Stream of Consciousness part 3

I have no idea where time goes. The year is literally flying by at the moment - now it's May and I finish in just over a month. In September, getting to this stage seemed impossible and now I'm here.

Strange.

Some people are being strange at the moment...people who have no place commenting on my life and my choices feel the need to weigh in with their opinion; others whom I'd expect it from are absent.

Some very noticeably absent with poor excuse.

Excuses make me mad (which is ironic, because it seems that PGCE is short for "Sorry, I can't come out again, I have too much work to do) but even so. Some people I thought were here for keeps have gone, which makes me sad, but I have had too much success this year to grieve for them for long - they are missing sharing the good stuff because they aren't around.

The year hasn't really shaped up as I expected, but already May is looking far more like I wanted my first year of marriage to be. Can't believe it's already nearly a year. Planning holidays and spa days and fun days. Graduation. Weddings. Engagements. Maybe even babies but not mine. Not for quite some time.

Time. Always a lack of time.

Blog posts running riot in my brain. Books to write. Books to read before being able to write. Books to read just for fun. For an almost-English teacher I don't read enough. Having a Kindle makes life easier, but life shouldn't always be about easy.

Bible study at our new home-group is focusing on life not always being about the easy. New people were scary at first but now are comfortably routine. God currently has my full attention for two hours on a Tuesday evening and two hours on a Sunday morning. Sunday evening if He's lucky. That should probably read "if I am lucky" I need to work on that.

Lots to work on. In one short month, lots more time to work on it all.

Love, etc.

xx

April's Big Blog Photo Project part 2

Now, I am more than aware that there are not 30 pictures there. I am torn between being sad that I don't even have enough time in my day to take a picture of something somewhere (that isn't lesson planning or marking) but also so blessed that I have had these special moments to bring light to an otherwise fairly dark month.

However, the light at the end of tunnel is getting brighter by the day. Normal service is so nearly resumed. I might even blog with words soon.

Love, etc.

xx

April's Big Blog Photo Project part 1

Now, I am (not so) secretly a bit of a plane geek. Hate flying on them, but LOVE watching them. So when my in-laws suggested a trip to Compton Abbas, there was no chance I was going to say no.

Sometimes planes, no matter how big or small, really can bring perspective to a busy whirl of a life.

Love, etc.

xx

March's Big Blog Photo Project part 2

I think it says a lot about my month that there were a lot of similar photos...marking piles, to-do lists and word sorts...

Here's to hoping for more variety in April...

Love, etc.

xx

March's Big Blog Photo Project part 1

**disclaimer - I am aware that it is now significantly more April than March, but still...**

March saw The Drummer gaining himself some more husband points by taking me to Stratford for my birthday. It was easy to see why Shakespeare found such inspiration in and around the town. It truly is a beautiful place.

Being an English geek, I was more than a little excited for pretty much the whole weekend. I can't wait to go back.

Love, etc.

xx

Treading Water

To quote,

Hacket: Is the water over your head?

CJ: No, the water's exactly at my head

The water is deep, and I don't have enough of my own energy to swim, but I am just about treading water.

Normal service is desperately wanting to be resumed. One day, maybe soon, it will be.

Don't go anywhere; I'll be back.

Love, etc.

xx

February's Big Blog Photo Project part 2

I really do worry about how many of my photos involve food...but the flowers were lovely and my study is beautifully tidy now.

Love, etc.

xx

February's Big Blog Photo Project part 1

So two months in and I have already failed at my target. To be fair, I did take the camera out with me, but was foiled by the lack of charge in the battery. I would officially suck at being a photographer. I'm not even that good of a fauxtographer!!

To keep the momentum, however, I'll share one of the highlights of my collection...Sunset over my favourite beach in the world.

I cannot wait until life calms down enough for us to go and watch the sun set there again.

Love, etc.

xx

Never will I ever...

