Who knew
Who knew

But which one, dear readers, is which?? I leave you with that quandry as I return to my ever present emails...

I got a nice Teddy Bear out of it...

I have, dear readers, reached a decision. The hideous complication is over. No more am I to be hideous or confused about it (there's something wrong with that statement... *thinks* lol.) *ahem* anyway.

My previous blogs I Deserve So Much Better and Music Is My Memory have shown me leading up to this...and finally dear readers...I am here :) Maybe not every hour of every day, but my overwhelming mood is one of WHATEVER!!! (with optional hand gesture...) (No Paula, not *that* sort of hand gesture...I meant the W one...)

In rather a philosophical mood about it all really, and I got a *really* nice teddy bear out of it!!!

Music is my memory...

In the past few days, one of the things that has helped me most has been various bits of music that people have pointed me towards, because when I stop to think about it, music is, and always will be my memory. If there's a point that needs to be made, I'll remember it for a lot longer if it's associated with a song.

And so, in no particular order, a few songs that have come to mean rather a lot to me in the past week or so:

Sometimes Im clueless and Im clumsy

But Ive got friends that love me

And they know just where I stand

Its all a part of me

And thats who I am

So when I make a big mistake

When I fall flat on my face

I know Ill be alright

Should my tender heart be broken

I will cry those teardrops knowin

I will be just fine

cause nothin changes who I am

Lani has literally just introduced me to that one, but as soon as I looked at the lyrics, I knew exactly which bit reminded her of me. And it's true...nothing changes who I am. Whether my friends understand me and support me, or if they turn away and don't help, it doesn't matter. I'm still me, and, at the end of the day, people can like it or lump it!! I need to stop caring so much about what people think about me and look after number one for a while.

Which brings me nicely on to Sarah's song for me:

I don't need you to

Tell me i'm pretty to make me feel beautiful

I don't need you to

Give me your strength to make me feel i'm strong

I got all of this strength that I need hereinside my own two hands

All that I want is your love and respect for who I am

What I really need

Comes from deep inside of me

Don't need you to tell me i'm pretty to make me feel beautiful

Don't need you to make me strong cuz i'm strong all on my own

Doesn't come from outside

This beauty I know

Comes from inside my soul

Tacky singer, but actually, the words need to be said. My blog from the other day (Just Because They're Them) shows the people who are helping me, but actually, all they're doing is showing me what I already know how to do, I've just forgotten right now and so need a loving kick back in the right direction.

The next one comes courtesy of our friendly chaplain, who, when I was being really rather rude about his taste in music, pointed out to me the lyrics of one Jack Johnson where he sings

And maybe you been through this before

But its my first time

So please ignore

The next few lines cause they're directed at you

I cant always be waiting waiting on you

I cant always be playing playing your fool

I keep playing your cardsBut its not my scene

Wont this plot not twist?

I have no place to read?

Keep building me up, then shooting me down

Well im already down

Just wait a minute

Just sitting waiting

Just wait a minute

Just sitting waiting

And, really, the ultimate put down:

I can't take my mind off of you

I can't take my mind off you

I can't take my mind off of you

I can't take my mind off you

I can't take my mind off you

I can't take my mind...

My mind...my mind...

'Til I find somebody new

Love it. Almost as much as I love all my amazing friends. But not quite that much, because that can't be put into words

xx

Just because they're them...

Couldn't have done the past few days without them. Or without this one:

Just thought I'd tell the world how wonderful my three bestest girlies are.

I deserve so much better...

Ho hum. Now I've returned from my attempt to run away and avoid the problem, I thought I should probably blog again. For regular readers, what comes next may come as something of a shock. Except for those of you who have had the misfortune to be on the end of a phone or MSN to me in the past two days, because between you, you've said it all anyway. Lulu land has not been the best place to be recently, despite Lovely Day and Lovely Day mark 2, and whilst this isn't necessarily a blog of details (because that wouldn't help the situation at all), it *is* a blog of immense thanks.

I've done a *lot* of realising in the past few days. Realising who my friends really are, realising how much they all care about me, and finally, possbly, maybe, realising how valued I am. Learning that I deserve so much better than I've been getting recently from some friends and the way I've been treated recently says nothing about who I am as a person, but says much more about who my "friends" are. When I say friends, at the moment I use the word in the loosest sense. Or perhaps the past tense. I don't know; I wish I did, because then perhaps it would be easier to deal with.

