I am what I am

I am what I am

I am my own special creation.

So come take a look,

Give me the hook or the ovation.

It's my world that I want to take a little pride in,

My world, and it's not a place I have to hide in.

Life's not worth a damn,

'Til you can say, "Hey world, I am what I am."

from "Les Cage aux Folles"

I've realised recently how competitive life can be. Literally everywhere there are people competing to out-do each other - to lose the most weight, to earn the most money, to have the best clothes, to get the best degree results, to be the best singer, to be the best most best, and the worst thing about it - it seems to now be ok to be overtly open with your methods of proof. To make sure that everyone knows that you are the best at or have the most X, Y or Z and to be seen to be at the very tippiest top of whatever heap you've crushed under you on the way up.

I can only speak for myself when I say - being content with what you have is the only way to be peaceful with who you are. Obviously there are practicalities...a little more money each month would be lovely (particularly given the STONKING car bill the garage presented us with this afternoon) but then, how much more is enough? If you have more, you want more. And so on, and so on. Winning these competitions will never make you content enough. Competing is not healthy. Competing doesn't make you happy. Competing doesn't make you complete.

I'm not going to lie: I used to be up there competing with the best of them. Look at me, look at my grades, look at this, look at that. But then I realised there's much more to life than material things. People's adoration is temporary at best. "Stuff" is not the be all and end all of life. What matters is the things that last. What matters is that I have integrity and can stand before my friends and my God with no guilt. To be happy with who I am and what I do.

And I can do that. Come join me...

Love, etc.

xx

Random Acts of Kindness

"we make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give"

Winston Churchill

After deciding on my blog title, I googled "Random Acts of Kindness" Twenty minutes later I was still sitting watching the quotes scroll round on their home page. Possibly THE simplest idea ever created by a human being, I love the premise - perform one act of random kindness a day.

I've seen so many examples - the traditional things like paying for the person behind you at the drive through, or for someone else's dinner in the restaurant; little things, like post-it notes on mirrors or notes in someone's pigeon hole; bigger things, like the guy who not only helped us get our suitcases on the train in Rome but who went and got a luggage trolley and actively came and found us when we got to the airport, or like the person I saw the other day scraping their next door neighbours windscreen free of ice before driving off.

Random Acts of Kindness always makes me think of one lady at my church who's ministry really could be random acts of kindness. She is ALWAYS smiling, and always so glad to see her friends and check up on them and make them smile in turn. Even her Facebook life makes people smile - her profile picture is a dancing Little Miss Sunshine, and her presence on everyone's pages - commenting on things, sharing good times and celebrating achievements - cheers people immeasurably when they see it. Little things really do mean a lot.

"The wind is real, but you can't see the wind - you can only see the leave rustling in the trees.

Pain is real, but you can't see pain, you only see tears. Happiness is real, but you can't see

happiness. You can only see the smile on someone's face"

7th Heaven

For me, seeing that smile is enough.

Love, etc.

xx

Castles In The Air

"Wouldn't it be fun if all the castles in the air which we make could come true, and

we could live in them?"

Jo, Little Women

When I was a little girl, if I was very poorly or very sad, I was allowed to curl up on the sofa under the blue and white stripey duvet and watch videos. If I was ill for longer than a day, I would watch Little Women (the first day of any illness being taken up with Narnia) (and we're talking BBC 1980s here, none of this new film malarky) and so it has always been well up there in my favourite stories of all time ever. Depending on the time of day/wind direction/color of their dresses, I would variously want to be each of the girls, but what never changed was my love of the idea of castles in the air. Everyone has castles in the air - we all have our dreams and wants and desires, and we all want them to come true.

When I was little, I used to agree with Jo, but now I'm not so sure. I've gone through times where I've thought I've known what I wanted and been impatient for my castle to become reality. Patience is not an overly well-developed virtue of mine, but sometimes, the castles are waiting or changing for good reasons.

I'm glad that a lot of my castles haven't come true. I'm even gladder that the special ones have.

Love, etc.

xx

Words

23.57, 31st December 2008. A text message that changed my world. And then a day of absolute silence that almost destroyed his while I panicked about starting a SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP. Said silence and panic led to an FB status of "[Beautiful Intellectual] has a lot to think about" which prompted another txt along the lines of "whatever you're thinking about, you know where I am if you need me" And I fell in love.