Something upsetting seems to currently be sweeping the blogosphere - the use of one's husband/other half and his traits as "humorous" blog fodder. Reading blogs where the writers husband bed-making skills are mocked, or tweets where pointed comments are made about having to take the rubbish out when you get back from a trip because it hasn't been done while you were away really upsets me. Some of the people who do this have children, and in all cases, I'm sure both their partner and their parents could see what they were writing. What are they going to do when the children read it and start to treat Daddy in the same derogatory way? Where is his discipline then? And where is the respect for how your in-laws have brought their son up, whether you agree with it or not? How awkward is that going to be around the dinner table next time they come to visit? Whether you mean malice by it or not, those throw-away lines have their repercussions.

When I married The Drummer, I was pledging to become his biggest cheerleader, his absolute supporter in every aspect of our lives together. Our disagreements were to remain private and the examination of our faults were to stay well within our marriage. However much I may poke fun at myself through my blog or my tweets or my Facebook status, I will *never* use such public mediums to put my husband down.

Love, etc.

xx

January's Big Blog Photo Project part 2

Food, flowers, games with friends

I don't know if I should be worried about how many of these photos involve food...

Love, etc.

xx

January's Big Blog Photo Project part 1

So somehow it's suddenly the end of January and I've barely posted anything, let alone anything that contributes towards the Big Blog Photo Project. Fail. So tonight, I will rectify that slightly :)

This gem is from my parents back garden in a rare moment of winter sun. It didn't even need any editing since the sunlight was so obliging in where it fell!! It makes me yearn for a time where life was that peaceful. I can't wait for the summer, the sunshine and some time to read my books again.

Love, etc.

xx

Stream of Consciousness part 2

Time. Never ever enough time to do everything. Occasionally there's enough time to do nearly all of the things I need to do. Sometimes, I get to do the things I want to do too. The Big Blog Photo Project is going quite well. I like to have something to do other than teaching. I'd like to think that I can continue my life outside of teaching, but some days I wonder if such a thing even exists. It certainly teaches you who your friends are. Some new ones have arrived through their understanding of what I'm going through; others appear to have fallen off the face of the earth since I stopped being available 24/7. A few of them I'm sad about; most of them aren't overly missed. It's strange how life goes on while I've put everything on hold. Strange to be planning for the future when I'm living such a day to day existence. As if life isn't busy enough, the job opportunity of dreams has presented itself. Seeking wisdom has been easy; having patience has not been. And continues not to be. I'd like some things to maybe be easy for a while. I know I often make life more difficult for myself than needs be, but even so. I foresee that life may be quite busy between now and Easter. That sounds like ages away but somehow it's February next week. I'm fairly sure I don't need to remember to do anything apart from teach for February. Taking it easy. Apart from writing. That's going to kick off soon. And meetings. Hopefully in town. Every little helps with job applications though, even if they're as dull as they ever were. How many jobs can one person apply for in their lifetime? It must be my turn. Fingers crossed. That's one of the few things I can multi-task with sleep; it's a shame there aren't more.

Love, etc.

xx

So that was 2010...

So normally at this time of the year, I'd be writing a witty review of the past 12 months, explaining what date from 2010 would remain etched on my memory, or what the best thing that I bought was, but this year, I feel like a change.

Since "we" (for that, read "The Drummer") invested in a new camera, I've become increasingly obsessed with it (particularly the macro setting for taking arty-farty close-ups of things) as well as hugely enjoying the fact that my phone finally has a decent camera on it to document the less-important things of life (mostly via twitter, much to your collective amusements!) I've decided that in 2011, I want to develop this (limited) skill, and so, I've set myself the following two challenges:

1. At some point during the month, I will actually use our camera to take pictures, hopefully getting in to the habit of actually using our beautiful piece of kit, which I will then post on my blog.
   
   
2. On the last day of each month (or, you know, the closest to it that I'm sitting still for long enough to upload them) I'll post a collage of "Moments from the Month" captured on my iPhone.

So, in keeping with those challenges, here are a few of the highlights of 2010...

The Drummer, The Isle of Wight festival, Weddings, Holidays,

Family, Christmas

Snow, Food, Advent Calenders, Shoe Mountain, Games,
More food, Christmas Presents

So, 2011, lets see what you come up with...