I find it vaguely ironic that my music right now is God Only Knows by The Beach Boys, coz I know for sure that I couldn't have got through the past few days without certain people, so I'm finding the lyrics for that pretty poignant right now

If you should ever leave me

Well life would still go on believe me

The world could show nothing to me

So what good would living do me

God only knows what I'd be without you

God only knows what I'd be without you

God only knows

I've also found those lyrics have much more meaning in other ways too, namely, God only knows. Now for most people, that's just a saying, but I *know* that God gave me these amazing people around me; its his way of giving me the strength I need to get through each day at the moment. All the time I was at home, I was thinking of a song that I've always loved, but today and for the next few days, will be really special to me:

Lord I come to You

Let my heart be changed renewed

Flowing from the grace that I found

In You

Lord I've come to know

The weakness I see in me

Will be stripped away

By the power of Your love

Hold me close

Let Your love surround me

Bring me near

Draw me to Your side

And as I wait I'll rise up like the eagle

And I will soar with You

Your Spirit leads me on

By the power of Your love

Lord unveil my eyes

Let me see You face to face

The knowledge of Your love as You live

In me

Lord renew my mind

As Your will unfolds my life

In living every day

By the power of Your love

Hold me close

Let Your love surround me

Bring me near

Draw me to Your side

And so, the immense thanks:

- Jo B for sending me the sweetest email that caused me to cry (a lot) when I read it, and for caring about me so much. For being the most amazing sister I never had, and just generally for loving me.

- Sarah N for spending so much time talking to me on Thursday before I left, and for speaking out very bravely in telling me what needed to be said, not what I needed to hear. She's about the only person who can get away with telling it to me that straight, and it worked. Well, it is working. Slowly. But its working.

- Tim for just being Tim. Managing to make me laugh when all I felt like doing was crying, and really, just for caring about me!! For understanding completely my need to leave, and for sending me a message telling me to take care of myself. Which also made me cry, but that's not saying much at the moment.

- Lani for being one of the best friends a girl could have, and for the knowledge that she's there every minute of every day should I need her.

Me running home on Thursday was completely out of character; I don't run from problems, I solve them, but this one is taking some pretty hefty work to solve. I know it's not going to happen over night. There are gonna be good days and bad days, I'm gonna get upset, but I'm also not going to let it ruin the rest of what otherwise has been the most perfect year.

And finally...because I'm listening to it right now and because I need to remember it:

I'm sick, I'm tired of staying in control

Oh yes, I feel a rat upon a wheel

I've got to no what's not and what is real

Oh yes, I'm sorry I digressed

Impressed you're dressed to SOS

Oh, and my parents love me

Oh, and my girlfriends love me

Oh, they keep photos of me

Oh, thats enough love for me

Lovely Day Mark 2...

When I say lovely day...lovely afternoon. Could have done without the 3 1/4 hour exam this morning, but it went ok, so lets not complain *too* much....

Once again, the loveliness of the day was down to the BEEYOOTIFUL sunshine...after my exam me, my little Afro Matt and Dan headed to Crosslands for lunch...sat in the Quad. Didn't move from said Quad for FOUR hours. Don't get me wrong, I varied my company suitably across those four hours - Jo, Tim, Matt, Stina...ok, so not much variance, but some very lovely time spent with some very lovely people.

As I said to Lani, revision level = zero. Happiness level = 100. Which is something to be encouraged after the past couple of days. As various people (Sarah and Lani, and Tim actually) could tell you, I haven't been the happiest of bunnies recently...hideous complications and all. Today, however, just cemented in my mind what I already really knew - its people like Jo and Tim and Sarah and Lani an Na who I need around me. Not people who bring me down (naming no names, but hey, doubt he's reading it anyway...its got my name on it). For the past two days, everything has set me off almost in tears - music, films, even Facebook upset me at one point...but things are on the up. More time with "good" people and very little time wasted on those who don't care about me!!

I'm now getting told to go to bed left, right and centre, so I'm gonna head off...can't wait until exams are OVER and I can stay up for as long as I like and sleep in until I wake up... *sigh*

much love

me

xx

I blame Lani...

Well, she said that revision was no reason for not blogging...I blogged yesterday it is true, but also felt the need to play with Blogthings rather than do my revision. Which, in my defence, I actually spent the whole afternoon doing out in the sun *sigh* (revising that is, not Blogthings)

So here goes...you never know, they might give you an insight into my life at the moment as well...