A few days later, I was telling the most important person in my life (outside immediate family) about it, starting the conversation with the phrase "[The Drummer] is going to ask me out, and I'm going to say yes" which normally would have had her bouncing around the room squealing if it had been any other of her friends, let alone me. I was met with her opinion that it was a mistake and he wasn't who God had lined up for me; a brick wall rather than the shared excitement I was expecting.

Its taken this long, almost ten months, to get over that. To get over that hurt. To get over the loss of my best friend. To get over the rejection of my boyfriend. Recently, I've spent a lot of time realising I'm preparing to do all the big stuff of my life without her beside me, and I'm honestly not sure how that leaves me feeling.

"It’s amazing, some people, they just say these small little things, one sentence and it

changes the way you feel about them in an instant. Small little words that can hurt you

so much or make you fall deeply in love forever. It changes everything, nothing between
you is ever really the same again, even if they don't know it"

Just be careful what you do with your words.

Love, etc.
xx

Relationships

"Good relationships balance over time. This means that at any particular point in time,
the relationship may appear quite unbalanced: One partner may be more nurturing;
one may be more needy; one may be providing all the financial support, etc. But if both
partners are loving, understanding, giving, dedicated and flexible, then the relationship
can handle all kinds of ups and downs, and still be strong, exciting and, yes, romantic.
The best relationships are well balanced. Not a delicate balance; not a static
balance- but a dynamic ever-changing balance"
Gregory Godek

I found this quote earlier this evening and realised it summed up everything I've been trying to show myself recently - everything will balance over time. Yes, right now, it feels like my relationship with The Drummer is unfair on him - I'm needy right now & he's a rock, I'm broke right now and he has a steady job etc, but its true that our relationship is going to emerge from this, probably even stronger than before. I love the fact that although they're nearly always in the same place with the same people around and a lot of the same stuff to do, every weekend we spend together is different; every weekend highlights a new experience for us as a couple; every weekend brings us closer together.

Balance is necessary - a relationship doesn't succeed without equality. I'm not his Spare Rib for nothing.

Love, etc.
xx

Left Behind

I didn't realise until I got to Rome that this is the first time I've been away and left someone behind. Someone who missed me just as much as I missed them. Someone who checked their phone as much as I checked mine for messages. Someone who's face lit up when they saw me come back through Arrivals.

As Winnie The Pooh once said,

Pooh: this is the best part of the day
Christopher Robin: what part is that?
Pooh: When "you" and "me" become "we"

I think there's a lot to be learnt about love from the wisdom of a little bear

Love, etc.
xx

Understanding

At heart, I am a musician. Nothing thrills me more than hearing a piece of music, particularly orchestral music, and losing myself in how it all fits together and picking out all the different parts and melodies.

I was listening to a piece the other day that I'd once played in an orchestra and started to focus on a tune I'd never heard before - I was amazed that I'd managed to not only rehearse it regularly but also perform the piece a number of times and yet there was still more that I hadn't heard. I was reminded of one time where I'd had to leave the rehearsal for some reason, and walking back into the hall, as I crossed the room to get back on the stage, I remember trying to work out which piece they'd moved on to rehearsing because I didn't recognise it. Turned out it was the same piece they'd been playing when I left, but from outside of my little seat in the middle of the Strings section, it sounded so completely different that I didn't know what it was.

Recently, I've come to realise that this is sometimes (often?) true of our lives - sitting there knowing we've done all the rehearsing and preparing and ready to do it, but actually not really seeing the full picture at all, and not knowing what to do when we're confronted with it. Its taken some long struggles, some that are still lingering yet, but I'm finally starting to accept that there is always a reason and there's always something learnt.

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps,

you understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right, and stopping the leaks

in the roof, and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and you are not surprised.

But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably, and

does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is

building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new

wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards.

You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building

a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself."

The bigger picture is there - just don't miss it in preparing your own little bit, however perfect you think you're making it.

Love, etc.

xx

Patience

"But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place. It will not be late by a single day." Habakkuk 2:3

I've decided The Drummer is the embodiment of this verse - through The Great Void and The Big Mistake, there was a 6ft (ish) auburn curly-haired bearded plan for me that I didn't even see coming but now am so very glad has happened (understatement of the century)

After a week of doubting pretty much everything, I guess I really needed to hear this today - that there IS a plan and that the right thing will happen at the right time. Its really hard when something you thought was an answer to prayer seems to have become something so vastly different. I make no pretence of understanding why, but given everything else He's given me, I don't think I'm really in a place to complain.