Love, etc.

xx

Traditions

Christmas has officially started. A little earlier than previous years, admittedly, but started it has. Ah, I hear you cry, but it's been Advent since November 28th...how come Christmas has only just officially started?

Every Christmas since I was nine, I've been my school Carol Service which has had the same reading and the same format since time immemorial. It was always on the last night of term, and always ended with the Headmaster reading John 1v1-14 and Hark, the Herald Angels Sing. Those two things always meant the holidays were about to start, and even now, whenever I hear someone reading that passage, I can't help but look forward to Christmas. I heard it early this year, and it wasn't read by the right person (hasn't been since he retired in 2004) but now I've heard it? Christmas all the way :)

I like official Christmastime :)

Love, etc.

xx

Stream of Consciousness

Because there is no time to sit down and devote a blog post to all of these things, join me on a whistle-stop tour through my brain, life and times of late...

Nice having my husband home. Nice is an understatement. Delightfully stress-free on the home-front; I love living with my best friend. He buys me Lego Harry Potter and lends me the car so I don't have to get the train after rehearsals. Driving is a whole new level of fun now I can do it. People need to learn to indicate though. Really. Makes me mad. Which makes me tireder. I am tired. Mentally & physically exhausted. Too tired to be creative where I used to be. My creativity that used to be used here is taken by lesson plans and teaching the little cherubs. And designing lighting plots for the school play (long distance lighting plots in fact, since it turns out that I'm in Weymouth the same weekend as the Technical Rehearsal) Thinking and writing in all my waking moments. Writing here (rare) Writing on another blog project that I have been shamelessly neglecting this for. Writing lessons. Writing presentations. Writing assignments. For someone who likes to write, it's almost too much. Getting published at the end of it would make it all worthwhile. Using contacts is the only way to succeed in this game. RJ laying his hands on obselete R4 programs I need. Old school ties coming in to play (I hope) Sound Man going on tour with Take That. Fun. Having rediscovered the joy of Sunday night pubbage, I'm dragging my social life out the gutter that it has slumped into since September. Dancing in Holborn, iceskating, wedding planning (with friends) Getting righteously indignant on their behalf. Controlling myself for the sake of those around me. Lessons to be learnt all round.

I've seen the Coke advert; holidays are coming. Sanity will soon be restored.

Love, etc.

xx

Aspirations

There are people in life who make you want to be better, whether that be academically, on the sports field or just in every day. If they tried, I'm pretty sure everyone could think of at least one person who inspires them and makes them want to be the best they can be.

There are various people at various stages of my life who have held that role for me - at GCSE & A-level, there was the Epic Historian. The sheer level of his knowledge and expertise made me *want* to be better at History. He was bold, but ruthless. If you got an A from him, you knew you deserved it, but you also knew that whatever grade you did get, he'd be alongside you putting in the time and work needed to get you the grade you wanted. If I can teach like him one day, I'll be happy. The Huntress (my PGCE course convener) now occupies that position. Her knowledge of all-things English is second to none, and if I retire with even 50% of the knowledge and skills she has, I'll feel like I've done a good job as a teacher.

Then there's RJ. He & his wife have watched me grow and develop over the last five years (not without some fairly hefty input of their own it has to be said!) He challenges me sometimes as often as weekly on my attitude over various things and various people; he tries (more or less successfully) to keep me on the right paths. Same goes for The Godfather. If I let either of these people down, or felt they were disappointed in me in some way, I would feel beyond terrible. I aspire to have a heart like these two. If I manage that, I'll feel like I've done a half-decent job as a human being.

I aspire to these levels of academia, of achievement, of character. I see where I am now, and where I want to be one day, and I see ways of getting there. I can see the temptations and problems along the way, and I can see what is always going to help me most...