Your Candy Heart Says "First Kiss"

You're a true romantic who brings an innocent hope to each new relationship. You see the good in every person you date, and you relish each step of falling in love. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a romantic dinner your sweetie cooks for you Your flirting style: friendly and sweet What turns you off: cynics who don't believe in romance Why you're hot: you always keep the romance alive

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

People Envy Your Generosity

You're a giving soul, and you'd do almost anything for those you love. And they'd do anything for you! People may envy how giving you are, but more than anything, they envy those you open your heart to.

What Do People Envy About You?

You Are a Red Flower

A red flower tends to represent power, seduction, and desire. At times, you are loving like a red tulip. And at other times, you're very enthusiastic, like a bouvardia. And more than you wish, your passion is a bit overwhelming, like a red rose.

What Color Flower Are You?

Your Theme Song is Beautiful Day by U2

"Sky falls, you feel like It's a beautiful day Don't let it get away" You see the beauty in life, especially in ordinary everyday moments. And if you're feeling down, even that seems a little beautiful too.

What's Your Theme Song?

Well that was fun!!!

Muchos love mes lovlies

me

xx

Lovely Day

Fulfilling my promise to Na to blog...wasn't in a blogging mood for the past few days, but had such a lovely day today that I am now back in the blogosphere :)

Dunno why today was so lovely...it just was!! Had an exam yesterday, which was kinda stressful, but its over, so why bother stressing!!! Had a really nice evening with Sarah N last night too at Jeff's induction and a really good chat to Chris online after she'd gone. Very much feeling the love for my St John's Cru atm.

My procrastination skills are becoming finely honed by the challenge of exams...the closer it gets to the exam, the better my procrastination becomes. I'm getting very creative actyally...painting my nails...straightening my hair...commenting on Tim's GORGEOUS photos on Facebook (just to clarify that point - the *photos* are gorgeous, not Tim. Because that would just be innappropriate. And odd) (Really hope he isn't reading this...) But they are very gorgeous...had such a nice afternoon at Tim & Sarah's last Sunday just playing with small children...SO nice!!

But to get back to today (funny how talking about procrastination has meant that I was procrastinating from the topic...ironic, I'd say!!) Today. Got woken up at the fairly unearthly hour of 6.15, coz I hadn't shut my curtains properly and the sun was shining on my face. Obviously, I went back to sleep until the slightly more humane hour of 9.30...but being woken up by the sun is *so* nice...put me in a good mood for the rest of the day!!!! Had a very lazy morning doing naff all, then met Stina and my little Afro Matt in Crosslands for YUMMY lunch, then had a revision seminar for my Novel exam next week (okies, that wasn't amazing, but we can move swiftly on...) Went back to Crosslands and came across Hannah, Becca and John in the Quad and we walked back to Swood in the sunshine, via the Ice Cream shop. NICE!!! As John would say, we then "macked" in the sun outside for a while and then went shopping in Staines. Very chilled, and very lovely.

All in all, I'm feeling the love!!

muchos love

me

xx

ps Blogging normality will be resumed soon...I will record my random thoughts on a much more regular basis NAOMI!!! *hugs*

I almost forgot...

Oh yeah, and I've had all my hair cut off!! Almost forgot to say :)

xx

Hello Strangers!!!

Strangers in many ways really - I can't believe its almost the end of the hols!!! By this time next week, I'll be back with you all for seven weeks of non-stop fun, give or take the odd exam!!! I've heard that by all accounts, the summer term at Holloway is the best, so I'm expecting great things guys!!!

Due to the supreme lack of broadband at home, I haven't had my usual *ahem* (omni) presence on MSN / Facebook / the internet, hence the lack of bloggage...

But I'll be back soon...in both the physical sense and the virtual sense :)

much love
me
xx

100 Have You Evers... (Thanks Lani!!)

1. Made out for more than 3 minutes? erm, yes. But lets not dwell on the past.

2. Slept in a different bed? Yup. Nothing beats your own bed though really...

3. Made out in a movie theatre? not "made out" as such, but it was a date...

4. Made out with 2 different people in one night? Nope. Too much self respect.

5. Thought your cousin was hot? Eeeeew!! Have you seen my cousins!! lol. That would just be wrong!!

6. Been in love? Part of me says yes, but looking back, I don't think so. And I'm trying very hard to avoid it at the moment. The complication is hideous enough as it is...

7. Slept? Well, yes! Not much recently for various reasons, but yeah.

8. Taken a shower with the opposite sex? No, not as such. There've been showers like out on the beaches in America and swimming pools on holiday, but not a bathroom shower, no.

9. Gone over the speed limit? I don't drive :p

10. Painted your room? What are Daddies for?? Duh!!

12. Danced in front of your mirror? *goes very red* *small voice* all the time. Except at uni, where I don't actually have a mirror...