Love, etc.
xx

p.s. Although when I say doubting everything, I mean everything apart from said Drummer. Of him, there is no doubt at all at all
xx

Its A Small, Small World

Tonight I had the strangest experience - I sat through a pupil's concert which was finished by the 16 year old girl who had sat through so many of my own pupil concerts when she was a little girl when I was at (a completely different) school with her sister. I guess I shouldn't be surprised really - my family appears to have a penchant for finding connections in strange places: my parents used to camp with the parents of my brother's first girlfriend...the grandparents of the kids I babysat for at uni knew my parents when they were at uni...I went to junior school with my prayer partner's little sister...my mum and dad knew my old School Nurse when they were all young marrieds in Bristol...my great-grandfathers used to be travelling preachers together a good forty years before my parents even met...even The Drummer and I have a history - he was an Inter at my first ever Campaigners Parade as an Eagle (holler if you even have a blue clue what I'm talking about here!) (If you don't, he was like 11 and I was 4 and very cute with little blonde curls and we probably didn't even see each other)

Everytime I hear stories like this, it makes me think of the quote

Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained
angels unawares.
Hebrews 13v2

You never know when someone you come in contact with in your present will become a part of your future in a way you could never imagine...keep an eye out, just incase.

Love, etc.
xx

Lessons in Time, or, Perspective & Priorities

"Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours
per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa,
Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein"
H. Jackson Brown

And so another metaphorical kick up the backside trundled along today, right on cue (as per usual)

It would have been so easy today to be all "woe is me, work was so hard" but instead, said butt kick reminded me that actually, time today was well spent. Huge amounts of things were done (not least a combined total of 33 rows of those BLESSED seats across 3 assemblies and 2 shows) and not just work stuff, but also the little things, like taking the time to find some Jelly Tots for Little Miss Dance. And in fact, being her runner all day because she had so much to sort out. And taking time to go to "the gym" after school to hang out with (who are swiftly becoming) The Usual Suspects (who take their workouts so seriously they can always be found in the beer garden around 4pm on a Friday) And then finding time to have pizza with Little Miss Dance and Maestro before shoehorning in some one-on-one time with the quieter of my two prefects helping her learn just one more little thing at a time.

Just one of these things should have made it a good day - how lucky am I that I got to do them all? It really is all about perspective. These people were my priority today - helping them, teaching them, valuing them, and somehow, that seemed to bless me too. And hey, I'm *more* than happy with that happening!!

Its not always about the great achievements. Sometimes its just about the little things.

Love, etc.
xx

Pros and Cons

I had one of my "moments" the other night about myself, which basically involved me sitting on MSN to one of the girls going "I'm not this, I'm not that, I'm not the other" which she very patiently listened to for about ten minutes. Once I'd finished my rant, she challenged me to list everything I *am* rather than focusing on what (I think) I'm not & put the 2 lists side by side. Pros and Cons of the Beautiful Intellectual, if you will.

The lists ran something like this (slightly edited for the sake of my embarassment/eternal judgement at the hands of my readers)

CONS: (yes, of course I started with the negative stuff!)

• getting chubby
• thunder thighs (yes, they deserve a listing all of their own they're getting that big)
• hair that does very strange things that only resemble curls for abot 5 minutes then just goes frizzy
• hate-inducing eyebrows
  
• still living at home with my parents at the age of 22
  
• can't drive

PROS: (and it took a LONG time to get these out of me)

• make awesome brownies
• good musician
• good at my job
• determined
  
• easy to get on with
• fiercely loyal
• good friend

It was a really strange time having to analyse myself - serious, rational introspection is not something I often indulge in, particularly when I realised that I judge myself on hugely shallow attributes that have nothing to do with my value as a person. And then insult everyone around me by expecting them to do the same. I spend far too long focusing on the negatives to realise that no-one else does - they only see in my the positive things it took so long to drag out of myself. I try to make myself what I think others want to see, and, in the process, totally miss that they seem to like what's already there.

So what if I'm getting a bit chubby - clever dressing will cover that. Bad hair day? That's why there are hats/hairbands/paper-bags (joke) But a person who is weak-willed? No make-up can change that. Bad friends can't disguise themselves in color co-ordinated clothes. Loyalty can't be created like a hairstyle can.