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not

for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

Jeremiah 29:11

Love, etc.

xx

You are what you Tweet

This one has been bubbling for a while in my head, particularly this last week with the furor over the Pope's visit to England. I'm not a Catholic; I disagree with a lot of what Catholics believe, and I think £12m was possibly slightly excessive for a 4-day visit when an emphasis of the priesthood is to live simply BUT I do think that as the figurehead of a major world religion and the head of a State, however small it may be, the Pope deserved to be able to come to Britain unchallenged and safe from abuse. By all means, take him to task about various views he might hold, or things he's allowed to go ultimately unchallenged in his church, but give him the basic respect that his position merits.

*steps off soapbox**

ANYWAY. Twitter. I've actually unfollowed people this week based on their views and what they have tweeted. They probably won't even notice; they probably don't even care, but to me, I don't want to be reading that, and I don't want people to read that when they come to my page. I have no problem with people expressing their views when backed up with educated fact/opinion, but when they are just tweeting abusive jokes or making disrespectful comments, I don't want to know. Stephen Fry will probably never even notice that he has one less follower, let alone even care, but I am what I tweet. I don't want my integrity questioned as a result of people I follow.

Love, etc.

xx

Feeding The Cats

For the past 10 days, The Drummer & I have been feeding Profound Admirer's cats whilst she is away on holiday. When she asked me to help out, it didn't even occur to me to say no - its really not that taxing to put out their food and give them a cuddle each day. She & her husband are so lovely and supportive that it is nice to be able to help them out, albeit in such a small way.

The added bonus from my point of view is that they live a few minutes away from us, meaning that The Drummer and I have had a series of evening walks there and back where we have no iPhones, no tv, no internet, no distractions of any kind, other than passing minis and yellow cars. Coming at the end of increasingly busy days, I think I'm going to miss our walks when they get back at the end of the week.

"Every now and then, when the world sits just right, a gentle breath of heaven

fills my soul with delight..."

A Breath of Heaven by Hazelmarie ‘Mattie’ Elliott

Love, etc.

xx

Chosen

Yesterday was a weird day. I thought I'd be spending the whole day being told what an amazing profession teaching was. I thought I'd be told it was a vocation and be persuaded that I was a fantastic person for wanting to spend my life teaching the youth of society. I thought it would be a day of paperwork and form-filling and dullness.

Don't get me wrong, all of the above was true, but there was also the overwhelming sense of utter confidence that the tutors had in us all. Person after person told us how they had seen something in us that would ultimately make a good teacher. The course convener told us how lucky we all were to be there since there had been so many applications; the Head of Department congratulated us on getting this far; the Vice-Chancellor spent (far) too long telling us how we were the hope of future generations (or something) But through it all, they kept telling us all how they'd chosen us. How they wanted us. How they believed in us.

Our English lecturer (lets call her The Huntress) really rammed it home during our subject induction in the afternoon. 242 people applied before she closed the course. She interviewed 71. 39 of us got places. She saw something in us that set us apart from everyone else who applied. She saw something in us that she can make good teachers out of. She believes in me more after a twenty minute interview than I believe in myself after 23 years.

Unexpected, but not altogether unwelcome.

Love, etc

xx

The Little Things

When I was waiting at the station last week for The Drummer to buy our tickets, the guy next to him, who was clearly in a very flustered rush, pulled out his wallet and dropped his pen. I leaned down to pick it up for him, and, with his reaction of “Oh....thankyou very much!” he seemed more than slightly surprised that I had done so. Later in that same train journey, a guy on a very crowded tube offered me his seat, which in turn left me surprised since that practically NEVER happens on the London Tube, even for pregnant women or older people.

Its sad when doing something so simple for someone else is seen as surprising, but the more I think about it, the more it seems that “self-first, others second” is the way to live. I don’t expect everyone to live to the same higher moral code to which I chose to hold myself accountable; not everyone shares the same religious views, and I wouldn’t expect that they should, but whether Christian, Muslim, Jew, Agnostic or Atheist, surely somewhere in each person there is the basic desire to do good. To do the right thing. To not look in the opposite direction when someone is in need. To just be human and to care.

Let’s change the world. One little thing at a time.

Love, etc.

xx