13. Gotten a hickey? no, because I don't date vampires.

14. Been dumped? Well, I suppose it would be called "being dumped", but last I heard from him, he'd asked my best mate out. While we were still together. He never called to say that it was over...so technically...

15. Stolen money from a friend? Never

16. Gotten in a car with people you just met? It was that or walk back to Kingswood...

17. Been in a fist fight? Fists no. Slaps, yes.

18. Snuck out of your house? You've clearly never visited my house (a.k.a. Fort Knox) plus the stairs all creak, there's no such thing as avoiding the creaky floorboards...

19. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? past tense?? Ha, if only.

20. Been arrested? I thought we agreed this was never gonna get talked about again?? lol. Course not!!

21. Made out with a stranger? again, two words: Self. Respect.

22. Left your house with out telling your parents? I actually never do!! How sad is that!!

23. Had a crush on your neighbor? have you *seen* my neighbours?? plus, they're all little kids, so that would just be wrong.

24. Ditched school to do something more fun? no, I was a keen bean.

25. Slept in a bed with a member of the same or opposite sex ? yes, but only same, not opposite.

26. Seen someone die? nope

27. Been on a plane? Unfortunately yes. When they discover a way of getting to the US without flying, I'm *so* there...

28. Kissed in a picture? I don't do PDA's

29. Slept in until 3? nah. Being in bed really isn't that much fun...I'd rather be up and doing something.

30. Love someone or miss someone right now? Both. Let's not dwell on that one either.

31. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? Yup. It's *so* relaxing, an with the right person...

32. Made a snow angel? snow?? what's snow Mummy??

33. Played dress up? I *am* a Princess, I don't need to dress up like one!!! I was never really into that as a kid, other than my Tutu...

34. Cheated while playing a game? Have you ever tried to play Cluedo with me?? Tip: don't if you like to win...I know every cheat in the book. And I've tried them all too. Ask my mum if you don't believe me.

35. Been lonely? When you need someone so badly it hurts...yes. I have.

37. Been to a club? Oh come on, you've only just got me going to the union!!

38. Felt an earthquake? Thankfully no!

39. Touched a snake? I have actually. At Marwell Zoo. It was horrible.

40. Ran a red light? I still don't drive...

41. Been suspended from school? Nope, I was a good girl me...just ask Mrs Clarke if you don't believe me...

42. Had detention? Only lunchtimes. And that was only coz the whole class got kept in.

43. Been in a car wreck? Not a wreck, although a kid once cycled into the car on the passenger side and smashed the windscreen and made a huge dent in the side of the car...

44. Hated the way you look? If I'm honest, yes. Quite a lot. And even tho I got told off for it the other night, its still gonna happen.

45. Witnessed a crime? nope. not to my knowledge anyway.

46. Been lost? My map reading skill is of, well, variable standard...

47. Been to the opposite side of the country? well, from here, that would be Scotland...so no. And the furthest East I've been is Ashford and West is probably Bristol...

48. Felt like dying from embarrassment? SO many times...I need to choose my friends more carefully I think...

49. Cried yourself to sleep? It happens.

50. Sang karaoke? Oh yes. Many times.

51. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't do? Where to start?? Well, positively...got in here, passed my Physics with an A, got in a plane again after 9/11, left home... more negatively, fell for the wrong person. Again. stayed up late to finish work that is due in the next day.

52. Laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose? Eww!! No!!

53. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes

54. Kissed in the rain? *ahem* yes.

55. Sung in the shower? I'm more of a bath girl if I'm honest...

56. Had a dream that you married someone? Yes, so lets move swiftly on so as to avoid any awkward questions.

57. Played getting married? When I was *very* little...

58. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? Can't say I ever have actually...

59. Ever gone to school partially nude? nope

60. Been a hooker? Do those two words need repeating again??

61. Sat on a roof top? Noooooo, but I would really love to sometime...

62. Didn't take a shower for a week? Happens often actually, as I said, I'm more of a bath girl...

63. Ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone? I've given myself a life ban on scary movies, coz I get scared and need a cuddle...

64. Played chicken? nope, I value my organs being *inside* my body, not squashed on the road by a car

65. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? No, so lets keep it that way...

66. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? yes, but he was drunk, so I didn't pay too much attention to it...