No-one can understand [their] mystery. The best you can do is get immersed
in it. It is no use your arguing about pros and cons; dive and know
the depth. Eat and know the taste"
Sri Sathya Sai Baba

I don't think I'll ever stop seeing my cons, and I very much doubt my friends will ever stop impressing upon me my pros, but I'd like to find a happy medium where I know my depths. Where I know myself and like what I've found there. And even if I don't get there, there is one thing I'm sure of, no matter how much I laugh about it - I *am* a daughter of the King of Kings of whom He is proud, no matter how I feel about myself.

love, etc
xx

p.s. and as for the eyebrows...everyone has a cross to bear, right? :p

x

Just take some time...

One of my favourite times of the day is when I get to sit and go through my Google Reader. That time is my time, even when I'm with The Drummer. Those few minutes are mine to read and think and comment - in the same way writing my blog lets me arrange the thoughts in my own head, reading other blogs gives me new things to think about (and a lot of smiles and laughter at all the cute kiddos)

Some of my favourite blogs are people's tumblrs, as rarely a day goes by without me writing down one or other of the quotes from them in my notebook ready to file away for another day and another blog post (yes, that's the truth...my blogging inspiration is rarely my own. It nearly always comes from other people's quotes *shame*)

One such example was this morning when I read the following

"Living is like tearing through a museum. Not until later do you really start absorbing

what you saw, thinking about it, looking it up in a book and remembering - because

you can't take it all in at once"

Audrey Hepburn

and for some reason (possibly because I'm in the throes of planning my trip back there) I was reminded of the day my fellow goddesses and I went to the Vatican and the Sistine Chapel. Now, for those of you who have never been, the Sistine Chapel is tucked RIGHT inside the Vatican and takes a good ten minutes walk through the galleries to get to it. Now, when you've been standing in a queue for an hour before the place has even opened, there is, admittedly, a certain amount of impatience to just get to the Sistine Chapel already, bypassing all the tourist bus groups who are stopping to take their pictures and generally be slow. Turns out that in our haste to get to our destination, we missed some epicly beautiful tapestries and carvings. We missed the stunning views out over the city and the pristine Papal Gardens below. We had our eyes so firmly on the prize, we weren't really looking around, and certainly weren't stopping to value and enjoy.

How many of us do that with life?? I'm determined that my trip back this year will reflect my new outlook on life...it might take Miss Africa and I an hour to get from the entrance to the Chapel, but we'll have got to the same place in the end AND we'll have seen everything on the way too.

So yeah, just slow down and look around you. Don't miss the little things just because you're going too fast.

Love, etc.
xx

All roads lead to Rome...

Do you ever wonder sometimes in life whether you've ever strayed too far from the path allotted to you?

When something seems to good to be true and you follow it then it all goes wrong, does it ever make you question whether it really had been too good to be true and you weren't meant to be doing it at all?

Something I've learn in the last few weeks is that things are nearly always too good to be true. There's nearly always a catch. But its what you decide to do when faced with that catch that matters I think. Everyone over-idealises situations in their lives, but it takes real guts to face up and admit that its not what you thought but that you'll work with it anyway.

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always
reach my destination"
James Dean

Love, etc.
xx

p.s. When I said all roads lead to Rome, what I really meant was all roads lead to mixing sound for Last Night of the Proms. Somehow.

xx

Problematic

I love being a Sound Engineer. I actually love it - I love music and how it all works together, I love mixing the different instruments together to make it sound good, I love the process of starting with an empty room and ending up with an awesome band blaring out the speakers.

The one thing I don't like about being a Sound Engineer is the stress. Not the stress of an event - that gets my adrenaline going and gives me the kicks to get going and get everything rigged. More the stress that I put myself under. Some of it healthy to make sure that everything is planned & all the kit gets on the van, most of it much less healthy that just ties me up in knots and makes me panic.

This weekend I'm doing a regular gig - I've done it exactly the same before, for the same clients with the same kit in the same venue. I've even got pretty much the same band as before, yet still I ended up in a flat spin yesterday while I was rigging. I could do it in my sleep, yet I still need Shep to dive in and help me before I lost the plot - I stressed myself out totally unnecessarily over something I know I could do. Even the AV side of things (which is still a bit new to me & still fills me with dread when I'm using any system other than that which I've been trained on) is all do-able (once I was provided with a laptop that actually WORKED) but yet I found myself in tears when I was prepping kit yesterday morning because I couldn't at that point see it working. Yet if I'd stopped to think about it logically, there was no need to panic. There were so many other solutions if Plan A hadn't worked. Its just occurred to me that technology is what makes this all so complicated - if the technology doesn't work, then that's that. New plan needed. But without technology, I'd be without a job. That I happen to love very much. So instead of dispensing with technology, I think I'll dispense with the panic. OK?

Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunlight

(Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Love, etc.

xx

Coffee & Chat** (part 5)

"Do not mistake the edge of the rut for the horizon"

Lesley Garrett used to annoy the hell out of me, particularly when she got to dance with Mr du Beke every week, so I wasn't best pleased when she started turning up on Loose Women. However, I am totally and utterly converted to her these days - she's actually hilarious and I see a lot of myself in her (i.e. verbal diarrhea, constant hysterical gigling, wildly inappropriate with gorgeous men, constant singing etc) and really respected her today when they were talking about their mottos for life.

Things might feel like they're in a rut right now, but you can't stop once you get to the top of the rut. Once you're up there, there's a new horizon to aim for. Further away than you think is possible, sure, but didn't you think that the top of the rut was impossible just a short time ago??

Love, etc.
xx

**OK, so I was having lunch and they were having coffee & chatting on the tv, but still...
x

Coming to expect the unexpected

I am slowly starting to come to the conclusion that there's no point in trying to second guess God - the biggest things that have happened/are happening in my life were completely unseen. I had no idea when I left Egham to come home for 2 days for Bugsy Malone that it would end up with me leaving for good. I didn't know that when I left The Crown on my last night in Egham that I would end up going out with The Drummer less than a month later (although his txt about an hour after we left did give the game away a little bit...) I had very little faith that there was a point in submitting my application form to TPS 3 days after the closing date, but they called me the next day to offer me an interview.

I like to believe He does the same with people too by the way. I came across a quote the other day from Little Miss reminding me that

...certain people enter our lives at the most peculiar times, for the most beautiful reasons.
They seem to make such perfect impressions whilst leaving behind an everlasting impact. Some of the best things in life appear when you least expect them...

I was reminded of it again last night when I was trying to field conversations with three of my best friends - a very upset god-daughter having a crisis that I just had no answers for, my littlest one having a good old fashioned bad day and needing cheering up and Miss Africa scared about injections & operations. I didn't have answers for any of them, and just couldn't seem to say anything to help. I in turn was getting upset to The Drummer, who did what he does best - called me to cheer me up. Just hearing his voice, particularly hearing the concern in it, brought my smile back. His prayers for me and the girls meant that I was able to send them off to bed smiling (more or less) and cheer up myself before going to sleep.

I was busy having my own crisis that I didn't have answers and couldn't help that I forgot the advice I give my girls so often - we will never be tested beyond what we can handle. I didn't need to have the answers; I just needed to listen & be there. That's all they needed, and that's what I was (eventually) able to do. I've been given everything I need to cope with what's thrown at me. And someone to remind me that I've got it all when I forget.

I guess it all comes down to knowing Who knows what is best for you.

Love, etc.
xx

Understanding, or, When Things Suddenly Fall Into Place

The Godfather is one of my biggest fans (he has to be...its in the job description) but even he couldn't contain his laughter when we were chatting earlier about Skegness (goodness knows why!) & I shared with him part of The Epic Tale Of Our Journey In The Big Red Machine. That tale in its entirety is to be kept for another time, but suffice to say, the bit he found amusing was where I had to be taught where Skegness was. When I was on my way there. Yes. Apparently its nowhere near Blackpool. In my defence, Geography has never been my strong point...

In an attempt to curb his laughter, I shared a few other examples of my slowness in understanding, in the hope that he would see that its a) not my fault I'm a bit dim and b) that its not that funny. Turns out a) it may or may not be my fault I'm a bit dim but that b) it certainly is that funny. So what if I grew up in a Christian home on a healthy diet of The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe and it still took me 22 years to work out why its always winter and never Christmas?! Or that the phrase "no room to swing a cat" doesn't actually refer to felines?! Or being on the London Eye and realising (i.e. being told) that the pods rotate so they stay upright rather than going upside down at the top. Or...I think I might stop now**.