67. Broken a bone? No, but there's still time...

68. Been easily amused? I have a *very* low humour threshold...

69. Laugh so hard you cry? all the time!!

70. Cheated on a test? Nothing that really mattered...

71. Forgotten someone's name? Since I have the memory of a golfish, it happens all the time!!

72. Blacked out from drinking? never

73. Played a prank on someone? hehe, yeah. good times!!

74. Gone to a late night movie? nope.

76. Failed a class? I've actually *never* failed any kind of exam. Come very close with Physics, but never actually failed...

77. Choked on something you're not supposed to eat? man, I choke on stuff I *am* supposed to eat!

78. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours? Erm, not straight off, but rehearsals for West Side Story were pretty intense...

79. Had feelings for two people at the same time? nope. I'm a one man woman. Maybe that's my problem...

80. Did you celebrate the 4th of July? no, but I did give it a thought.

81. Thrown strange objects? When I'm angry, I throw whatever is to hand

82. Felt like someone else? never...maybe that's my problem too...

83. Thought about running away? yeah, never actually done it tho...

84. Ran away? Oops. See above.

85. Had detention and not attend it? Never had detention :P

86. Made parents cry? My dad is getting dead emotional in his old age...

87. Cried over someone? what, like, today?? or ever?? lol. Not today, before anyone starts to worry, but yeah, often.

88. Owned more than 5 sharpies? *translation error*

89. Dated someone more than once? *ahem* moving swiftly on...

90. Have a dog? nope

91. Own an instrument? One or six

92. Been in a band? Let's get one thing straight, I'm not *with* the band...I *am* the band...

93. Drank 25 sodas in a day? no

94. Wish you could go back in time and change something? regret is a very bad thing. Yes, of course I do, I'm human. But we live and learn.

95. Shot a gun? haha, just stop and think on that one...me?? with a gun?? HAHAHA!!

96. Been on Myspace for more than 5 hours? I don't have a Myspace, but Facebook...

97. Been through puberty? well, I'd like to think so...being 19 an all

98. Have a major crush on someone right now? is nothing secret round here?? oh yeah, no, its not!!

99. Have a religion? lets just say, my favourite quote of the last few weeks, "I don't believe in religion, I believe in God" (thanks Tim, you're a legend)

100. Thought about what people would say at your funeral? Yes, but I was ill at the time...

Specialness

This might seem like a bit of an echo of Lani's blog (WOW!! Paula has just MSNd me to say I need to blog again...just as I'm writing this! madness) Anywho, the point of this blog: what I should have done long ago and what I should say to people a lot more than I do...

In no particular order really, just as my thoughts take me...

Lani - my uni mum. She really really is. This week I've had a mini regression with my hideous complication, and she's been there 100% and didn't even tell me off for missing my curfew (again!) when I was trying to sort things out. She's just Lani, and she's amazing in every way...she even organised a mammoth operation to make me a birthday cake at Cell last week without my knowledge in any way...she is amazing and I love her to bits.

Sarah N - my other uni mum. She keeps telling me I can go to her any hour of the day or night with my problems, and when other people tell her that I've been upset, she gets upset that I haven't gone to her. THAT is friendship. When someone so chronically busy as she is can still find time to get upset that I haven't gone to her with a problem...words are actually failing me at this point, but she knows (I hope) that its just me giving her a little break from my woes by taking them to someone else...it doesn't mean I love her any less.

Nao - lots and lots of special housemate love to my Nao...a rubbish liar but one of the best friends a girl could have. Always there without fail, and ALWAYS patient with me, even when I'm making a mess of things. Or reading invisible *ahem* subtexts into conversations that aren't really there. Good job she's on my committee really, I need someone to keep me organised!!

Laura P - I've been a rubbish friend to you recently...and yet you're still there for me when I get upset very late at night and need a cuddle. For keeping me sane in Novel and Poetry lectures...I love you so much, and I *will* be better next term. I'm not making excuses, coz I've *never* been the kind of girl to let a guy come between me and my girls, so I'm not gonna let ANYTHING come between us, you're too special.

Jo B - my uni big sister. And she really is. If I could chose any sister in the world, it would be Joey. She's such an amazing person, we struggle together, laugh and cry together and generally spend far too much time procrastinating together when we should be working.

Paula - who has gone remarkbly quiet on MSN just now...but she still gets a mention. I've got to admit, Paula always intimidated me slightly when I first met her. Now I know she's just mad. Lovely. But mad. If there's one person guaranteed to make me smile when I'm down, its Paula, and that is such an amazing quality to have in a friend.

Ben, Chris Tis and Tom Page - not quite sure how, but you three have the amazing ability to always, without fail, make me laugh, however stressed or upset or angry I am, you guys just crack me up (that is a *really* good thing btw!!) It's gonna majorly suck next year when Chris and Ben have left...but until then, keep it up guys!! It's good for my mental sanity if nothing else!! (Special note for Chris Tis - your MSN names are actually starting my day with a smile every morning!! You're a legend too)

Tim Rose - I doubt he'll ever read it, but I thought I'd give him a mention anyway. He's been amazing this term, despite always assuming that I'm in some sort of mess through my own actions...when I turn up in his office going, "Tim, Help" I'm met with "Why? What have you done now?" But all jokes aside, his help in the last few days with my hideous complication has been brilliant and I wanted everyone to know how thankful to him I am for that.

Chris, Lani, Nao, Rhian, Hannah, Alice - my cell. Some of you have already had individual mentions (oooh, aren't you special!!!) (Well, yeah, that is the point of this blog entry) but as a group I wanted to make a special point - I have never *ever* felt as loved by one group of friends as I did last Thursday...you guys are so special to me, and I'm gonna miss yous all *so* much next year when we aren't in the same cell anymore!!!

I think that's about the lot!! Sorry to get so emotional, but as I was just saying to Paula, I was overtaken by a mood and felt that I should maybe say some stuff that I haven't said to you guys in a while. I don't say it often, but I really do value you all *so* much, and I know how lucky I am to have you all around me

Big Hugs all round...feel free to come and see me for a proper one anytime yous all like

love always

me

xx

A good old boost for the self-esteem...

Enjoy playing with these guys...

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Laura-Jane

http://www.laura.youaremighty.com

Ho hum...

Well well well. Where to begin?? The last few weeks have been really rather uneventful (apart from last night, more of which later). TONNES of work, and I mean literally TONNES. Definately a physical as well as metaphorical weight on my shoulders at the moment. But still. We don't complain. much. lol. I'm actually considering looking in my diary to see if anything has happened since my last blog *searches for said dairy* but the saddest thing is, the most exciting thing I've done in the two weeks or so since my last blog...is have coffee with Lani and Nao. Don't get me wrong girlies, it was a very fun time, but it shows how much of a life outside the uni bubble I don't have at the moment!! I need to get out more.

Actually, having said all that, some very good things have happened to those around me...Mark was inducted into his new church, which was all very Anglican and faffy, but still quite interesessting, especially as we had banners :) Go Paula and Jo!!! And of course, the Exec Elections where John got voted in as Welfare Officer. That was a *very* nervous few hours waiting for those results, followed by a few very fun hours of celebrations.

Elections. Funny we should come to talk about them...which leads me nicely (humbly and modestly) onto last night...CT elections. I thought it would be a good idea to stand for President. So I did. And didn't realise until I walked back into the room and the union bloke was opening his mouth to tell me I'd won that "I WAS GOING TO BE IN CHARGE OF A SOCIETY". But I won. So now I am!! And it's SO exciting!! Scary, but exciting!! Had my first meeting as "President" with Tim today, and I think it's going to be an AMAZING year...I've got a brilliant committee to work with, so I'm looking forward to getting to know those people I don't know so well better and getting on even better with the ones I do know. We then followed the elections with Cell, and it was mos def one of the best yet. Love it.

So yeah, its all good really!!

Until later fellow bloggers...

xx

Just for Paula

Paula wanted to me to blog again. So here it is - the past couple of weeks in Lulu Land:

Well, technically *still* recovering from the Weekend Away...still got backache (which has today also developed into *chronic* neck ache :( , still really quite tired...never quite got the hang of early nights...so still haven't really caught up on the 20 or so hours sleep I missed over said weekend. But still, the miracles of modern make-up cover the bags under my eyes, so all is not lost!! And anyway, Lani has made me promise to be in bed before midnight every night during lent...so I've gotta enjoy my last few late nights before that begins!!!

Hum...other than that, not much has really happened. Been working *very* hard...saw my tutor and came up with a few strategies to help...like stop trying to be a perfectionist and act like you're a first year etc etc. Also been getting lots of very lovely support from everyone else, which was nice. The hideous complication has all but gone...our friendship is still there, my heart is almost intact again and things are definately on the up :)

My St John's Cru went Ice Skating on Tuesday...VERY funny...Johnny had his camera, and got a video or two (or ten) of us all at various stages between flat on the ice (Paula) and immense skating action (Tom P and Sacha and Rach). I think I fell somewhere in between (not literally, altho that did happen once), but in my defence, the time I almost fell over wasn't my fault - Paula skated into Ben, and he decided that my arm was the preferable thing to hold on to to stop himself falling over. The time I did fall over also wasn't my fault...honest!!!! lol.