I had another such moment where everything falls into place this morning when I was reading. I have to admit, I've fallen prey to popularist culture (I know, so very rare for me!), and yesterday picked up a copy of The Shack, which is the latest Christian fad in popular literature. When it comes to "Christian novels" I am all sorts of a skeptic, and have resisted thus far, but I was bored, and wanted to see what all the fuss was about. I'm only about halfway through and have yet to lose my skepticism. I did almost waver and give in this morning though when I read the following lines,

"Most birds were created to fly. Being grounded for them is a limitation within
their ability to fly, not the other way round...You, on the other hand, were created
to be loved. So for you, to live as if you were unloved is a limitation, not the
other way round....Living unloved is like clipping a bird's wings and removing its
ability to fly" The Shack by WM Paul Young

I know everyone blathers on about no-one loving you unless you love yourself, but I genuinely believe that unless you are loved, unless you experience what it is to be loved, to be wanted, to be needed, you can't fully understand what love is. And when you have it, everything does fall in to place and you realise that you can fly. Not that you ever couldn't, it just helps when you have someone believing in you.

Love, etc.
xx

** OK, so the London Eye thing was a bit dim, but the rest of them still stand.

A New Perspective

“Most people fail at whatever they attempt because of an undecided heart. Should I? Should I not? Go forward? Go back? Success requires the emotional balance of a committed heart. When confronted with a challenge, the committed heart will search for a solution. The undecided heart searches for an escape. A committed heart does not wait for conditions to be exactly right. Why? Because conditions are never exactly right. Indecision limits the Almighty and His ability to perform miracles in your life. He has put the vision in you — proceed. To wait, to wonder, to doubt. To be indecisive is to disobey God.” Andy Andrews

I came across this this morning, courtesy of Little Miss. I have to be honest, I've never ever thought about it all like this before. And I think Mr Andrews might be right. If I think about it, without God (via St Johns) (and associated opportunities), there'd be no knowledge of sound engineering, let alone such a passion for it. So why do I doubt that there's a long-term plan involving it??

Enough waiting. Enough wondering. Enough doubt. Time to DO (and that goes for the rest of you too...its not just me getting my butt into gear...come join me)

Love, etc.
xx

I'm right here...

I'll be honest - I wasn't paying attention to the sermon this morning. I had a million and one things flying through my (very sleepy) brain and I just couldn't persuade my brain to pay attention to a sermon based on a reading from Job.

I did manage, however, to listen to his last example, which I assume summed up his whole sermon in 2 minutes (seriously...why do preachers do that?!) It was basically a story which ran as follows:

There was once this rehearsal of Hadyn's oratorio "The Creation" where the conductor decided that having the actor singing the part of God would do better singing from one of the balconies to give the effect of a voice from the heavens. By the time he'd trekked around back stage along corridors and up and down stairs to get to said balcony and realise that he couldn't see the conductor nor hear the orchestra properly, the rehearsal was running late and they pressed on. Eventually, he was so out of time and missing so many cues that the conductor was beginning to lose patience, "God? Where are you?" "What is the hold up God?" "GOD...WHY ARE YOU NOT RESPONDING TO YOUR CUE?" and the like. Much to the amusement of all who were watching the rehearsal. The actor decided eventually that enough was enough and traipsed all the way back down, through backstage and round back out in to the auditorium just as the conductor finally lost the plot... "GOD?!?! WHERE ARE YOU?!? WHY AREN'T YOU LISTENING TO ME?!? ARE YOU EVEN THERE?!?!" and the actor playing God stepped forward, put his hand on the conductors arm, saying "I'm right here"

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out what his point was by telling that story (apart from diva-esque nature of most conductors...) but maybe its something that we could do with being reminded of now and again. Sometimes He's not as far away as you might think.

Love, etc.
xx

p.s. And before you all get concerned about the million and one things flying through my brain, once I've organised a few of them into coherent thoughts, I'll blog again. Worry not my loves, all is well. I promise.
xx

Coffee & Chat (part 4)

"Never let anyone come to you without coming away better and happier"Mother Theresa

I've never spent much time studying the writings of Mother Theresa, but I reckon on that one she had it about right.

I was blessed this afternoon with an hour with The Godfather...he's a busy busy boy at the moment, so I decided to bless him simply with a Costa Coffee and thus also the pleasure of my company for an hour (I couldn't honestly say which one he saw as more of a blessing...) His smile when he saw his "proper" coffee made me smile in turn, and then the fact that he devoted an hour of his time to just hanging out chatting made my day. He has such a fresh perspective on just about everything as well as being the most patient and least judgemental person I know.

I decided while I was walking home that that was my challenge...not only to foster the same relationship with my god-daughters as I have with him, but just in general...I want to be able to contribute something to people when they come to me, whether its a shoulder to cry on, laughs & fun times or advice...even if its little things like commenting on other blogs & encouraging people to keep on with exactly what they're doing...I want to help and love others like I get helped and loved.

What about you?

Love, etc.
xx