The only thing of excitement that has happened since then....I'VE GOT A HOUSE!!!!!!!!!! I'm now no longer homeless for next year, and its not in the ghetto!!! Woohoo!!

And that's about your lot

Until next time fellow bloggers...

x

Awwwwwwwww, I'm so rubbish!!

I do believe I managed to write a whole blog entry without mentioning my most beautiful favouritest Sarah N once!! I'm so rubbish!! The Weekend Away that she organised, and I didn't even give her a mention!!

What I should have said is that she is one of the most amazing people I've ever met, and I know I'm so blessed to have her as a friend. She gave up so much of her time over the weekend to look after me and spend time with me, talking and praying and gernerally making sure I was ok.

I love her to bits!!!!!

xx

THE most epic Weekend Away ever (Will I say that every time??)

Hum. Well, where to begin?? If I'm being honest, the excitement really began at Regenerate on Thursday night...well, that was where I began bouncing with excitement about it anyway!! Also was doing quite a lot of excited bouncing in the College Shop on Friday afternoon. I think I scared Luke...he looked slightly petrified at the prospect of spending the weekend with me!!! And then when I got back to Kingswood there was obviously the saga of packing...more of which later I believe.

Anywho. To move it along...Founders Wes' Thide (say it out loud...pref with the hand thing...), 6.45. And perhaps the funniest moment of the whole weekend (up to that point at least): Ben's face when he thought that the pile of bags belonging to about four people was all mine. Which it wasn't. Because I'd packed light :-) Really, if you don't believe that was light, ask my Dad how much stuff I took to America...ANYWAY, I didn't have *that* much...Susie had a suitcase too (Yes I know *all* her stuff was in it, but that is *such* a minor point. And Paula had two pillows, but no-one mocked her did they?? BUt it still became the joke of the weekend. Huh. After (much) complaining, all the stuff (and five people) fitted in Ben's car, even if it was a lil bit snug in the back. (Ooooooooooooh, at some point in there I became aquainted with Liz....almost missed that bit out!! ERROR!!) (Sorry Lani). Oh, an we had a bit of a pillow fight too (obviosuly before we got in the car...Ben's car might be the car of fun, but there isn't quite enough space for it to be *that* fun)

So, M25. Fun as ever. Almost blinded Ben by taking a photo when he was looking in the rear view mirror.

Debated taking a photo of Tom Page as we drove past, but decided that would be slightly dangerous and rather irresponsible, so we played some funky music instead...cheesy pop is my speciality :P Godalming proved really rather an exciting place..so exciting we drove around it three times (well, it sounds better than "we got a bit lost when we were trying to find the church" doesn't it?? no?? sarcastic?? me??) but we got there eventually. And it was MAHUSIVE. Literally, a person could get lost in that place. We were *so* spoilt...Table Tennis, Table Football, Air Hockey (Yes, AIR HOCKEY!! and not a bowling alley in sight) and a Pool Table. Turned out that the girls had an amazing room to sleep in...TWO sofas, and squillions of sofas...and the poor boys had, well, the floor?? there was lots of floor to choose from...yet they still moaned!! Can't completely remember what we did on Friday evening...we had Spag Bol for dinner, and played lots of games, including some sort of welcome game where we learnt that Tom "Quentin" Page's mum isn't allergic to potatoes and that there were a lot of sad musos on that weekend. Had some girly bonding over chocolate in the bedroom...lots of special housemate love to my girlies...

I think we went to bed at about 12.30 / 1ish...and went to sleep about 2.30ish. Lani sang (croaked) some German lullabys, but they didn't really work...but we did get a number of classic quotes in that time... "I need to go to sleep or I'll fail my degree" (Paula), "Chris has five letters" (long story, but thanks for that one Liz) and just general girly chit chat about boys and stuff...and I think we should stop there for Friday night (well, technically Saturday morning) :-)

So, later on Saturday morning...I managed to completely spoil Lani's fun by being awake and therefore not needing a nice early morning rendition of "Rise and Shine and give God the glory glory". Breakfast was pretty uneventful really...dunno why I a) only have breakfast on the Weekend Away or b) why I only ever have chocolate spread on toast on said Weekend... Hum *ponders* Anyway...had the first meeting...on a more serious note here, Vicky was AMAZING...everyone got so much out of the weekend, I know I certainly did.

Lunch followed...and who could've guessed that cookies go so well with a ham salad sandwich...well, Em assured us they did...no one else really wanted to try it!! Crisps in a sandwich, yes. Biscuits, no. There is a time and place for biscuits, and in a sandwich is not it. Lots of various sports (of the table based variety) were going on all day...turns out I'm pants at Air Hockey, pretty pants at Table Football and royally pants at Table Tennis...I maintain its because I'm too nice to want to beat everyone else...but I think the truth is I'm pants!!!! Second meeting...had a ministry time and laid hands on and prayed over Lani (which worked!! YIPPEE!!) then had some free time to explore historic Godalming. Which was EPIC. Actually, it was ever so slightly wierd, just like it was driving down roads that were so familiar to me...we were only 20 mins from my house, yet I was surrounded by uni people...VERY surreal, but soooooo tempting to go home for a hot bath!!!

Someone had the inspired idea of putting on some music when we were cooking dinner, and the memory of Tom CH 'shaking it' like a polaroid picture will (unfortunately) remain ingrained on my mind for many days to come. Was really good fun hanging out in the kitchen though, and I like to think we cooked a good meal!! (Actually, on a short diversion, ALL the food was good for the whole weekend...so simple, but really proper food!! I ate 3 proper meals each day!! Pudding and all!!). Then there was the big ol Saturday night meeting, which had such a good atmosphere. Vicky was a really inspiring talker, and it was really cool to do something so different (Don't worry James...Alan...we were all friends there...nasty smelly boys!!). Jokes aside, the fellowship *was* really good, simply because we were all such good friends.

No Weekend Away would be complete without the Saturday night games... *nods proudly* I KNEW learning the lyrics for "U Can't Touch This" would come in useful one day!! It was *such* a laugh...typical Page-esque scoring...still can't believe Ben took a point off us for "cheating" when he told us exactly what we'd worked out seconds after docking us our point!! Rudeness I call it!!! Still, Team Jamesey came second :-) so all was not lost. One of *the* most epic moments of the weekend though had to be the wheelchairs...

Me an Jo B stayed up for a bit to play table tennis with Chris and Ben...I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO rubbish...sorry Chris!! And he was so nice about me being so rubbish!! What a gent.

Bedtime was a *lot* quieter that night...people went a lot earlier, but there still managed to be quite a lot of hilarity anyway...Paula fell over at least four times before she got settled...Liz an Em texting...Lani threatening to confisscate their phones (which she did in her sleep apparently!! EPIC!!) and the snoring!!! Turns out that Paula actually tried to record it, but her's and Liz's descriptions in the morning meant that we didn't really need a recording...lol.

Waking up on Sunday morning was, admittedly quite a chore, but we all finally emerged. Had a *slight* problem getting my sleeping bag away which I struggled with for almost 10 mins and which took Ben at the most 2 mins to sort out :-( I'm such a girl sometimes!!! We went to the service, which was funny...some *classic* old skool hymns, and Lani's newest favourite song in the world...then a quick lunch and pack and we were gone.

I know I've missed so many classic moments out of that...all the time round the piano with Lani and Liz, all the classic quotes that were so funny at the time but that I can't recall now, Dodgeball with an inflatable globe, Hacky-Sacky...just know it was the BEST time I've had in a very long time!!

Thanks guys!!

xx

How to tell when I've got an essay due...the blogthings appear...

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have medium extroversion. You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party. Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences. But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time." Conscientiousness: You have high conscientiousness. Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life. Most things in your life are organized and planned well. But you borderline on being a total perfectionist. Agreeableness: You have high agreeableness. You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly. Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone. You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance. Neuroticism: You have high neuroticism. It's easy for you to feel shaken, worried, or depressed. You often worry, and your worries prevent you from living life fully. You tend to be emotionally reactive and moody. Your either flying very high or feeling very low. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is medium. You are generally broad minded when it come to new things. But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it. You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

The Five Factor Personality Test

You Are 62% Addicted to Love

Might as well face it, you're very addicted to love. But you're not really getting the deep love you seek. Short lived, dramatic relationships are more your style. Let go of needing someone, and you may find someone you actually want.

Are You Addicted to Love?

Counting my blessings...

Wow, this is really rather nice. When I saw it, I felt so loved!! And slightly embarrassed - I'm nothing special, I'm just me!!

http://glitzy-dreams.blogspot.com/2005/12/ode-to-robins.html

Reading that just makes me realise how lucky I am to have such amazing people around me!! Actually slightly at a loss for words to describe what I'm trying to say, you guys *know* how much I love you all...you're all so different it would take me the rest of the day to say it all anyway, but you know who you are and why you're so special to me!!

xx